How can I overcome this girl's rudeness??

Break an Egg

11 Years
Mar 17, 2008
San Antonio
I have a 12 yr old stepdaughter that I knew was rude to me and sometimes to her dad, but she is taking her attitude too far. I used to pick up my neighbor's daughter from school too, and for a while I hadn't. Today I was stopped by the neighbor girl who asked for a ride and since she was in the van before my SD she told me why she doesn't ride with us anymore. She said that a few months ago my 12 yr old SD was calling her sister stupid over and over while I was in the store and had the kids left out in the car, the neighbor girl asked her nicely to stop and my SD (12 yr old) started telling her "that's my sister" and sticking her hand in that girls face. The other girl lives right next door to us and is a very polite girl. I just feel so bad that SD would treat her like that. I didn't hear any of this until today and I am very dissapointed.

I apollogized to the neighbor girl and told her to tell me immediately if anything like this happens again.

I called my husband and told him what happened, and he thinks it just kids being kids.
I'm sorry but she walks around talking to people rudely and one day I feel she will figure out she's not as bad as she thinks she is.
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Thank you, I haven't talked to my SD because the other girl has no reason to lie, I need to pick up my husband right now. Plus, she acts horrible when he's not here and I'm disciplining her. She's sitting on her bed right now because she was throwing her 8 yr old brother on the ground.
Some people are better than others at figuring out social cues as to what is and is not acceptable behavior. For example, people with autism related disorders (including Asberger's) often need to be taught how to interpret facial expressions and body language that most of us understand intuitively. My DS is not autistic but nevertheless does not "get" some stuff that most people do. We had to teach him humor - and I mean, literally, "this is what is funny and why". He learned the lessons well and is now quite a clown. But before the "humor lessons", he would get offended and upset when we tried to joke around with him. Seriously. And, we had to consciously teach him what is appropriate on many other social interactions too.

When I read about your SD, I wondered if it is possible she just doesn't understand human behavior's as well as most, to the point she has no concept of "rude" and "polite"? Is she rude like this ALL the time (indicating she has some deep-down anger issues to work through), or most of the time she's a happy, pleasant child, who occasionally behaves rudely (in which case she may not be aware that she is rude)? If its the latter, it might take a little work to teach her appropriate behavior. If the former, perhaps she needs counseling to work through her anger?
If you need to convince your DH about how the girl acts when he is *not* around nothing works better than video. A simple digital camera set to movie mode and sitting on a shelf while you try to talk to her should do the trick. Or if you really wanted to impress him you can pick up a Jazz Hi-Def video camera at wallyworld for around $100.

Her father definitely needs to get involved in the situation...quickly.

There was a little snot in my son's 2nd grade class... told him, and others, daily just how stupid they were, how useless, 'can't you do anything right" things like that... we are STILL trying to get her brainwashing out of our son's head FOUR YEARS LATER... things like that do damage... ask him how he'd like it if HIS sweet little angel came home crying and convinced that she wasn't a good reader and shouldn't bother trying since she won't do anything but fail anyways. 10 to 1 he'd be raising cain...
Well, they are my stepkids and her full brother/sisters.
I have one child (biologically) that is 3 and she leaves her alone, except for the occasional arguing with her.
I just think kids are mean nowadays. I am sure there is some tension there because you are the SM, but you didn't have a thing to do with her being mean to the kids in the vehicle, and she did it. My 9 year old has some horrid kids in his class, and he HATES school because of it. One is a bully and has control over most of the boys, so one day my DS can be their friends, and the next he can't. I have a teacher's conference next week, and this time I am going to tell her how I feel. I know she has classified my kid as a troublesome one, because he tells on the other boys for stomping on his feet, or pushing him down, or tattling on him when they LOSE the stupid four square game . . .its ridiculous. I have been a parent for a long time and I know how kids are, but when your kid comes home and bawls his eyes out because of this one bully controlling the "friendship" club for the day, then its getting completely out of hand, and I just can't believe that he is lying to me when he is crying about how he is treated. Some of the kids are scared of this kid and will do whatever he says, just to keep from being the victim. What is ironic, I guess, is that one of DD's told me she went to school with the bully's dad and he was the exact same way.

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