How do I cope with the death of one of my hens ?

[lunaticfishboy]

Today I am traumatized and heartbroken. I have found my baby Silkie’s dead body under a shed floor.

I raised 4 bantam chicks from TSC , 2 of them were red Cochins, one was a black one I don’t remember the name but he did get killed by a fox and we never found his body, and 1 Silkie hen.

Here is a recent photo I took of her.

Her name was Lulu. She was going to turn a year old in May this year. I held her in my arms when she was only a tiny fluffy chick and today I held her cold, bloody, half-severed body close to my heart and cried my lungs out as loud as I could. A female cat that we used to call “dear” to us had killed Lulu while she was trying her best to protect and hatch a single egg which I found that was never even fertile. She was so determined to hatch it. She sat on it for about 3 weeks.

This is her sitting on multiple infertile eggs.

Lulu was my sweet girl who never denied a cuddle when I came outside to see her small flock. She loved when I picked her up and hugged her. And now she’s gone. My baby girl is gone. I’m not mentally stable and I haven’t been for quite a few years. So part of me is going “Go batshit! Go bonkers! Kill and butcher and eat that cat and take revenge!” and the other half is going “You totally failed to prevent the death of her. You deserve to be hurt in every way, its time to reach for the razor blades again.” I can’t process the overwhelming pain this has brought upon me.

It’s April 1st and I wish this was all just a bad prank but its not. I’m devastated and empty. I feel so numb and I feel like I can’t talk anymore. Please help me learn how to not make this the reason I die.

 

[_-Captain BRM-_]

Oh my word. I am so so so sorry. I understand the crushed feeling when a pet dies. God loves you, and I am sure we will see our pets in heaven. So sorry for your lose.

 

[Chookchicken]

I’m so sorry this happened. It isn’t your fault, sometimes unfortunate things happen. Make sure the rest of your flock has a secure coop. I know the feeling of absolute heart break feels unbearable but just remember that eventually this feeling will pass and you’ll start to move on. Just spend the next few days working through your feelings. Watch movies, or play games, just do things you enjoy doing. Do you have any friends or family you can talk to? If you haven’t already you should consider seeing a therapist.

 

[lacychappell4]

I am so sorry . It isn't your fault .
It's hard to lose a beloved pet . Keeping poultry is a learning curve. It's hard not to see the cat viscous and not just being a predator. We tend to forget that house cats are predators .I tend to blame myself and play the "What if" game . Could I have done anything different and prevented this . Most of the time it's no . I learned a lesson and know to do something differently.
Is there anyone you can talk to or anyone that can help you cope with your loss ?
Please if you need help reach out . You are important and your mental heath is also important. I will pray for you to find solace and peace in the life you got give her . She was well loved . Tomorrow will be better and one day you will look on her picture and smile .

 

[NightingaleJen]

Just seeing this now, maybe a bit late, but still, I am so sorry. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I hope you are feeling even a tiny bit better today, but if not, try to take it easy when you can, as @Chookchicken suggested. It will give you some relief mentally and emotionally, even when you are crushed.

Last week, we lost, for the first time, a hen from our flock. It was shocking and sad...still is. Still, I do find comfort in knowing she had a good and happy life. Remember that, too—that you gave this bird all you could. I think they do somehow know that we care for them and they appreciate that.

Hope you are okay. She was a pretty little thing!

 

[lunaticfishboy]

Just seeing this now, maybe a bit late, but still, I am so sorry. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I hope you are feeling even a tiny bit better today, but if not, try to take it easy when you can, as @Chookchicken suggested. It will give you some relief mentally and emotionally, even when you are crushed.

Last week, we lost, for the first time, a hen from our flock. It was shocking and sad...still is. Still, I do find comfort in knowing she had a good and happy life. Remember that, too—that you gave this bird all you could. I think they do somehow know that we care for them and they appreciate that.

Hope you are okay. She was a pretty little thing!

Thank you so much, as to all the others. Im doing much better now. about 2 hours of crying and holding her, I wrapped her body in a little pretty red cloth and buried her in the spot she loved to be in when she was out and about. I put some flowers over the grave, and stayed there until it was dark.

It still hurts knowing she isn’t with me and her flock anymore, even my rooster Zuko and my other hen Zara aren’t acting the same now that shes gone. Zara is going broody much more often, and Zuko has grown aggressive towards everyone and now even me, which he has never done before. I try my best to calm him down whenever he starts acting up, with cuddles. Hes still a little teddy bear underneath all that tough guy demeanor.

But anyways, I am doing much better now, I recently got a few chicks and they really have cheered me up.

 

[NightingaleJen]

I'm glad you are doing better! Hope the flock calms down a bit soon. Best of luck with the chicks! They are irresistibly cute.

 

[Chickeeaholic]

Thank you so much, as to all the others. Im doing much better now. about 2 hours of crying and holding her, I wrapped her body in a little pretty red cloth and buried her in the spot she loved to be in when she was out and about. I put some flowers over the grave, and stayed there until it was dark.

It still hurts knowing she isn’t with me and her flock anymore, even my rooster Zuko and my other hen Zara aren’t acting the same now that shes gone. Zara is going broody much more often, and Zuko has grown aggressive towards everyone and now even me, which he has never done before. I try my best to calm him down whenever he starts acting up, with cuddles. Hes still a little teddy bear underneath all that tough guy demeanor.

But anyways, I am doing much better now, I recently got a few chicks and they really have cheered me up.

Thank you for the update. I’m so glad you are doing better. Baby chicks are a wonderful cure

Congratulations on them and don’t be hard on yourself. None of us can control everything or make things perfect though we all would like to. Especially for our beloved pets. Be good to yourself and enjoy your new babies.

 

[Chookchicken]

Thank you so much, as to all the others. Im doing much better now. about 2 hours of crying and holding her, I wrapped her body in a little pretty red cloth and buried her in the spot she loved to be in when she was out and about. I put some flowers over the grave, and stayed there until it was dark.

It still hurts knowing she isn’t with me and her flock anymore, even my rooster Zuko and my other hen Zara aren’t acting the same now that shes gone. Zara is going broody much more often, and Zuko has grown aggressive towards everyone and now even me, which he has never done before. I try my best to calm him down whenever he starts acting up, with cuddles. Hes still a little teddy bear underneath all that tough guy demeanor.

But anyways, I am doing much better now, I recently got a few chicks and they really have cheered me up.

It’s so good to hear your doing better

Congratulations on the new chicks.

 

[lacychappell4]

Thank you so much, as to all the others. Im doing much better now. about 2 hours of crying and holding her, I wrapped her body in a little pretty red cloth and buried her in the spot she loved to be in when she was out and about. I put some flowers over the grave, and stayed there until it was dark.

It still hurts knowing she isn’t with me and her flock anymore, even my rooster Zuko and my other hen Zara aren’t acting the same now that shes gone. Zara is going broody much more often, and Zuko has grown aggressive towards everyone and now even me, which he has never done before. I try my best to calm him down whenever he starts acting up, with cuddles. Hes still a little teddy bear underneath all that tough guy demeanor.

But anyways, I am doing much better now, I recently got a few chicks and they really have cheered me up.

I am so glad you are doing better . Congratulations on your baby chicks