How do I get over this death?

[Oldegarlicshnapp]

In one instance I let my bird out of his brooder. I let him run around since he was a growing boy. I laid my body backward, and crushed him with a portion of my body weight. He couldn’t get up and I knew it was over. He screamed like he was frowning, with his eyes too open. I was his mother and I hurt him worse than anything I’ve ever experienced. He must’ve not moved because he trusted me. In an instant he’s gone and I want him back so badly. I miss him as in he’s missing from where he’s supposed to be. He was the only egg that hatched out of nine, the only one I kissed with lipstick. I had the shell from it and it fell from my hand, broke, while I cried. I killed him. I hurt him. He’s supposed to be growing up into a bird that doesn’t need me or care for me anymore. He made happy noises when I kissed him all over and under his beak. Today is awful and it wouldn’t be if he was just alive like yesterday. When the eggs were dying, I just kept telling my boyfriend I wanted a baby bird to love again.
He was a late hatch, so I had time to read to him and talk to him. He hatched to the sound of my voice. He only stopped crying when I held him. I want him to be alive.
I’ve never had anything I love die and I don’t know what to do with this pain.

I hope it’s okay if I post my face here. If not, please comment below so I can take it down.

 

[Battlepants]

Unfortunately, loss is going to be a thing in raising chickens. The best way I've found to move through is to learn from the past and respect their memory by making things better for the rest of the flock. In this case, do continue to cuddle with your flock, but be on high alert to know where they are at all times.

That being said, don't beat yourself up about this forever. Accidents do happen and I know you didn't do it on purpose. Allow yourself to grieve, remember what happened so you can better serve your flock, but also allow yourself to forgive you.

 

[Chicks in VA]

Unfortunately, loss is going to be a thing in raising chickens. The best way I've found to move through is to learn from the past and respect their memory by making things better for the rest of the flock. In this case, do continue to cuddle with your flock, but be on high alert to know where they are at all times.

That being said, don't beat yourself up about this forever. Accidents do happen and I know you didn't do it on purpose. Allow yourself to grieve, remember what happened so you can better serve your flock, but also allow yourself to forgive you.

same sorry for you loss its so hard losing littles

 

[SilverBirds]

I am so sorry for your loss. That is truly awful. I know that you will want to blame yourself for what happened. Yes, it was your fault but it was an accident. Accidents happen. Don't beat yourself up to much about it. It is especially hard when he was so little and the only one that hatched. I do understand what you are feeling. I accidently through away a good duck egg that was almost ready to hatch. That was the worst thing I've ever done and I still feel the guilt about it. I know what I did and I've learned not to make that mistake again, just as you should.

It will take time, but you will feel better. You'll need to forgive yourself though, which is one of the hardest things you have to do.

Thank you for sharing the pain you feel from this experience. As a person who buries my feelings deep inside it's a good reminder for me.

Please forgive yourself. and move on. This doesn't mean forget about him but don't stay stuck in the past forever. Sending hugs.

 

[McChooky]

You have to forgive yourself and move on , the chick is gone.Set more eggs if you want another one. I recommend you not turn it loose in the house while its small,chicks are fragile. Sorry for your loss.