How do I mend a broken heart?/ Im cured!

[AllChookUp]

bantymum -

I've been praying for you since your original post on this thread. You asked us to help with a TOUGH question. I think it's a question only you can answer.

What does your heart tell you?

Follow that.

.

 

[bantymum]

You ladies are so very sweet.
I guess a few would think of me as being downright bad too!!!
Im open to any criticism apon my character!! dont hold back!
Ed and I never married , we started out as friends too. When I became pregnant after dating for 10 years, ed was in shock for 2 days! It wasnt the reaction that i was hoping for, then when Mikey was born he fell in love with him and possibly me.
I was told that i could never become a mum so i was over the moon.
Ed has children from a previous releationship, she left him due to his crankiness.
I know he loves me but he knows that my heart is somewhere,
Ed is miserly with money though he has lots , thats possible why he has lots!!
where Craig also has lots but shares it around!!I also share it when i have it!
I went through a trauma when i was 14 which affected relationships with guys, and i think im still protecting myself and keeping a bit of freedom within.
I cant figure myself out and have dont really wish to try.
I enjoy spontaneity, it makes me thrive.
Ed goes to sleep at 8.30pm each night which is when i become alive! Im a night owl, not a morning person at all.
So when i get a text message on my phone saying "Im at club"
My heart jumps and Im heading there like a child heading towards a merrygoround!
It doesnt happen often, perhaps once a week or fortnight.
I dont intend to leave Ed, but have a friendship with Craig.
Craig entered my heart at a time when Ed was horrible to me.
He still gets nasty and i reckon I ask him to go once a week!
Im not sure what will happen, but I definately know that i would never dump Ed for Craig.
If Ed turns nasty again and i have kicked him out twice!! I will insist on living here by myself where i can do what i want whenever i want, with who i want, OMG did I just say that!!!
Craig is not trying to pry me away from here, he is just there sometimes and perhaps he just wants fun too.
I dunno.
Thankyou, i think its theraputic to write these things!!
Love you guys
Thanks
Helenxx

 

[redhen]

hi Helen..

..I'm sorry you have to make these hard decisions!..

...My one question /concern for you is..when you say Ed is "cranky"..do you mean he's just grumpy miserable(like archie bunker..lol).. OR verbally abusive OR physically abusive?..because honey..i know its easier said than done..but you cant let anyone abuse you ...you deserve better than that!..(but, i'm hoping that he isnt doing that)..so, i wont get into a long speech about that..because i can tell you are a smart lady, and you'll make your own decisions on that..

......as for the 2 men situation..been there..done that!..

...and it IS a hard thing!.. ..all i can say is... you have to follow your heart AND gut instinct...if Ed makes you unhappy in certain areas..see if he will "try" to work on things with you...but...there does come a time when trying just wont work anymore..sometimes people are just too differant and it simply wont work out no matter how much you try..

....but they stay together for "security"...afraid to leave because it may be worse with another in the future..(because ALL relationships are FUN..

..in the beginning..but reality soon DOES show its ugly head with new partners...)....So, i know this isnt right..and people may say its mean...BUT..if Ed was a real jerk to me....i sure would go out and meet others!..BUT, i wouldnt rush into anything with them...i would give them time to show me their TRUE colors before i left Ed for good...(unless Ed was abusive..then if it was me,well... he does HAVE to go to sleep sometime...)...Best Wishes to you!..i know you will do the right thing for YOU in the end..and always remember..EVERYTHING happens for a reason!(good AND bad)...i was with a guy for about 9 years and ooh SO in love with him... but..it simply wasnt meant to be..

..and thankfully so!...because i now have my awesome husband!....so, please remember..it all works out in the end somehow!...Good Luck!..

..

 

[bantymum]

Thankyou Redhen,
Yes Ed was once very abusive but only verbally, however it was enough for me to take Mikey and escape to a women's shelter one lonely Christmas to gain my strength, and boy did I feel free, like a dove released.
I went back to him a month later only because I had no where else, but had no strength to get up and find another place.
I stayed there for 5 years until it began to get bad again, but this time I knew how good it felt to escape .It took 1 month of hard searching and disapointment once i got inside the places but then I found a perfect house for us. The backyard needed a good tidy up but because my MS had got bad i received practical help to have it cleaned up and financial help to pay for removalists.
I had an army of women to come and help me pack while Ed was at work, my mum helped too.
Then we did it.
I decorated and made it into my beautiful haven, i got myself my own kitten, my very first pet who i could call mine to share our new life with.
10 months passed, I had a nice man living next door who always greeted me. Then I ran over my cat. Total sadness. The man next door "Pete" bought over a bottle of scotch and I drowned my sorrows with him.
We started dating for 3 weeks then he asked me to marry him!
WHOA there, that wasnt meant to happen, He was like Craig, funny and giving. however i had to let him go as he wasnt the one !!
Ed started visiting us, then Ed's beautiful Dad passed away in tragic circumstances, Ed became mellow.
I then had a stalker hanging around here so Ed offered to come and stay with us for a few nights.
Silly me, He never left!!
We carried on though I kept my freedom by sleeping in my own room.
I still do.
So thats it in a nutshell.
Sorry to ramble but as I write/type ~ I find it hard to stop, it must be helping me sort myself out here!!
Have a top day.
Helenx

 

[redhen]

Aww! Helen!..you sound like you have had a tough time!..So many heartbreaks in your life!...

...and then when you go and give your heart to a guy (Ed..Craig)..you get hurt again!.

....i dont know all you have been through.... i've had it tough also..and i tend to have a wall up with men sometimes also(thank god my husband is an ACTUAL angel..who is so patient with me!.

....).. I just wanted to have fun with them...didnt want to risk the hurt again...and to be honest..i still am that way.....LOL...i KNOW i can honestly survive without them if i have to...something in me hardened after being hurt so many times......just remember who YOU are..always remember NOONE can ever take that from you...only worry about you and your son....and i can honestly bet you the "right" guy will come around when you LEAST expect it....BUT, you have to heal YOU..or NO relationship will work long term...and also.. Do you know how i know that i am supposed to be where i am today?..i also used to love going out to clubs..etc.,...when i wasnt working..i was out with my friends all the time....but since meeting my husband (like 6 years ago). i have no urge at all to roam...i'm content at home with him...So honey, you need to look into that big heart of yours and follow it!...best wishes!, Wendy