Hey Horsewishr,
I used to have the same problem with my lovely ladies. When I pick them up, I find it easiest to do the following:
Put one hand with wide fingers wide open, firmly over the top of their wings so they can't flap. If they are female, they may squat and be still for a moment so you can gather her up into your arms. Put the other hand under their breast bone and belly so they can't get traction with their feet. Squeeze firmly, but not so tight that they get squished. If they struggle, just hold firmly for a minute until they give up and relax. You can then put one rm over her entire body to hold the wings down and provide a feeling of safety.
Once they settle down and trust you a moment, then you can talk to them in soft sweet tones and place them on your lap however you would like to arrange them. After repeating this several times, you might find them looking forward to such cuddling. Mine love to be tucked into bed every night with a kiss and a hug and lots of petting.
Hope this helps!