How much freedom do your kids have?

[dainerra]

Quote:
Hate to burst your bubble, but there is no such thing as being far out enough to be away from gangs and drugs. Even though we never had the Bloods or the Crips or any "real" gangs growing up, we DEFINITELY had gangs of trouble makers. You know, the kids who get drunk start fires and beat up on other people for fun? They never shot anybody, but they did their fair share of arson and theft and vandalism.

As for the drugs?? LOL If it existed, you could get it. Sometimes it took longer to become "popular" but it was there. The 2 biggies are pot (as has been the case forever in rural areas) and Meth. Well, and the booze, both-store bought and homemade. Growing up, I don't know a single teen who didn't know how to make bathtub Gin. And very few of us didn't make some at least once. If you didn't grow your own pot, you were friends with someone who did. Oops, I almost forgot the ever-popular prescription drugs (supplying of which often comes from said gangs that break in to people's homes to steal them)

That said, most of the kids I went to school with were pretty free. More than a couple were allowed to party at home to be "safer" So everyone would go to that house and the parents would supply booze and everyone would bring their own drugs of choice. 99% of the parents knew each other and knew that if we were at so&so's house, then we were partying. Shoot, there was a bus driver at my school who always threw parties for the high school kids. All the parents knew about it and sometimes even contributed liqueur money.

My kids are 11 and 16(in a couple weeks) The 11yr old is more of a homebody and student. She goes out and does fund-raisers for Girl Scouts. She goes to camp. She just started in the band. She goes to friends' homes to spend the night, etc.

16yr old just started her first job. She also is in the marching band. So 4 nights a week she is staying after school. On Thursdays she has an hour to kill between school is out and practice starts. She rides the bus to the library and then I take her from there to practice. She has her phone with her and hasn't ever been in trouble. I trust her to be responsible, but I keep track of where she is. Her job is also at the library, so I would know instantly if she didn't show up after school. The old ladies would be calling me to see if she was sick

 

[Kaitie09]

My mom treats me and my brother differently. I'm 20 and he is 18. Growing up, we have lived in the county, but were not allowed to roam out of the yard without supervision. I did not have very many friends, because no one lives out here. I think that is why I turned to animals instead.

Now, I am book smart but not street smart, while my brother is the opposite. He has been allowed to roam and go to friend's houses for the weekend since he was 15. Now, since he has gotten his license, he is never home.

I on the other hand, don't go anywhere. I lived on campus for a year but did not like the smallness of it, so I moved back home and am commuting. I don't actually have any real friends, just ones I talk to in classes. My mom keeps a closer watch on me and where I am going, because I normally don't go anywhere.

She has never told us no when we asked to do anything though. It is up to us to make our own decisions and if we get in trouble then we have to figure out what to do. She pays for our cars and insurance and cell phones until we either get pulled over or into an accident. After that, we are on our own and have to figure it out.

 

[mamawolf544]

None....

No really, my DD is 14 yrs old, we do live out in the sticks. There is nowhere for her to go, I also have a 7 year old GS and a 11 year old GD that live about 100 feet from me on our property.
There are certain "neighborhoods" DD is not allowed to spend the night at. I trust her completely, but the kid's boys and girls roam the streets, it is a recipe for disaster. That is just my opinion.
DD is very outgoing, in all Honors classes, honors marching band, theatre, helps SO much on the farm. She isn't hurting at all.

 

[Chickenrandomness]

Quote:
You live on a farm and you sit on the computer all day? It sounds like you were having fun with the BB gun until you did something dumb. How about building a tree house? A nice lean-to fort in the woods? A fort in the hay loft? Got any fishing holes nearby? A pond to swim in? Go make a bow and some arrows out of some saplings and don't shoot anybody with it...

i've been wanting to build a tree house, but my parents won't let me, i've made a fort in the woods once, but it gets way too masquitoey during the middle of summer, well, i've tried sniping out of the hay loft with my BB gun once, i've giving up fishing; i went quite a bit about a month or so ago, but i NEVER ctach fish, so its just a waste of time, we do have a slough a 2 minutes walk from the house, but its discusting; lots of litter and garbage in it, i actually have a Bow that my parents let me use! but its at my other suburban house i'm moving back to this weekend, and i either broke or lost all my arrows

i do ocasinally just go outside and have play pretend war with myself, but it gets boring eventually cuz i'm by myself

 

[mommyofthreewithchicks]

I have two sets of children the ones who were teens in my house are now in their twenties and for the most part we let them be independent. That worked with two and backfired with one. I thought we had a pretty open relationship and I also let my hubby handle too much where I would have held them closer. They were his siblings and when we started raising them we were only 21 so I hope the mistakes we made were forgiven. The youngest did find a bad crowd and did find a way to drink and smoke and get kicked out of high school. I would love to say he has reformed all his ways, he did get his GED and is in the army but he also has just married for the second time in 9 months... I would not be surprised if he was involved with naughty behavior around town that we just were too stupid to figure out he was lieing to us and up to no good.

My second set of children are the ones I birthed and are still in elementary school. We lived in the larger city with the older kids and then moved into a smaller city and now have moved into the country. City vs country living is different when raising the kids. Here I am concerned that they will find a skunk or wild animal to hurt them where in the smaller city I was worried about strangers in my yard. In the city I found I was inviting children to play at our yard as my kids were to young to go and play elsewhere ( 3 year old). For the older kids we had them go to the high school in the bigger town 20 min away because we couldn't bear them to have to go to yet another school, they had been to four all while staying in the same house with their dad. So all their friends were a drive away and thus they were forever going out. We also let them get jobs so they could pay for gas, we paid for school gas but they had to have their own money for extras. With living out in the country and having youngsters they get to go outside and play all day. They are learning to play independently and with their siblings. I do take them to the park or activities in town but they get to treasure that time with friends. I usually am with my kids but at 8, 6 and 5 they are still needing an adult close by. At home we have 13 acres to explore and paths that I have made that they can be relatively safe but also out on their own.

For me growing up we lived in the country. I biked 10 miles in to town to go to the pool or the bowling alley or to dairy queen. I had to ask my folks for a ride into town to do anything with friends so they always knew where I was and who I was with. My sister did get into trouble but I did not. For the most part we were given a lot of freedom but parents knew where we were. Whack is what I attempted with the older kids.... For this model of parenting to work I think you need the 12 years of preteen years and honest kids... We are working on it with the next three.

 

[PotterWatch]

My children are rarely away from us. Part of that is due to homeschooling and the fact that neither my husband nor I work away from home, and part of it is due to my kids' ages (9 and 11), and part is because they have lots of friends, but none really in our neighborhood. Any friends they want to see either come to our house, or we have to drive to theirs. They don't have friends who live where they can just ride their bikes to visit. I do think they have a fair amount of freedom despite the fact that they are always with us. We have started to let them stay home alone when we have to run out for an hour or so. We have park day groups that we go to at least twice a week and they get to run around and play and climb trees and whittle sticks with their pocket knives. When we go to the farm to take care of our birds, they take off and I often don't see them until it's time to come home. I trust that they will use proper judgment, (as much as children their age can anyway), and that they will come to me if/when anything happens.