How soon is too soon to date?

[luvmychicknkids]

My divorce situation is fairly unique since I have not actually lived in the same house as my husband for nearly 5 years thanks to the military. However, we ARE still married and will be, probably at least until he returns to the States in May. I am wondering when other people think it would be appropriate to openly date? I just want to be able to have dinner or a movie without thinking I should drive 3 or 4 hours hoping not to be spotted by anyone who knows me. Any ideas what is considered acceptable these days? I'm too old to be sneaking around.

 

[desertgirl]

As long as you KNOW it is over, nevermind everyone else. You only get this one life to live. If people talk, let 'em. They are gonna anyway.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Oh yeah, it is definitely over. I really NEED to adopt am attitude like that more. I have the unfortunate habit of trying to look proper, but like you said, people will find something to say if they want to. One thing that will probably work to my advantage as well, and this is kinda funny, there are some people who seem to think I have been lying about being married anyway.

 

[Laney]

I think as long as those people who SHOULD know do know, then who cares about the rest. If your immediate family knows, and his immediate family knows...and He knows....then everyone who needs to know before you are spotted out and about is informed and to heck with everyone else.

If any of the above parties doesn't know then they probably should before you openly date.

That is just my opinion.

Laney

 

[luvmychicknkids]

The only people who don't know are his family because he's dragging his heels on telling them. However, they live in South Dakota, me in Arkansas and don't even speak to me so I seriously doubt they would hear rumors.

 

[saddina]

If a date asks the answer is "we're seperated, and once he lands stateside we'll proceed with the divorce, we've lived apart for several years now". If anyone else asks, decide if they have any right to ask in the first place and decide from there.

Add: I didn't give a time frame because you've been living apart, and really when your heart says it's time, it's time.

Saddi, who's on her 3rd Mr. Saddi.

 

[MissPrissy]

I wouldn't open another can of worms until I had finished the first one. Legally you are married. Even if it is over by both of your standards anything you do now until the judge signs the order can be used against you. If you are openly dating and he is over seas on military duty the heavy is on your shoulders. This is reason enough for a judge to with hold any alimony or certain support in his favor because technically you ARE married. Even though they are supposed to be impartial I know of several divorces where the judge ruled in favor of the man in the military and gave custody of the children to him due to the woman having dated other men before the divorce was final. Tred lightly.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Yes, Saddina, I need to remember that just because people WANT to know something doesn't mean they have a reason to.

Thankfully, one thing I alreay know is, he would NEVER fight for custody of the kids. He knows they need to be with me and no matter what has happened between us, he loves them enough to do what is best for them. The other could be an issue, however.

 

[Opa]

Dating while still legally married can create all sorts of problems. First it could create legal problems, and second until the divorce is final the ex could create problems between you and who ever you're dating. I know since I've been there. Some men, while wanting a divorce, get rather upset when discovering their wife with another man. It makes for a rather bad scene. Just wait till it final.

 

[speckledhen]

I agree with Opa and MissPrissy 100%.