How to deal with bullying

[chickened]

The punishment should fit the crime.

 

[Xtina]

Sounds like this bully's mom feels helpless in finding a way to remedy her son's behavior. Do the parents discipline at ALL? Perhaps their discipline needs to go up a notch or two.. or three. If they are truly concerned about his behavior, they need to find a way to stop it now... before he gets any older or bigger.
When one of mine were causing problems, I would "make a project" of him/her. I would be on the child's every movement for days and they hated it. They could not get away with anything because I watched that one constantly. After a time or two, just the threat of being made a project would straighten out unwanted behavior. It may just be that the parents need to focus on the boy ( unobtrusively--be sneaky about it) for a few days and let him know he is NOT getting away with being a bully.
Dr. Rosamond recommends an early bedtime to correct misbehavior and it would be worth a try: total removal from 'fun'. Of course, this means a parent has to remain behind to enforce the early bedtime. A lot of parents won't give up 'their' time to correct a child. Sorry, it's part of the parenting job-- just as you watching your 2 yr old is your job even though it means you cannot socialize as you want. Your time will come again, but right now you have to give it up to watch your boy. Perhaps everyone inthe neighborhood has to give up some socializing to watch the kids.?

I think you're totally right. I'm pretty sure she feels helpless. She does try to discipline, but she disciplines the way Oregonians discipline, which, for someone who grew up in the South, is pretty much equal to no discipline at all. I can't see how the punishments make any sense, except that she does use a lot of talking, which in theory is good, but she's just in general way too soft with him. She refuses to use an angry tone so he never feels like he's in trouble. He can't make sense of an angry tone out of anyone else because of it, so he never knows when he's skating on thin ice and about to get into big trouble...which of course is because there's no such thing as big trouble in that house. At least not as far as I've seen. If they followed this strategy that you mentioned, I'm sure it would be a heck of a lot more effective than what goes on now.

Incidentally, those kids have one of the earliest bedtimes of the block. Maybe it's more accurate to say that every kid on the block goes to bed incredibly early and it's me who's still stuck with a chatty kid lying in bed at 9:00 after an hour and a half of being in bed.

 

[Xtina]

The punishment should fit the crime.

I never feel like it does. But I have no idea what type of punishment fits the crime of bullying a toddler and shooting an arrow at his face.

 

[chickened]

I never feel like it does. But I have no idea what type of punishment fits the crime of bullying a toddler and shooting an arrow at his face.

The kid needs his butt beat by an adult that will make it count. You only have a few years to set the diciplinary patterns for a child and some kids sometimes just need a good old southern whoopin'. I have found that with anything you do you lay the foundation first and what you later build will be supported by that foundation. Parents are a child's parent not thier best buddy or friend and when it comes time to put your foot down you best not say it unless you are willing and able to do it. Kids figure you out real quick and if mommy or daddy are a pushover they will walk all over you as a child and disrespect you and other adults as a teen and then they will sometimes buck the law and we all know what happens then unless if by some miracle they figure things out before they challenge the law.

Your best choice I think is to find a new friend for your son.

 

[EweSheep]

The kid needs his butt beat by an adult that will make it count. You only have a few years to set the diciplinary patterns for a child and some kids sometimes just need a good old southern whoopin'. I have found that with anything you do you lay the foundation first and what you later build will be supported by that foundation. Parents are a child's parent not thier best buddy or friend and when it comes time to put your foot down you best not say it unless you are willing and able to do it. Kids figure you out real quick and if mommy or daddy are a pushover they will walk all over you as a child and disrespect you and other adults as a teen and then they will sometimes buck the law and we all know what happens then unless if by some miracle they figure things out before they challenge the law.

Your best choice I think is to find a new friend for your son.

Where was that kind of displine when my hubby's second cousin needs it? Her mom was being pushover, Grandma supporting all of them and man, that young woman, who just graduated from high school at the age of 21, was the most foul mouthed young lady I've EVER known! If my daughter did that, I would be whooping her butt too!

I believe parents are scared...because of DCFS............

 

[ChickNhood]

I'm not as nice as red hen, the boy and his parents would be dis-invited from my property or any function I hosted/organized until they dealt with the problem. You said that the other families in the neighborhood have noticed and that the family in question have lost other friends over this. Stand up, make a point, and see how many of those other families fall in behind you becuase it means having a safe place for THEIR kids to play.

I agree completely...i would even take it a step further and beat that kods @$$¡ And bybeat him I meN a few good swats on the ***... If his parents dont like it they know there way home... Where I cpme from(central il) I treat everyones kids like they are my own including when its time for punishment! They will either appreciate thw fact someone is trying to tame their monster or they will confront you and leave...either way it will force both parties to talk about the issue

 

[chickened]

My younger sister had a son that was unmanageable at about 10 years old. We were having dinner at a family function in our home. All the cousins were eating dinner and this particular boy decided he would go to his car and get his candy and parade through the house in front of about 10 other kids while they ate their dinner. My wife confronted him and took his candy away and he smarted off to her, she grabbed him by the chin and looked him in the face and told him he was not going to talk that way to her. My sister got mad and left telling me that nobody but her disciplines her kids. They never came to visit for about 5 years but during that time this boy was in trouble all the time at school and at home. My sister re-married a man that disciplined about 4 years after that incident and he cracked down on the kid and he is now a very respectful young adult. I later found out that this boy got his first real spanking from his step father and it was a dandy and even now my sister admits he needed it. Her psychology teacher in college told her that spanking was useless which was why she did not do it and her being young and naive she believed it.

 

[cassie]

Your first priority is the safety of your son. That kid would be absolutely forbidden to set foot on my property, Make sure he is not allowed on yours.Try to keep your son away from the bully, and if the bully causes deliberate injury to your child, particularly one that requires medical care, it is an assault and should be reported to the police Whether or not they will do anything is another matter, but at least they will have it on record. The parents are responsible for any medical bills. Also, keep a log and document everything. This is evidently going to be a long term problem, and you may need records.

 

[bakerjw]

Do you feel that your child is safe around this kid? If yes, then you don't have to do anything. If no, then you need to make your opinion known to the kids parents.

Seriously, they have a problem on their hand that will not diminish as the kid gets older.

 

[they'reHISchickens]

In my house, I am the boss. If the kids don't like it, they can leave. i am also known as the evil grandmother by some grandchildren. For others, they love to come visit. It all depends on how they behave. If you are going to need discipline in my house, you will get it, one way or another.
Somewhere parents have forgotten that their job is to raise productive members of society and a child's job is to do everything to avoid that. Children are winning. So sad.
Xtina, no matter how much you love the neighbors, you have to let them know of the problem and that you are concerned for your son. Perhaps they are so clueless that they will allow you to discipline their son if he misbehaves in your house. If that is the case, they aren't clueless, they are lazy. Find better friends.