How to deal with bullying

[redhen]

No no, I don't feel crazy for checking on him every 2 minutes.  I feel crazy for following him around constantly to the exclusion of my ability to converse with other adults even for a second.  If I supervise him to the extent necessary to make sure that he's safe from this other kid, then I might as well not even be there.  He of course, benefits tremendously from playing with the nicer kids there.  But I feel like he should be able to do a lap without me following him.  

Maybe I'm just being too sensitive to the other parents' criticisms of helicopter parents.

How could you be a helicopter parent when you KNOW this child has hurt other kids in the past?
Would you really CARE if they called you a helicopter parent for ensuring your child is safe?

 

[redhen]

Yes, I can't sleep because I had all the scenarios of what this kid will do next running through my head.  Bashing my son's head on the bricks?  Concussions?  Fistfights?  Where's it going to go? I'm restless and upset about it.  And you guys are quickly convincing me that I'm not crazy to want to follow him around every minute, unlike the other parents.  But is that really what a good parent does?  Don't we let them work some things out on their own without mom defending them every instant?

The incident in question happened in about one minute's space of time.  He had been eating dessert with me, got up to go to the front, and came back to eat dessert, saying he had been hit.

Hes 2 years old...lol
He doesn't have the mental/physical ability to "work it out on his own"...
Just MY opinion...do whatever you feel comfortable with...
Good luck!

 

[Xtina]

The more I think about this, the more I'm convinced. My boy just can't play with this kid anymore. I have NO idea how I'm going to implement that in our social situation. But this kid is not safe and he's not a good influence on my kid. There's no benefit at all to exposure to this kid. And it's a shame because the parents are so great and they are always there for me when I need babysitting. And they owe me tons of babysitting from all the help I gave them before my son was born. Looks like I'll never have the opportunity to take them up on it. Because I don't see a time when their kid's attitude will change. He'll only get sneakier and more abusive and I can't expose my kid to that.

 

[Xtina]

How could you be a helicopter parent when you KNOW this child has hurt other kids in the past?
Would you really CARE if they called you a helicopter parent for ensuring your child is safe?

I'm starting to realize that I don't care about that criticism anymore. It's not safe for him to be around that kid anymore...period.

 

[redhen]

The more I think about this, the more I'm convinced.  My boy just can't play with this kid anymore.  I have NO idea how I'm going to implement that in our social situation.  But this kid is not safe and he's not a good influence on my kid.  There's no benefit at all to exposure to this kid.  And it's a shame because the parents are so great and they are always there for me when I need babysitting.  And they owe me tons of babysitting from all the help I gave them before my son was born.  Looks like I'll never have the opportunity to take them up on it.  Because I don't see a time when their kid's attitude will change.  He'll only get sneakier and more abusive and I can't expose my kid to that.

I don't know...I wouldn't lose my friends over it..
Just be honest with them...
Look..your son shot an arrow at my kids FACE...I'm very concerned. When we get together..I really don't want them unsupervised together..
Can you help me out with that?

I would think they would get it and respect your concerns and everyone can work together on the situation..

 

[Mattemma]

You should stay with your child to prevent others from abusing him.Most times it is just a few hits or mean words,but there are cases where kids kill kids.Stay with your child and redirect the older ones.I have found little use for talking to a parent of a bully.It rarely ever changes the behavior of the child in question.If you can not get them treating your kid well(while you are there) then there is no way they will not abuse your child when you are out of sight.

Being with your child is the only way you can make sure they are safe.One should never leave a child that young in the care of other children.You child is 2.Hardly an age to be independant and *work things out* with bigger kids.I would not let my kid *do a lap* on their own at 2.As the years go by you can back off more.It is not like you are going to be a heli-parent forever.Your child has already been hurt,and to keep putting him in the same situation unsupervised is neglectful.Children do the strangest things when parents are not around.Lord of the flies mentality.The safety of your child trumps your desire to converse with other adults.

Be present and guide the children in healthy play activity.You need not step in for every issue.Let them work out certain issues,but step in when needed.If you had gotten up to go with your child to the front(and then come back) maybe the other child would not have hit them(if you were present).It doesn't take long for a child to get hurt,and sometimes you can even be right there when it happens.

Do what you feel is best for your child.If it were mine I would watch(atleast at a distance) knowing another child has decided to make my child their kick toy.

 

[Mattemma]

My son got a toy arrow shot in his face.I took the bow and arrow away for the summer.Can't use it right then you don't use it at all.

 

[Xtina]

My son got a toy arrow shot in his face.I took the bow and arrow away for the summer.Can't use it right then you don't use it at all.

Now why didn't I think of this? Next time I see an arrow come near a human body, I'll just take the bow and snap it in half. I think it's perfectly within my rights to do that.

 

[cupman]

I read every post in this thread and you sound like a good mom in my book. I wish I had some sound advice for this situation but I really don't. I have a friend named Corey who had absolutely great parents... his sister had a good head on her shoulders, always did well in school.. but he always had something about him. He got in trouble at school constantly, he was very physical in how he played and it often times hurt other kids... I just don't know how to explain it. He had 2 DUI's and 5 MIPs(minor in possession) by the time he was 20 years old. He's 25 now and works a killer job and has a fiancee and a two year old. I swear to god he didn't mature until he was 22 years old. But I can honestly say he's a changed man. I like that you aren't overly judgmental of the kid's parents because I think sometimes people are just born with that behavior in them.. innate.

I do agree with the other posters about keeping a keen eye on your child because he's only two. I feel bad for the other parents.. Imagine being the family in the neighborhood with the problematic kid. Yikes. Is there any chance his parents are divorced? I'm not passing judgment on any divorced couples but it could be a contributing factor to the way the kid is acting out... but even then, at 6 years old do you really even know what divorce is? I guess I only have knowledge of raising poultry, not humans.

 

[Xtina]

And as far as my comments about wanting to let him have some freedom and to start letting him work things out on his own, I suppose I should say that it goes against my better instincts to do so, but I'm a first-time mom and I get comments from the other moms like, "Oh, I was that way with my first one, but by the time the second rolled around, I calmed down a lot." Or, "with the second one, you just let go because you have to and then you realize you could have relaxed all along." I don't mean to sound like the other moms are neglectful...they keep their eye out in their own way and make it sound like I'm hypervigilant for following his every step. It makes me feel ridiculous that seven other adults feel comfortable enough to sit down at the table and I am the only one who sees a need to get up and follow the pack of kids around. Wouldn't that make you feel a little insecure in your decision-making abilities? Well, maybe it's obvious that those other parents aren't doing a good job supervising, or else why would their kid think it's ok to shoot an arrow in the direction of another person's body after saying something malicious?