How to deal with grief? Chicken loss

[Amyellen]

Hi,
Does anyone have tips for loss of pet chickens and the grief and guilt? One of my chickens died about 3 years ago, and I still have unresolved grief and guilt over it. I feel like I failed her.

So basically she was having a diarrhea problem for a while. I was away from home for some work so family members took care of the chickens. One day I drove down to visit & she had flystrike. It was horrible, and I never had this happen before. I bathed her and put her back outside (looking back I really should have put her in the house to protect her from flies (but I think my mom also said she didn't want her in the house?)). So inevitably she got flystrike again. I drove down to visit, bathed her, she was really weak. I remember I was holding her crying and went in the living room to ask my mom what to do. She was watching a TV show and annoyed by me interrupting I guess. She just said "She's just a chicken" or something. And she didn't want her coming in the house to be bathed anymore. So I bathed her outside in a little garden container. She was so weak & I knew she was going to die. I thought about "putting her out of her misery" but never did that before & I didn't know how. Plus she was my friend. I couldn't stop crying. I laid her in the chicken coop & she died that night...

I don't know how to get over this. It's one of the worst things that ever happened with a pet & I feel like I really failed her. Plus I'm angry at my mom too. "Just a chicken" ? Maybe in her eyes, but she was my friend truly. But I know not everyone is close to chickens I guess. I felt so alone & didn't know what to do...And then I had to drive back to my work...I was in panic mode and handled everything poorly. I failed her & I hate knowing she was in pain. I was her chicken owner and like her "mommy" and I let her suffer...

Well I actually feel better writing it all out. But it also still doesn't change what happened..

I just took a hen to the vet to be euthanized because she had flystrike so bad. She was my best hen and leader of the flock and I am so deeply sad. I bathed her and picked the larvae off her body, fighting off nausea the whole time because it was so disgusting but I just kept thinking about how awful it was for her and i tried so hard to help her. I did this over and over every few hours for two solid days, kept her in a dog crate in the house, hand fed her tomatoes and gave her water from a dropper water. All of that wasn't enough and the maggots just kept hatching. So don't blame yourself. You didn't fail her. You loved her so much while she was alive and probably couldn't have done much to save her anyway. I'm so sorry and i understand your pain.

 

[Chicken poppy]

This is a old thread but i want to respond anyway

Everyone says “You’ll get better” or “stay strong, things will improve” but thats not true at all.

You do not get over the pain of grief, nor will you ever. You find a way to cope with it.
Guilt will always return. Your heart doesn’t mended, but over time, it will heal, sometimes leaving a scar.
And thats okay. I just lost a chicken to a fox. Its hard to tell yourself its not your fault, i was right there.. Why couldn’t i have stopped it? If i was out there for minutes longer she would have been safe.

Guilt will come back if you don’t properly deal with it. It comes back if you shun your feelings away and ignore them.


I hope this helped someone. If you are dealing with this, its okay to cry. You can’t force a wound to heal. There will be scars that remain, and just remind yourself that coming to acceptance does not mean forgetting. They will always remain in your heart and leave a scar in their place, but acceptance is important.