How would you handle this?

[spydertoys]

In my experience..people who really want to be helped will listen with both ears open and not make excuses and actually put into play some of your ideas, or at least ask, "how do you do that".

The moral of the story is that you can't help people that don't want to be helped.

I know that sounds harsh..but it is the reality of the situation.

 

[annmarie]

It sounds like at this point your friend just wants someone to listen to her, like she's sort of in the "grieving" stage of her finances!

I find that even when I'm "being a listener" it can sometimes be helpful to make comments or ask questions that point the person towards the direction of doing something about their problems, without directly telling them what I think they should do. Like saying something along the lines of "It sounds like you're really stressed out (sad, whatever). When I get stressed about my finances, I like to take the time to sit down and really figure out what my priorities are, and what matters to me." She may surprise herself with what she comes up with. Our advice is always biased, and that might be why she's not jumping at any of your ideas. Perhaps to her, giving up cable TV is absolutely unthinkable, but getting rid of a second vehicle or something you would have never even thought of, she would be willing to do. Or maybe even, she'd come to the realization that the problem isn't her finances at all, since you mentioned that you think she's doing better than you. Maybe she's just dissatisfied with her life in general, and she's blaming it on money.