How Would You Tell ....

[AngieChick]

Quote:
Honey you married the man, not the body. We all change as we age. I think the odor thing you should just tell him flat out that there is something going on and maybe he should check it out because you are worried. But the body? Could be your day coming..... Ken and I joke about his belly not being from too much food, but he is distended because I don't feed him enough

Love the man, the mind, the heart. Remember WHY you married him.

I married him because he was fun/ spontaneous .. now after 3 kids... not so fun. I couldn't wait to be with him ( when he was at work) now I wish he works overtime... He can't remember to pick up his own sons meds when I ask him (son has very bad asthma and needs epi pens because he is allergic to everything but air) Doesn't remember anything!! I have to deal with all homework (3rd grade) because he can't figure out simple perimeters and multiplication. Its almost sad.

Is it worth trying to remember why I married him? Thanks... Deb

Oh, honey. You just made my point. You are not so much turned off by the weight as by the man. You guys have some stuff to work out, the weight is a red herring.

 

[willowcol]

I guess I am just blunt, but when my husband smells or his feet stink after working 16 hour shift at the cotton gin I just tell him. Nothing fancy I just say, "We are about to eat dinner and you stink go take a shower before I puck. It usually works everytime. Now the weight, He was 220 when we got married, was 315 last august. I just said sweetly that I was starting to not find him as attractive as I use to and could we both try to lose some weight to help the problem before it got bigger. He joined this Edgecombe county biggest loser diet thing they were having in town at the time, Lost 45 lbs in 14 weeks and won the prize, $120.00. Still has a little to go, but it showed he really cared how I felt.

 

[Chickie Mamma]

Its funny... Angi chick... I always went for the Tall and lanky myself. My mom is 200 pounds and always on weight watchers and my dad is nearing 400 pounds, and doesn't care about how much he weighs. They now sleep in separate rooms etc. I don't want that to happen here. I can live with bald and liver spots... but after trying so hard to lose weight, I would hope he would think the same. I reached 200 pounds with each pregnancy (3) and still managed to work hard and get back to 160 each time. I was 150 when we met 5'4" and I played alot of sports. I would do anything to keep him thinking I am still attractive, but he just does not care what he looks like anymore and he's only 34. I just wish he cared about what I think for a change.

 

[Chickie Mamma]

Quote:
See, now there is someone that cares about what his wife thinks.. ts nice to see that someone would try and suceed to lose some weight to help their marriage!

All I ask of my DH is that is changes some of his eating habits and taking care of the odor problem. Is that too much to ask for?

 

[willowcol]

I don't think its to much to ask if its out of hand. Odor is a big turn off, it could also be a medical problem causing the odor. The weight thing is a hard one, I would love my husband no matter what he weighs, but I want to love him and be attracted to him at the same time. Now I also wouldn't want him a bean pole, he was in a size 40 waist pants for years, its the size 46 that started to scare me a bit. I also believe that if your husband would try harder to help out and remember to do some of the things you ask him to do the other problems wouldn't seem so bad. Maybe you just nedd to sit down and have a heart to heart and lay it all out on the table before its to late. To many marriages end over a few small problems that were never worked through, they seem to turn into huge problems.

 

[English Chick]

I think the two of you need to find an babysitter, go out somewhere and really talk through properly whats bothering you, in relation to a marriage that appears to be possibly breaking down....communication is the key, lay your cards on the table both of you and decide if you are both going to try and repair the relationship.....good luck......try to remain positive.

 

[Chickie Mamma]

Thanks everybody for the great advice!! You guys are better than any of my best friends. Sometimes its easier to get advice from people you don't know. Thanks again, we WILL get a babysitter and try to work out some things. You ARE the best!! I need to hatch more eggs I think!!

 

[key west chick]

I'm the one who gained 35 pounds since we got married 15 years ago. I also had our son and gained like 50. Lost must of it but over the years, its crept back up. DH is a size 31x32. Was a 29x32. He's gained like 10 pounds and has this little tiny gut. He hates it. Always saying he needs to lose 10 pounds. He tells me (when I ask) that I'm not fat, I'm just not skinny anymore. I weighed 125 when we got married, size 6. Size 10 now, trying to get back to a 8. ( for me) Our marriage is in trouble, but we still try to be honest.

 

[Lunachick]

I'm in the same boat as you Chickie Mamma, the only difference being you guys are young yet, I'm 52 & hubby is 62. The past few years since he's been diagnosed with an auto immune disease and has to take medication for it (Enbrel) He smells different. And FUNKY. Me no like.

I'm reading everyone's replies here for our sake too. But I do believe that telling him up front in a nice teasing kind of manner might help you, that's what I did. But it only lasted so long and now I have to remind him again.

 

[onthespot]

Diet also can affect body odor, and I noticed that when I eat a lot of fast food, my body smell changes quite a bit, for the WORSE!!! p-U!!! I don't know what it is, but if I eat more leafy greens, spinach, dark salad, even green squash, peas, all that kind of stuff, it really helps. If you can get him to eat some greens somehow, and lay off the fast food, I bet his smell would get a lot better. Eating is a big social routine for all people, and his social routine is to eat out with the guys. Relatively the same social pressure of eating a sack lunch with "the guys" would be the same as if you asked him to sit at a small table by himself while the rest of your family had a meal together in their normal way. I don't think asking him to quit eating fast food with the guys will have a good outcome in any way. You could encourage him to make healthier choices from the fast food joint, send a container of home made soup he could eat along "with" the fast food. The other guys might be jealous of his soup if you make a great batch. Plus you can make it and freeze it for the week.

As far as getting the point across how his weight and smell is a turoff for you, wear some of his sweats to bed one night, smelly ones, and stuff them full of pillows or what have you until you think you look about like he does. Cuddle up and snuggle all over him with stink and "fluff" and see how sexy he thinks it is... THAT would start the conversation for ya! If he don't get that point made that way, he is a lost cause.