Hubby vs. My Mom

[Quail_Antwerp]

Ok so here is the deal....been fostering my mom's chickens for months now, pretty much since June. It started out with we were fostering 6 of her laying hens, then it was all of her laying hens, total of 24-26 hens. My step dad put out the cost of building a brand new coop in my back yard to house my mom's chickens. In exchange, I get to keep the coop when the chickens go home.

Well during that time I had a semi high risk pregnancy. The reason we agreed to foster them is because they were getting complaints about their chickens in their small town. Ok, because my mom didn't have a "proper" coop and they were getting out and chasing people.

Mom has been buying all of the feed for her chickens. So no problem there. Well, in July my mom decides to order 25 more bantams from MM. Step dad flips out, so those ended up out here, too. We stuck them in a grower pen and I bought the feed for them.

August comes and I kindly explain (or try to) to my mom that we are ready for her chickens to go home. I really want to spend more of my time focusing on my chickens and not having to worry about hers (I sound so selfish, don't I?). I also reminded my mom that my step dad promised us that her chickens would not be here over the winter.

So mom agrees to buy the materials to build a proper coop at her place, but if she does the coop, she can't afford feed. Well, we told her we could manage the feed for the couple weeks of September since she would be taking them home when the coop was done. We were under the impression that they would only be here for the first 2 weeks of September once the coop was built.

Mom gets the materials, my husband busts his butt getting the coop built. Chickens are still here, and she is planning on them being here until October

So my husband told me to "grow a pair" and tell my mom to take her chickens home. It has started causing some contention between us. Mostly he is mad that he busted his butt building the new coop for her, and she is still not taking them home. I don't blame him.

Her excuse is the outdoor run is not good enough to keep the chickens in, and being in town she has to have a completely enclosed run per the mayor. She can't help us with feed this month, and I understand that, and if I send them to her house, she still won't be able to afford feed for them.

So I don't know what to do. Do I grin and bear it and hope she gets the outdoor run fixed next month or do I do as my husband says, and tell her to take them all home?

She did take the 25 bantams home after the coop was done and has them housed in the new coop.

 

[LoneCowboy]

Well, I hate when my DH puts me in the middle of stuff. So I can see your bad position.

On the other hand, should your mom really have that many chickens if she can't afford to feed and house them? Maybe she needs to rehome what she has now or just keep a few she can care for.

 

[miss_jayne]

firstly, your marriage and family come first, no exceptions.

sit down, all of you, and tell your parents exactly what you said here. if your mom gets upset, it is because she feels criticized. that would be normal.

it seems to me, pardon if i am assuming, that your mom has animals that she is not caring for, can't afford to keep properly and should not be ordering MORE chickens. talk with your dad and clear that up then your mom. does she do this with other things? she may just get too excited to 'have' something, but not be able to maintain it/have good husbandry skills. chickens getting out is unacceptable for the neighbors and for the chickens. (once in a blue moon, it'll happen, but when it's a problem...it's a PROBLEM)


set a specific delivery date for the chickens and tell her that after that, they will be listed for sale on craigslist or another place. most importantly, do what you say you will do. (good practice for being a mom to that baby!)

again, i reiterate, your HUSBAND and family come first.

i will be praying for your family. these things are always difficult.

 

[antlers]

Depends on the relationship you want with your mom and or Hubby. Me? I would take them back to her with 2-3 bags feed and thats that. BUT remember you got a lot of free eggs, a new coop etc so ..... Nothing is free. Otherwise you might have to start culling a few for supper so they know you are serious.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

It isn't that she can't afford to feed them, it's just that she used the money she alots to feed each month to buy the building materials. She gets a fixed amount of money each month, and that's it. My step dad won't let her dip into the joint checking account, or the savings, so she has to do it out of her money.

She doesn't actually need 20 + hens or all the bantams she has. They have a family of 4, and I think a dozen hens and 1 roo should be enough, but just like the rest of us, she loves her chickens and they are her babies. I wouldn't feel right telling her "you need to down size". She did sell off a couple barred rocks, gave five other hens away, and sold off ALL of her roosters except for 2.

The problem is I don't mind keeping them until she is ready to take them home, but my hubby does.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Quote:
Um, yea I can't argue with anything you have said here, because even my husband says she doesn't deserve the chickens because she doesn't take care of them properly.

My husband wants me to just take them over to her, no warning, and put them in the coop.

 

[Anny]

I agree with what everyone else has been saying. You need to sit your mom down and talk to her about the chickens. She shouldn't have bought more chickens when the current chickens can't even live with her.

If she can't afford to feed them she should have them, period. I know it sounds mean, but some time the truth hurt and some one need to say it.

you mom is like alot of other people and get excited to the animals but doesn't want to do the dirty work (daily chores)

She should rehome at least 1/2 the chicken, use the money from rehoming to buy feed for the others.

 

[miss_jayne]

Quote:
then, according to the note here, you still need them out of your life. your hubby comes first.

if your parents don't 'share' their money, that still isn't YOUR issue. their issues are their issues, and now there is one in YOUR house. if your mom doesn't have the money, then she shouldn't have the pets/livestock.

whenever we have to come up with a 'reason' or 'excuse' for something we are doing, most likely, we just need to stop doing it. as much as you love your mom, the chickens aren't the issue, the issue is that you need to have peace in YOUR family.

work it out with your husband no matter what. hope all turns out for the best!

 

[tntstanifer]

Quote:
Hmmm, I don't see that her DH put her in the middle of "stuff". I think she put herself there, with help from her Mom. I think they put DH in the middle. Is he the one working and paying for feed? I think it's a little unfair to expect him to keep doing it. Also, I agree with an earlier poster. Hubby comes before Mom. Good luck!

 

[miss_jayne]

you can do this and you can do it without major harm to your life or mom's. i sure feel for you and that is part of being married and having parents. we want the best for everyone, but in the end, you need to have peace in your home.

again, i will keep praying for your family to have peace and wisdom in this situation!