How did the counseling go? I hope it went well!
Husband just died
- Thread starter michickenwrangler
- Start date
- Thread starter
- #492
Seemed to go OK, did a lot of crying and sobbing. Don't really feel any better or worse. Really the only advice I got out of it was to spend more time interacting with DD and learn to accept being alone.
A co-worker invited me to go down to the Highland Games with him this weekend. Too bad because the horse and I are competing up north.
But ... said co-worker is 70 years old. He and I are just friends, but yes, I need to get out.
Bad thing about competing, I get Round 3 of "Oh, I'm so sorry ..." from all my fellow competitors.
A co-worker invited me to go down to the Highland Games with him this weekend. Too bad because the horse and I are competing up north.
Bad thing about competing, I get Round 3 of "Oh, I'm so sorry ..." from all my fellow competitors.
Is the counselling an ongoing thing? I would imagine there would be some benefit to that.
Good idea!
Can you take a rain check on that invitation? I am sure there are other Scottish events going on that he can take you! I love going to those events!
Can you take a rain check on that invitation? I am sure there are other Scottish events going on that he can take you! I love going to those events!
- Thread starter
- #495
Quote:
I'll be seeing her next Tues.
She's also tryng to get me into a non-religious support group but the current one is full and the next one doesn't start until Sept.
I'm just wondering why is it that older men always seem to be the ones to like me. And I don't just mean like 5-10 years old (ye gods, how I would like a nice 30-something guy to show some interest in me) but I mean like a generation or two older. In a way it's kind of flattering, but lately it's been depressing me as well. I mean, Wayne literally dropped dead, and this guy is at least 15 years older than Wayne. As I mentioned previously, co-workers think he and I would be perfect for one another if he were younger
He does historical reenactments (circa early 1700s) and I plan to go to some of his events later this summer. We did talk about going down to the Renaissance Faire when that starts up in August.
And BTW, he's a Creationist too but the few times it's come up in conversation since the beginning of the school year, we say a few things about our differing opinions and move on.
A friend mentioned that I tend to attract older men because I'm intelligent and guys my own age are intimidated by me. But now I'm 30, shouldn't most 30-somethings-40 somethings be settled enough in their lives to NOT be intimidated by me? Again, I'm not even pretty, although I've lost 20 lbs since Wayne died and because of that and now having to maintain house and yard by myself, I've gotten in pretty good shape again. 40 yr old Creationist guy who now wants nothing to do with me, commented that my posterior looked nice in tight jeans, but still, I have a broad face, a large nose and I don't pluck my eyebrows. Plus I'm short and my legs are even short for my height, no long graceful strides for me. And pants are a pain to find.
I'll be seeing her next Tues.
She's also tryng to get me into a non-religious support group but the current one is full and the next one doesn't start until Sept.
I'm just wondering why is it that older men always seem to be the ones to like me. And I don't just mean like 5-10 years old (ye gods, how I would like a nice 30-something guy to show some interest in me) but I mean like a generation or two older. In a way it's kind of flattering, but lately it's been depressing me as well. I mean, Wayne literally dropped dead, and this guy is at least 15 years older than Wayne. As I mentioned previously, co-workers think he and I would be perfect for one another if he were younger
He does historical reenactments (circa early 1700s) and I plan to go to some of his events later this summer. We did talk about going down to the Renaissance Faire when that starts up in August.
And BTW, he's a Creationist too but the few times it's come up in conversation since the beginning of the school year, we say a few things about our differing opinions and move on.
A friend mentioned that I tend to attract older men because I'm intelligent and guys my own age are intimidated by me. But now I'm 30, shouldn't most 30-somethings-40 somethings be settled enough in their lives to NOT be intimidated by me? Again, I'm not even pretty, although I've lost 20 lbs since Wayne died and because of that and now having to maintain house and yard by myself, I've gotten in pretty good shape again. 40 yr old Creationist guy who now wants nothing to do with me, commented that my posterior looked nice in tight jeans, but still, I have a broad face, a large nose and I don't pluck my eyebrows. Plus I'm short and my legs are even short for my height, no long graceful strides for me. And pants are a pain to find.
You have mentioned several times that you are not pretty. I wish you wouldn't do that. Let me share something from my life that you should consider.
My second wife was a very attractive woman. When she walked into a room she definitely turned heads. Sadly she was a perfect example of beauty being only skin deep. The way she treated my sons was completely different when I wasn't around. They wouldn't tell me about it because they didn't want to do anything that might cause me pain. I took her out to dinner and dancing 3 or 4 times a month. Did all kinds of construction projects for her family, gave up fishing because she didn't like it. I once wrote a newspaper column but quit that because having someone come to our table at a restaurant to comment on an article I wrote upset her. She finally left me after 10 years stating she wanted someone who had no other interest in anything but her.
The woman I have been with now for over twenty years isn't the prettiest woman I've been involved with but she certainly is the most beautiful. She compliments my life by helping me no matter the task, by supporting me in the things that I like doing, by making my family her own.
Just continue to be yourself. Never try to be what you're not to attract someone. The right person will come along and he will think you are the most beautiful thing in his life.
My second wife was a very attractive woman. When she walked into a room she definitely turned heads. Sadly she was a perfect example of beauty being only skin deep. The way she treated my sons was completely different when I wasn't around. They wouldn't tell me about it because they didn't want to do anything that might cause me pain. I took her out to dinner and dancing 3 or 4 times a month. Did all kinds of construction projects for her family, gave up fishing because she didn't like it. I once wrote a newspaper column but quit that because having someone come to our table at a restaurant to comment on an article I wrote upset her. She finally left me after 10 years stating she wanted someone who had no other interest in anything but her.
The woman I have been with now for over twenty years isn't the prettiest woman I've been involved with but she certainly is the most beautiful. She compliments my life by helping me no matter the task, by supporting me in the things that I like doing, by making my family her own.
Just continue to be yourself. Never try to be what you're not to attract someone. The right person will come along and he will think you are the most beautiful thing in his life.
- Thread starter
- #497
I know, but do they always have to be 25+ years older than me? In my whole life, only 3 men remotely my age have ever shown interest in me. One didn't tell me he was married (luckily I found out after 2 dates where nothing happened), 1 was just in town visiting relatives and left for NMU a few days later. A few days after that Wayne and I began seeing each other, and then the 3rd was this most recent one.
Again, Wayne's friends referring to his previous wife as the "pretty wife" didn't help.
Again, Wayne's friends referring to his previous wife as the "pretty wife" didn't help.
- May 11, 2010
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I wish I lived close enough to go on lonnnnnnnnng horseback rides. I'd bring along a few more of us gals just for the heck of it and we could cackle all day long while we rode. None of us ain't too pretty, either. I don't pluck my eyebrows but I do shave my pits. I got teeth amazingly similar to my horses, and the appetite to match. I'd graze all day if I could. Sandy doesn't shave her legs and for a while refused to use deodorant, but I fixed that. Becky has thunder thighs and a very crooked big toe-horse stepped on it. Alice has a lazy eye and buck teeth, but has the prettiest red hair. All of us are married despite these faults including the fact that our farts are extremely toxic. Our men love us for who we are. They say we make them laugh-but I know Alice's husband is in love with her cooking. That red-head can fry up a nice batch of chicken for sure!
Getting back into the loop is very difficult after losing a spouse, especially a loved one who required close attention and care while alive. You've kinda lost touch with your fellow humans. My recommendations is to be very picky with whom you wish to associate with. Don't just latch on to the first fellow. Take your time, cry a lot, don't forget you DD is suffering, too. And there are many more spouses who are going through what you are.
Since you are an avid horseback rider, you might organize your own ride, or maybe volunteer for 4-H. After my father died and my mother was moved into a nursing home, I volunteered at a soup kitchen for a short time. Never did it before and most likely won't do it again but the work gave me the lift I needed. Thing is you'll have to go through some tough times before you get back where you want to be. That's okay. When you are feeling low go ahead and cry, and when you are happy give everyone a smile. Don't matter how ugly you think you are, a smile is always a welcomed sight.
Take care and I'll be thinking of you. Take the time it takes and you'll succeed.
Getting back into the loop is very difficult after losing a spouse, especially a loved one who required close attention and care while alive. You've kinda lost touch with your fellow humans. My recommendations is to be very picky with whom you wish to associate with. Don't just latch on to the first fellow. Take your time, cry a lot, don't forget you DD is suffering, too. And there are many more spouses who are going through what you are.
Since you are an avid horseback rider, you might organize your own ride, or maybe volunteer for 4-H. After my father died and my mother was moved into a nursing home, I volunteered at a soup kitchen for a short time. Never did it before and most likely won't do it again but the work gave me the lift I needed. Thing is you'll have to go through some tough times before you get back where you want to be. That's okay. When you are feeling low go ahead and cry, and when you are happy give everyone a smile. Don't matter how ugly you think you are, a smile is always a welcomed sight.
Take care and I'll be thinking of you. Take the time it takes and you'll succeed.
- Thread starter
- #499
Uh, yeah.
All my horse friends are married or in long-term relationships. I enjoy spending time with them, but ...
While they were extremely helpful the first month after Wayne died with promises of "If you ever need anything, just let me know" or "If you ever want to get out" or "Just to call and cry" are now being met with "I'm busy" or "I don't want to go out" or "I can't talk now." No wonder I hit a second wave of depression. I still talk to them and ride with them and a few have taken it upon themselves to give me advice.
Friend with husband sitting next to her: Hey! You know what you should do, watch a funny movie! You want to borrow "Couples Retreat"?
Another friend with husband just a few feet away: You should go back to who you were before you met Wayne!
Me: Uh, I was a chronically depressed, lonely, bitter, cynical 19 yr old who thought I was going to spend my life utterly alone. Just change that 19 to 30 and I'm already there!
Well-meaning Teacher At Work: I know a guy I should fix you up with. His girlfriend will be mad, but ...
Grief counselor did say to get out with single friends, again, problem being I don't have any. Well, a 70 yr old man. Again, I'm not quite sure why I get along so well with all the 60yr old+ former Navy and Army guys but no one nearer in age seems to like me. Or if they do they drop me like a hot rock once they find out we don't share spiritual beliefs.
All my horse friends are married or in long-term relationships. I enjoy spending time with them, but ...
While they were extremely helpful the first month after Wayne died with promises of "If you ever need anything, just let me know" or "If you ever want to get out" or "Just to call and cry" are now being met with "I'm busy" or "I don't want to go out" or "I can't talk now." No wonder I hit a second wave of depression. I still talk to them and ride with them and a few have taken it upon themselves to give me advice.
Friend with husband sitting next to her: Hey! You know what you should do, watch a funny movie! You want to borrow "Couples Retreat"?
Another friend with husband just a few feet away: You should go back to who you were before you met Wayne!
Me: Uh, I was a chronically depressed, lonely, bitter, cynical 19 yr old who thought I was going to spend my life utterly alone. Just change that 19 to 30 and I'm already there!
Well-meaning Teacher At Work: I know a guy I should fix you up with. His girlfriend will be mad, but ...
Grief counselor did say to get out with single friends, again, problem being I don't have any. Well, a 70 yr old man. Again, I'm not quite sure why I get along so well with all the 60yr old+ former Navy and Army guys but no one nearer in age seems to like me. Or if they do they drop me like a hot rock once they find out we don't share spiritual beliefs.
Wow..... I think you need better friends....... these people sound like jerks.
Maybe find some horseback riding groups through the internet? A group like this one???
Glad to hear you are in counseling; I hope you get what you need from it.
Maybe find some horseback riding groups through the internet? A group like this one???
Glad to hear you are in counseling; I hope you get what you need from it.
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