Husband just died

[benjoycei]

checking in again....hope you are hanging in there. It's times like this when we find out how strong we are.

 

[debilorrah]

Listen here lady, there are plenty of guys out there that see the person INSIDE right away. I don't think I am unattractive, but I am fat, I have to color my hair, I can't get pants to fit because of my "overhang" from having a child, and I have big boobs that make finding a dress impossible. I live in work clothes with tennis shoes.

And Ken loves me this way. We only met 3 years ago. We went on one date and I never left. I was 46, with a child and living with my mother!!! Prior to that I spent 14 years single and alone. It happens, and it happens when it is supposed to happen. Call it God's will, karma, fate, whatever. It happens when it is supposed to.

 

[Enchanted Sunrise Farms]

Hold on, wolftracks. You're 54 and done? No, no, no - you are still young with lot's of life ahead of you. i'm so very sorry for the losses you have suffered. i've lost many loved ones, although never a spouse. Can't imagine how painful that would be. But please don't think you're done at such a young age.

 

[GaNewChick]

Quote:
I hope this isn't taken wrong ~ but I do hope that your daughter doesn't sense this.

Stay strong, in due time ~ the right person will come along again.

 

[michickenwrangler]

This isn't some scuzzy guyI met at a bar. I don't go to bars.

It started off quite well, he said he had been noticing me and thought I was married so didn't think much beyond that. I ran into him in the break room at work and we made inane small talk. He said "I hope to see you around." Something about the way he said it seemed genuine, like he really DID want to see me again and it wasn't just a courtesy.

So the next day he called, the day after that he brought his daughter out to the barn to see the horses. While our daughters (who are close in age) played, he hung out with me while I hand-grazed Izzie. We met for breakfast a few times. He said I was pretty and he liked the fact that I was down to earth, that I had chickens and horses and liked camping and wasn't afraid to get dirty. Second date he kissed me, I told him I wasn't ready to go further. He said that was fine, he understood. He came over to my house the following week and got excited about the chickens and pond and woods and said he'd have to bring his daughter here for a visit. Another kiss, this time more passionate and without a lot of detail, I know he liked it but he didn't press for more. His b-day is this week and I offered to make him dinner on Sunday as a b-day present. He called Friday to say his ex wanted their daughter back earlier in the day and didn't know what plans would be, but he would call me Sat. He didn't. I tried to call him Sunday but couldn't get through. I came home to find a message on the answering machine saying that he tried to call my cell but the calls weren't going through (bad reception at the barn and it was a windy day) and that his daughter was sick and he wasn't feeling good either. I left a message in his phone. He only has a cell, not a landline and his house doesn't get good reception. I did call yesterday evening, trying to catch him before he went into work, but no answer, so I wonder if he even showed up if he wasn't feeling good.

His b-day is tomorrow. While I won't be able to cook him dinner, he did once say that he wanted to try farm fresh eggs and homemade cheese. I'll leave some in the fridge at work with his name on it, call to wish him a happy birthday, and beyond that ... I guess I'll just have to move on with my pathetic life if I never hear from him again.

I was actually getting out of the house and doing things and had something to look forward to that wasn't "horse-related." With Wayne's health, I haven't really had anything to look forward to in years. With Wayne's health, he hadn't been physically attracted to me in several years which took a huge toll on my self-esteem then and even now. I was feeling happiness I hadn't felt in a long time.

But I guess that it's fleeting.

 

[michickenwrangler]

Quote:
I hope this isn't taken wrong ~ but I do hope that your daughter doesn't sense this.

Stay strong, in due time ~ the right person will come along again.

Izzie, my horse, is what got me through the breakup of my first serious boyfriend and through others and is getting me through Wayne's death. I have honestly poured more love and emotion into that horse than even Wayne. I've been with her over 13 yrs, Wayne only 11 and my daughter only 6 (7 if you count pregnancy).

Though my daughter and I do things together, especially now that she's at an age where she can help me with stuff, I just don't have an emotional bond with her.

 

[teach1rusl]

It sounds as if you'd been growing away from your husband emotionally for quite some time before his death. But even if that's the case, you really need to slow down (I know you're hearing that a lot from us, because many of us have been there, at least emotionally) and take time for YOU and your daughter.
I pretty much hated my son's father by the time we divorced years ago. But despite the relief of being away from that, it was emotionally devasting to me. I felt that I'd failed. I was scared sh*tless about raising a child alone, financially, emotionally, physically. I was alone and I was lonely. Many of have had dark times in our lives. You will get through it and be a better person, a stronger person for it.
You don't need a man to make you complete. Find things to do that make you feel good about you, whether it's related to your animals, or taking evening classes at a local college...something. Who gives a rats ass about men right now??? Make YOURSELF happy and healthy. Get yourself into counseling (find out if your job will pay for x amount of visits) - those folks are paid to listen, and hopefully to get you thinking about YOU.

 

[chickflick]

Girl, you need to snap of out it. Ok, stuff happens. You got a child.... what do you mean you don't have an emotional bond with her.... she's 6. Think you need to work on that relationship and not worry so much about hitting it off with another guy. You don't need a man to feel beautiful and worthy. Wayne had problems and wasn't attracted to you.... that was HIS problem, not yours. Don't let a man define who you are. Make a list of all your strong points. You have a daughter, you love animals , you are beautiful, etc., etc. Quit already with all this negative sh**. It's not good for you or you daughter. You daughter needs you more now than ever. You got to get out of this funk!! You need to work on your relationship with your daughter right now.. before it's too late. I can't believe that you are closer to your horse than your daughter. Start working on that... she's more important, or should be.

 

[3goodeggs]

You don't have a bond with your daughter?
Then fake it. Fake it till you make it. Take time to bond. Make it happen.
It is the most important relationship she will ever have and you NEED to make it happen. Or she will always be wondering what is wrong with her that her own mother did not need her more than her horse.

You gave birth to a human being who depends on you not just for food and shelter but for compassion, love and family.
Don't let her be a stranger. Who else does SHE have. You are it in her eyes. You are all she really has.
She lost half of her life and existence.
Make it your priority to bond with her, or it will affect her the rest of her life.
One way to get over grief is to focus hard on something else. Focus on her.,even if you don't want to, like it, or feel like it. She needs you to.

Even if she says she's alright, or It's okay.
She is a child and she NEEDS a strong relationship with her mother.

 

[areyoumymother]

Quote:
X2

not having gone thru the death of a spouse I could not even begin to fully comprehend your loss.....but....

are you forgetting that your daughter lost her daddy ? Knowing the level of grief you are experiencing imagine the intensity of loss your daughter must be feeling right now. She is dependent on you now more than ever, step up to the plate and focus more on your daughters well being than on your own physical need for a relationship. Fill those moments of loneliness with your daughter !!