I AM SO MAD!!!

[dlhunicorn]

you know him better than I...that means the schmuck will NEVER let your kid forget the "birthday your mom never let you have"... bank on it.
Can you have a "proper" b-day party for him on the weekend with all his friends there and such (so it is extra special and thanks to you he gets "two" b-days)???

Believe me at that age (and considering you can bank on your ex making you out to be the wicked witch for not letting him go) I would seriously consider this alternative.

 

[cluckychick]

I have a son from a previous marriage and his father does not/has not/will not take an active part in his life either. My son is now 18 yrs old and I fought like hell to get his father here for his high school graduation because in the end it's what he wanted. I have always made it a policy to get along with him because we shared a child and that child loved his dad no matter what. I also made it my sons decision whether or not he wanted to go spend the weekend with him and his new wife and their children. There were alot of weekends he spent at home and alot of weekends he came home early or I went and got him. My son knows the kind of man his father his but he loves him anyway. Remember it's just a birthday. Have a party and invite his father. Life is long and he'll be a part of it, good or bad.

 

[nautical_bouy]

I know the feeling,,,
I'm a single Dad of a boy,8 and daughter, just turned 5.
My son's mother has seen him twice in 3 years,,, BTW, I raised him from 5 months old.
My daughters incubator was absent for 2 years, petitioned the court, and because she is now knocked up again, they found her stable enough to have her every other week.

I'm suppost to get 50 dollars a month including arrearages. yeah 50 a month for 2 kids,,, and it never happens. After I spent 20K in cash, pilfered my pension, put my career on hold, and lost my house, paying blood sucking lawyers to fight absent Mom's. Because I'm a guy fighting a gender bias.

I can scream louder, and remember, someone allways has it worse,,, I can continue about what I have been thru and what you could experience.

I have to fight to prove I am fit, and the women just have to cry,
I NEVER left my kids.

 

[Poison Ivy]

Hope everything works out for you & your kids.

 

[nautical_bouy]

Exactly why I am scared of my daughter having contact with the incubator, I never abandoned her, and one day if her incubator has the influance, she will grow up and make some poor guy as miserable as it made me. It's total BS guys have to fight a gender biased system.

 

[Dilly]

I agree with the ladies that advised you to suck it up and do what is best for the children no matter how angry or upset you Personally are. Or whether you like or dislike ex's. The kids deserve better from the adults.

Also, think about what you are doing, posting your family's private business on the INTERNET. Think how your children would feel if one day they read your rantings.
Think how the ex's could use yours angry words to prove that you are thinking more about yourself than the children.

It is hard but you owe the children, all of the children better.

Dilly

 

[DuckyBoys]

Well my ex hasn't paid anything in over 3 years but I still let him see our son. He had two more "unplanned" children with a crazy woman, so I sorta feel sorry for him. I don't need the money that bad or I'd make him pay up, so basically I just moved on. There is nothing he can do to upset me anymore. I took his power away. I don't speak badly about him to our son and I even stick up for him on occassion when our son is angry with him for not spending more time with him. The way I see it is this: My son is very smart- he knows exactly what is going on and one day (not very long from now) he will take it up with his father himself.

My job is to make sure my son has everything he needs regardless of his father's shortcomings. So that's what I do. It was completely liberating to let go of all the emotions involved and move on.

 

[Nichole77]

If he wants to play daddy he can pay child support. My sister took her ex to court over non payment and he went to jail until he paid. Then they went back and he was told that if he doesn't pay again back to jail he goes. Take him to court a lot, you don't need an attorney, just go to the courthouse and ask for the papers and they will give you the right ones. This might get him to back off.

 

[DuckyBoys]

I think court should be a last resort. It is financially and emotionally draining, and YES you absolutely need an attorney because if he gets one and you don't have one you put yourself and your children at risk. You can file papers for nothing but the state will not make sure you get your money no matter what they tell you - you can get your court order and take it to one of those child support collection agencies but they charge you 30% of whatever you get. You can send him to jail but then how will he pay you? Why send them to jail? Yes, it makes the other parent feel like there is some justice but if he's sitting in jail he doesn't have a job. It is really not that hard to avoid the state child support enforcement.

If you really must have the money to live - then go after it. If you want the money because you think he's not doing his share - try to get over it. You can't change other people you can only change yourself.

Tying yourself up in a court battle does no one any good.

 

[Dilly]

Quote:
Great post, Nice to read something that is not filled with revenge and hatred. Especially personal problems on what should be a fun happy place to talk CHICKENS.
Funny how easy it is to critisize the other party, when you should be looking inward at why you would of ever made such poor decisions, and move on. Be a better person than the one that got into the situation to begin with.

Dilly