Title pretty much sums it up. Having a rough day pain-wise and would love something to take my mind off of it. Stories, pics, jokes, just keep it clean and non=political, so the mods can get some rest too.
I could use some funny.
- Thread starter saddina
- Start date
We have a creeping charlie plant hanging on our pool fence right next to our carport door. A house wren made a nest in there, and at last peek, we had three eggs. Well, we hadn't paid attention to the nest at all lately, and I figured it had been abandoned by the mom. Well the other day, we were coming home, and I asked ds to poke his head in there and see what was going on. (he's considerably taller than me, and can easily see in).
So ds peeks in, and the mama bird flew out in his face! Startled the heck out of him, and we walked into the house laughing so hard we could hardly stand up!
Today I went out to water our tomato plant, and noticed little tomatoes starting on it. I came in and told my dd, and she gave me a blank look, and replied, "Is that a good thing?"
Hope you feel better soon, Saddina
So ds peeks in, and the mama bird flew out in his face! Startled the heck out of him, and we walked into the house laughing so hard we could hardly stand up!
Today I went out to water our tomato plant, and noticed little tomatoes starting on it. I came in and told my dd, and she gave me a blank look, and replied, "Is that a good thing?"
Hope you feel better soon, Saddina
Here ya go!! I love the school excuses.
Clean Jokes from the Classroom
Five School Excuse Notes
1. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
2. Please excuse Emma for being absent last week. She had flue so I had her shot.
3. Please excuse Eddie from P.E. Yesterday he fell out of a sycamore tree and misplaced his hip.
4. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
5. Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Know your Apples Funny Teacher Stories
Here is the scene: The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Church elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and put it on the apple tray...
'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
School Fee Increase
An English public school was forced to raise its fees. The headmaster, Mr Jackson decided that the best way to raise the extra money was to institute an across the board 6% increase per annum. Unfortunately, when his secretary typed the letter, she missed out a crucial 'n' in the last word, consequently, the letter read thus:
Dear Mr Elsworth
Due to increased costs, I have decided reluctantly to raise the school fees by 7% per anum.
Yours sincerely,
J.B. Jackson (Headmaster)
The following month, one concerned parent replied by saying:
Dear Headmaster
I regret your increase in fees, but I would like to continue paying through the nose as before.
Yours sincerely
W.K Elsworth
P.S. See more funny clean jokes from the classroom
Funny Clean Police Jokes
Police Officer in Court
Q: Policeman, when you stopped the defendant, were the red and blue lights flashing on your police car?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her vehicle?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Something Missing?
Last week, Vicky, a distraught wife went to the local police station in Wigan, Lancashire, along with her next-door neighbour, Pauline, to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
Vicky described him clearly and in detail, 'He is 35 years old, 6ft 4inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is softly-spoken and is fabulous with the children.
Pauline interrupts her protesting, 'Why Vicky, your husband is 5 ft 8 inches, corpulent, bald, has a big mouth, and is horrid to your children.
Vicky replied, with a sigh, 'Yes, but who wants HIM back?'
Clean Jokes from the Classroom
Five School Excuse Notes
1. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
2. Please excuse Emma for being absent last week. She had flue so I had her shot.
3. Please excuse Eddie from P.E. Yesterday he fell out of a sycamore tree and misplaced his hip.
4. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
5. Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Know your Apples Funny Teacher Stories
Here is the scene: The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Church elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and put it on the apple tray...
'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
School Fee Increase
An English public school was forced to raise its fees. The headmaster, Mr Jackson decided that the best way to raise the extra money was to institute an across the board 6% increase per annum. Unfortunately, when his secretary typed the letter, she missed out a crucial 'n' in the last word, consequently, the letter read thus:
Dear Mr Elsworth
Due to increased costs, I have decided reluctantly to raise the school fees by 7% per anum.
Yours sincerely,
J.B. Jackson (Headmaster)
The following month, one concerned parent replied by saying:
Dear Headmaster
I regret your increase in fees, but I would like to continue paying through the nose as before.
Yours sincerely
W.K Elsworth
P.S. See more funny clean jokes from the classroom
Funny Clean Police Jokes
Police Officer in Court
Q: Policeman, when you stopped the defendant, were the red and blue lights flashing on your police car?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her vehicle?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Something Missing?
Last week, Vicky, a distraught wife went to the local police station in Wigan, Lancashire, along with her next-door neighbour, Pauline, to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
Vicky described him clearly and in detail, 'He is 35 years old, 6ft 4inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is softly-spoken and is fabulous with the children.
Pauline interrupts her protesting, 'Why Vicky, your husband is 5 ft 8 inches, corpulent, bald, has a big mouth, and is horrid to your children.
Vicky replied, with a sigh, 'Yes, but who wants HIM back?'
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear......
A gummy bear......
- Thread starter
- #5
Those are great.... CS my 6 yr old will love that one.
Hate to say it, but I'm not too entertaining. I just didn't want your post to go unnoticed. I'm thinking about you and hoping the journey of whatever you're dealing with is a speedy road to recovery.
- Thread starter
- #7
Quote:
Thank you, it was a car accident, long and short the "meat" of my leg/hip/tush is seperated from the bone/joints. It's awful, and i'm lying here waiting for news on if we can do surgery or not.
Thank you, it was a car accident, long and short the "meat" of my leg/hip/tush is seperated from the bone/joints. It's awful, and i'm lying here waiting for news on if we can do surgery or not.
Quote:
Thank you, it was a car accident, long and short the "meat" of my leg/hip/tush is seperated from the bone/joints. It's awful, and i'm lying here waiting for news on if we can do surgery or not.
I'm sorry about your injury!
Alright, here's a story:
A young child was home alone while his mother was at work. He called her up, telling her, "Mommy, I found a leprechaun!" The mother was kind of worried, but she kept talking to her son and then hung up.
Again, later, her young child called again. "Mommy, I think the leprechaun's hungry!" The mother said, "No, honey, theres no leprechaun."
Her child insisted. "There was a leprechaun at the door, so I brought him inside!" Her child hung up, then called back 20 minutes later saying, "I locked the hungry leprechaun in the closet!"
Worried now, the mother asked her boss if she could go home early, because she was worried about her son. Her boss declined, so an hour later, the mother came home.
She found her son had cornered a midget, wearing a green shirt, into the closet, throwing skittles at it and shouting, "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"
The midget was the census guy.
Thank you, it was a car accident, long and short the "meat" of my leg/hip/tush is seperated from the bone/joints. It's awful, and i'm lying here waiting for news on if we can do surgery or not.
I'm sorry about your injury!
A young child was home alone while his mother was at work. He called her up, telling her, "Mommy, I found a leprechaun!" The mother was kind of worried, but she kept talking to her son and then hung up.
Again, later, her young child called again. "Mommy, I think the leprechaun's hungry!" The mother said, "No, honey, theres no leprechaun."
Her child insisted. "There was a leprechaun at the door, so I brought him inside!" Her child hung up, then called back 20 minutes later saying, "I locked the hungry leprechaun in the closet!"
Worried now, the mother asked her boss if she could go home early, because she was worried about her son. Her boss declined, so an hour later, the mother came home.
She found her son had cornered a midget, wearing a green shirt, into the closet, throwing skittles at it and shouting, "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"
The midget was the census guy.
- Thread starter
- #9
You uh... realize my wheelchair only makes me 3.5 ft tall?
*swears to stop wearing green*
*swears to stop wearing green*
What do ghosts have in their bras?
Boooooooobs!
Boooooooobs!
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