I don't know what I'm going to do

[babylady4]

What a schmuck!!!

It sounds like he wants all the fun and none of the work. How nice for him to be able to just walk away and have $ solve all the issues.....

Ok
#1 Get an attorney
#2 Document EVERYTHING!
#3 BREATHE!

That which does not kill us makes us stronger......

You will be fine and land on your own 2 feet, the pregnancy is making you more emotional that normal right now. I wish I was closer, I would most definitely visit you!

 

[Lunachick]

Quote:
Yeah, me too! what a coward! I'm so sorry for you monarc..........

I wish you the very best of luck in your situation.

 

[debilorrah]

I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry Nikki!!!!! That guy is certainly not worth the tears you are crying, what a complete and total BUTT! He is not a man.

You CAN do this. Women do it every day, and it is hard, but that childs smile will be worth everything.

 

[monarc23]

I did not mention this part on here, but I will now because I need information and support. There is a lady at my moms work who has been wanting a baby for a very long time. They have their own home and do foster for children who have been abused and what not but their true want in life is their own baby of which she cannot have. Yes, you probably know what im getting at. The day that he said it was over, I talked to my mom about adoption (opened adoption) and even though it makes her and I BOTH sad to think about me not raising the child I truely feel in my heart that alone this child wont be as happy as it could be, wont have as many opportunities as it should have..... but if I selflessly take the time to find it a loving home... maybe not with the lady at moms work (I would want to get to know her and her husband and their plans etc) but some diserving loving family who can give this baby what we (separated husband and me) ever could. Together we would have made it work, but apart this just isn't right, I deep down feel it isn't right. Please don't think im being selfish, far from it, im being selfless.... it's going to kill me to say goodbye to a baby I wanted, and held for 9 months..... I know im going to cry for weeks afterwards, but I truely feel this is Gods plan for me. Adoptive parents are there for a reason, I want this baby having a perminant two sides loving it family from a couple that's been together through thick and thin already and will only be complete with a baby to love.

I called my separated husband and begged and talked to him about this (because he was entirely against it) I explained all the reasons, and I came out of it with him completley understanding me. I got somewhere. He said he needs to think about it, but he said that he will more than likely say yes because he wants this baby to have opportunities we didn't have. He is worried that it won't know we loved it if we did that, but that's why I want an opened adoption so if if ever needs to ask us, it can pick up a phone or come and see me or him and understand why. So i can see pictures and watch it grow and maybe be strong enough to come and visit it.

We are being friends, and I told him again about how divorcing me may mess up the insurance and he said he's going to call an attorney anyhow to see where he stands but if he cannot divorce me AND keep me on, he wont divorce me until after the baby is born. I know you guys are all disgusted with him, but im not perfect either, and I dont' think im stable enough to raise this baby on my own no matter how much I love it. I need to give this baby a chance and look around and see what I can do for me to be a better person once I give this baby a chance.

I talked to him about allomoney (sp?) and such, and he explained it (he's done his homework, lots of guys on the rig are divorced and in the same boat as he will be in more than likely a big influence to his decision to do it) to me in some detail. I trust him enough, honestly, he's a wonderful human being besides leaving me..... I really dont think I'll find another like him.....he says I can but I don't see how, thought he was the only one.

He's going to give me his car if i want it. It needs fixed up but he's even willing to fix it up for me (he's not a mechanic type but his friend who is a really good guy is and he offered to help). He said he doesnt want it and since he has to pay on it anyhow, he will pay on it, help me fix it up, and it can be mine. This is even if the baby goes up for adoption he'd do that for just me.

He's trying to give me a chance.. ive finnally stopped crying because I am seeing there might be hope in this for me, and the baby even if the baby isnt with me.

 

[redhen]

Aww! sweetie! I dont know what to say! You are the only one that can make these very hard decisions. Only you know what you and the baby really need in this life. So, SO sorry you have to have this pain right now. Please dont make any rash/hasty decisions right now because you are scared.

 

[wegotchickens]

I think you are very wise.

When you have your own home, where you can paint the walls and hang a picture without permission, THAT is when you'll be ready for ANYTHING.

No matter what you decide, no one has a right to judge you. Only the Big Guy upstairs. And He sees what's in your heart.

 

[ChickBond 007]

I think you are brave.
I think you are more clear headed than I could ever be in that situation.
I think you are acting selflessly and doing the best for the child.

I would like to judge your husband, but I will not, as that is for Him alone to do.

If you need some self-confidence, go back and read the first three lines of my post. The good Lord knows what he has planned for you next. Perhaps this journey will show you new independence in your life that you've never dreamed of. One doesn't appreciate true happiness without knowing the depth of pain. This is a journey, a path you must travel through to reach that next level. I will pray for you on this journey.

 

[sfw2]

Quote:
I agree with this wholeheartedly. You will NOT be raising this child alone, and the fact that you've been a stay-at-home wife all this time makes you a divorce lawyer's DREAM. Your "husband" thinks he's miserable now? Wait till the child support and alimony start.

I do agree that you need to do what is best for you and the baby. I also think that you need time to make that decision. Please continue to take good care of yourself. You WILL get through this.

 

[horsejody]

Please do NOT let that man tell you whether or not you are entitled to alimony or how much you should get based on his knowledge of what happened to his buddies. That is something that he does NOT get to decide or control. Get a lawyer. Your ex is not your friend. He is a coward. He is a loser. He is a user. He is selfish. He is NOT a good husband. He is a lot of things, but he is NOT your friend. He is a selfish man that looks out for himself. He does NOT have your best intersts in mind. He has his own best interests in mind. As for the apdoption, think long and hard about it. Go talk to a priest, minister, or a good counselor. Take a deep breath and take it slow. No matter what you do, I wish you the best. That man has left you. Don't let him have any control over your life.

DO NOT TRUST THAT MAN!! HE DOES NOT HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART!!

 

[1stepcloser]

Quote:
I agree with this wholeheartedly. You will NOT be raising this child alone, and the fact that you've been a stay-at-home wife all this time makes you a divorce lawyer's DREAM. Your "husband" thinks he's miserable now? Wait till the child support and alimony start.

I do agree that you need to do what is best for you and the baby. I also think that you need time to make that decision. Please continue to take good care of yourself. You WILL get through this.

ITA! It is time to push the pain aside (deal with that later when you have luxury of falling apart) and go into survival mode. Men like that need a BIG swift kick in the pants from an attorney. You do whatever you have to do to make sure you and the little one will be financially supported. Mourn the loss of this (((insert dirty word))) but do what you have to do to survive.