I Don't Know What To Think

[Welshies]

Hey guys
I don't know what to think currently. I am very much in love with my boyfriend of 10 months, he is perfect. Or he was.
3 months ago during the summer he worked at a camp as a camp counsellor, he came home and said "i met this girl". He didn't cheat but I have been cheated on in the past so it really imprinted itself into my mind. Then later he told me she liked him and tried to kiss him. Then a couple weeks after he added her as a friend on snapchat and began talking to her.
He knew i had issues so deleted her. Just this past week i left for a family trip. I came back to find out he had bumped into her while swimming, now as immature as this will sound I am very socially anxious and insecure and she is VERY pretty
Shortly after he added her on sc after being told to by her twin sister. He then continued to talk to her, i found out yesterday. Asked him why he did this and he replied with a "i wanted friendship".
But then I found an old conversation after he let me look through his phone where he said if circumstances were different we'd be dating, you are pretty, etc.
He is loyal and would never physically cheat but is this emotional cheating?
I also have a LOT of issues with this, some damage from it in the past and am very socially anxious as stated before (SAD, social anxiety disorder). I am not sure how to deal with this I am feeling very lost and confused.
I don't plan on breaking up with him, we have always worked thru issues together, and I forgave him but i am left with a lot of feelings. Anyone got any ideas or ways to help?

 

[Mylied]

I'm cool with female friends. It's totally different if there is mutual attraction and flirting going on. That's just asking for trouble. Sit down, talk calmly, tell him your concerns and that you are not comfortable with this friendship. If he loves and respects you, he'll stop talking to her. If not, move on. Plenty of good guys out there.

 

[MrsMistyReal]

From personal experience if they are willing to hide, eventually you'll be taken for a ride.Get some professional help & get on with your life. Just my opinion, no person is worth the headache. Especially if the individual knows you've been hurt before, in a similar situation. He is just plagiarizing on that.

 

[Care for chicks]

I'm cool with female friends. It's totally different if there is mutual attraction and flirting going on. That's just asking for trouble. Sit down, talk calmly, tell him your concerns and that you are not comfortable with this friendship. If he loves and respects you, he'll stop talking to her. If not, move on. Plenty of good guys out there.

I agree

 

[Welshies]

From personal experience if they are willing to hide, eventually you'll be taken for a ride.Get some professional help & get on with your life. Just my opinion, no person is worth the headache. Especially if the individual knows you've been hurt before, in a similar situation. He is just plagiarizing on that.

I don't believe he was trying to hide it, it was more a misunderstood situation, but I am still hurt nonetheless.

 

[MrsMistyReal]

Well all the best

 

[Welshies]

Well all the best

We'll see how it goes. A good long talk and some time to forgive and heal might sort things out.

 

[ChickNanny13]

When playing with fire, someone always get burned.

 

[Bunnylady]

Seems to me this is a perfect test of how serious he is about you. You've been dating less than a year; that's not all that long, really.

I'm curious about why he felt a need to tell you about her at all. ""I met this girl."' "She liked him and tried to kiss him." Why tell you this at all, even without your anxiety issues?

You've heard the expression, "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," right? Forget about openness and honesty; if it is hurtful to your partner, you spare their feelings and don't speak of it, especially if it means nothing to you. Is he trying to make you jealous, or just bragging that he's attractive to other girls? Either way, it's immature of him (and not unusual male behavior, from what I've seen *sigh*).

All in all, it sounds to me like he isn't as into you as you may be into him. I'm not saying you should break up with him, just take a step back, and recognize that this is the kind of fragile, flawed creature that you are dating - one that will flirt for some reason of his own, and then tell you about it. And yes, he will hurt you, and continue to hurt you, in this way. My thought is, if she wants him, she's welcome to him; better to deal with a big hurt now than to feel that you can't ever really trust him.

 

[Welshies]

Seems to me this is a perfect test of how serious he is about you. You've been dating less than a year; that's not all that long, really.

I'm curious about why he felt a need to tell you about her at all. ""I met this girl."' "She liked him and tried to kiss him." Why tell you this at all, even without your anxiety issues?

You've heard the expression, "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," right? Forget about openness and honesty; if it is hurtful to your partner, you spare their feelings and don't speak of it, especially if it means nothing to you. Is he trying to make you jealous, or just bragging that he's attractive to other girls? Either way, it's immature of him (and not unusual male behavior, from what I've seen *sigh*).

All in all, it sounds to me like he isn't as into you as you may be into him. I'm not saying you should break up with him, just take a step back, and recognize that this is the kind of fragile, flawed creature that you are dating - one that will flirt for some reason of his own, and then tell you about it. And yes, he will hurt you, and continue to hurt you, in this way. My thought is, if she wants him, she's welcome to him; better to deal with a big hurt now than to feel that you can't ever really trust him.

Well, he told me more because he saw her as a friend, and about the kissing thing because one of his friends decided to tell me she liked him. He is very flawed in that way. Innocent and clueless to how girls think, with friends that try to meddle in his relationships. He doesn't have many friends, so i don't blame him for wanting more. But I knew how she'd see what he was doing, but apparently, he did not.
Either way, I don't plan to break up with him unless this happens again. We usually talk through and work through things together, and we slowly are. Still doesn't change the fact that it happened, though.