I got something on my mind and I think it's important.

rancher hicks · Nov 10, 2011

It's kinda sad and well it makes me sad anyhow.

In the book East of Eden Mr. Hamilton relates to a mans life as either being good or being bad. He states that a good life is one where the world is worse off when you die, and a bad life is one where the world is better off when you die.

Now I suspect that most have better lives than they realize. In fact I'm pretty sure at my age this is true, but here's a couple of lives I'm not so sure about.

When my MIL (dw aunt) died, there were very few "friends" who came to her wake. She was a mean old woman who never was willing to give or do anything for anyone. Her husband was the same. Holidays only involved DW and her sister and the kids. She only had one brother and things weren't good between them or his ornery wife. Truth is it was more her than him. In fact for a period of time we didn't even go to the in laws cuz MIL complained that DW ruined her Easter by going into labor for our youngest. That was the one thing that DW got upset about. There were other things but I guess DW had had enough. Nothing I said could change her mind. One thing I know is don't get between your spouse and their family. My FIL had passed a year before to the same wake situation. We had to pay pall bearers for each of them.

So there sat DW, her sister, me and our 13 yr old son. for the entire two hours and no one came. It was a sad commentary for a life. Which brings me to the most recent story.

DW was out for lunch with some of the church ladies and saw a woman that looked familiar. She didn't recognize her til she was leaving. Apparently the woman didn't approach DW first though she recognized her. Well as it turned out it was DW's best friend from high school.

This friend once said to DW that she could have done better , in regards to her marrying me, which of course I took as a slam, but that was more than 35 years ago.

Now I knew that this woman had cheated on her first and only husband and was divorced and that money was a priority. She was always working for the money and good life according to how she saw things. She eventually had one son by I don't know who, later in life. He's in college now.
Her parents of course have passed on and the business that she invested so much of her life into has gone belly up. The roof apparently collapsed and the insurance company won't pay the nearly 1 million dollars to fix it so it went into foreclosure. She's now in a business that she hates and I'm certain doesn't pay well.

In talking with this woman she told DW that she regrets her choices and wishes she had more children, cuz family is important.

So what's my point? You may look around and think what you are and have isn't much compared to some, but your living a "good" life. Don't matter whether your skinny or fat, straight or gay, ugly or handsome/ pretty. You can still live a "good" life. No one can stop you from living a "good" life.

Now I do miss my MIL and I kinda think she was coming around but time ran out. She had a heart attack. If your still kickin and you need to make changes you still got time. I know most everyone here is nice, but that's cuz you ain't with me twenty four seven.

I just thought you should know.

Counting my blessings,

Rancher Hicks.

chicmom · Nov 10, 2011

Rancher Hicks, sure give a person something to think about......I often wonder how many people will come to pay their last respects when I die. Often times, I think, not many. I do kind of keep to myself, but I cherish my family. My kids and husband, and grandchildren mean the world to me.

I do have a sister though, who is an alcoholic, and not a real nice person....She's been married 5 times, pregnant 7 times but has only 3 sons, she lies and she can be violent at times. Had to get her out of my life. She's moved away and I'm glad. Lives in another state, far from the rest of us.

Friendships are something you have to work at. Sometimes I feel like there's no time for that with my busy life....working full time, raising a family and even helping to raise the grandchildren.....

What you wrote makes me think about putting a little more work into some of my friendships.....

Chickerdoodle13 · Nov 10, 2011

Those are some good points, Rancher.

I'd like to hope that before I die, I can look back on my life and feel I have made a difference somewhere. I'd like to think people would feel the same coming to my funeral.

I think your right, about taking a "good" life for granted. Many of us get so caught up in what could be of should be that we forget about all we have already. I'm often guilty of it and sometimes it takes a bit of a shock to realize how good I really do have it. If only we didn't have to be reminded so often!

Orchid · Nov 10, 2011

That's a good reminder, rancher hicks.

And as for that comment made about you by your wife's ex-friend - she, quite obviously, did not know a good husband when she saw one.

SunshineSilkies · Nov 10, 2011

Enjoyed the story...so true sometimes. I have learned to be thankful for everything that I have. I have a wonderful supportive husband in this crazy hobby of mine, 4 children and 10 grandchildren. I try to treat everyone with kindness and do not prejudge according to another opinion. I hope lots of people have a good time at my funeral.......

Beekissed · Nov 10, 2011

I don't know that personal worth or goodness can be measured by how many people are at your funeral. I've seen some mighty nasty, crooked folks who have a large turn out and sweet as honey old ladies who did nothing but good just have a few folks. Circumstantial evidence, at best.

The final tally of your good deeds and your bad are not going to be measured here on Earth...but they will be recorded elsewhere.

I agree that all people need to monitor their effect on those around them and engage in self-analysis at every step of the journey so you can adjust as you go along. Good treatment of others has more far-reaching affects than any of us can even calculate, as does treating people badly.

Like ripples in a pond, everything we do has potential to touch another human being and affect their path in life. With that in mind, it certainly behooves us to tread gently when it is needed, give of ourselves when needed, stand up for what is right when needed and try hard to leave behind a wake of kindness, if it is in our power to do so.

kathyinmo · Nov 10, 2011

Hmmmm, you sure got me to thinking.....
I think I will ask my family to have me cremated, and forget the funeral-memorial service.

chuckeychickens · Nov 10, 2011

Thanks, Rancher Hicks, for reminding us about what we all know, deep down. We must give to receive. It's just that simple.

debilorrah · Nov 10, 2011

If I wake up earth side of a pine box, it's a good day.

Ksane · Nov 10, 2011

But what about those of us who don't *want* a big gathering of people at our funeral boo-hooing with self-pity? People who in all honesty didn't much care for us when we were alive?
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. The people who honest-to-God care about me are the people I live with and talk to every day. They don't have to go to my funeral to prove I mean something to them.

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