I have to vent about my extremly traumatic experience.

[K4zn4v3]

Thank you all. This is the first time I have lost anything or anyone, person or pet. I didnt think it was posible for emotions to hurt this bad.

 

[mtnviewfarms]

My heart breaks for you and your loss. Although nothing can bring your beloved drake back it does help to tell of your
loss - especially to others who share your deep love and attachment to your animal 'friends'.

Three years ago I lost my beloved little rat terrier Pistol in much the same manner. I felt such guilt because he had not
wanted to get out of our warm bed that late January day and I literally 'pulled him out from under the covers' and 'made'
him go outside that morning because his habit was to come back in and get back into bed and nap until about 10 a.m.

He normally just went right outside our front door in the yard for his 'early a.m. ritual' but on this morning he must have
been distracted by a squirrel or followed my larger dog into the street.

When he didn't have his nose to the back door in a few minutes with his adorable little foot up on the glass asking
to be let back in the house I instinctively 'knew' something had happened to him and went outside to look.

It was still not quite light out so I took a flashlight and went out to the street and shined it up and down the street
while calling his name. No Pistol.

When I called my husband out to help me look for Pistol I was nearly hysterical - Pistol 'was my baby' and best
companion as I have medical problems and at that time was 'homebound' and he literally helped me stay sane
and cope.

By now it was getting light out and my husband was coming toward me across the yard cradeling 'my baby'
limp and lifeless in his arms.

I fell to the ground sobbing and screaming like a madwoman. Life as I knew it and I would never be the same
again without my Pistol. We laid him out in the front yard on his favorite blanket and let our other dogs and
cats 'say goodbye' before we buried him in his favorite blanket in our backyard.

Although it's been several years now and I have another dog who is nearly as wonderful as Pistol - there is
just nothing like losing someone you have loved that deeply. Time will slowly begin to heal the immediacy and
intensity of your pain and guilt. Cry all you need to - tears are the rain of the soul. God be with you dear one.

Before you give the female duck away why don't you wait a few weeks to see if that changes what you want to
do about her. You can always rehome her after that time and maybe as someone suggested you can temporarily
get someone else to tend to her needs until you can cope with it again.

About a month before Pistol was killed my husband found a tiny pup at a gas station near our house that was
so small he was barely weaned - would fit in the palm of your hand - and he'd been abandoned at the curb with
a 1/4 bag of puppy chow. Can you imagine? It was only a couple weeks after christmas and we figured he had
been given to someone as a 'gift' and they quickly tired of 'cleaning up his puppy poo' and dumped him out to
fend for himself at barely 6 weeks of age.

After Pistol's death I NEARLY HATED THAT LITTLE PUP. He was alive and my dear Pistol was not yet I had to
pick up after him all the while grieving my Pistol - I could hardlly tolerate the little guy at that time.

God moves in mysterious ways and fast forward six months after Pistol's untimely death and Possum ( my
husband named him because when he was little he looked somewhat like a Possum - fortunately when he
grew up he did not ) had slowly but ever so surely tugged at my heart so many times with his adorable
habits and endearing ways that I found myself unable to imagine his not being in our lives. In many ways
Possum is even closer to me than Pistol could be - just because of the temperament differences in their
breeds. Anyway - Possum is very different in every way than Pistol but I have come to love Possum every
bit as much as I ever loved Pistol - not in exactly the same way but just as strongly and as deeply.

Telling you all this has helped me too and I'm hoping it will you you. Take care.