I Just Want Her to be Loved :(

[Dar]

there is a reason we have not spoke to my MIL for over 10 years she has no idea about my DD who is 7

 

[agnes_day]

i can relate! my monster in law told my husband that our kids had defective genes because of me and that she never wanted to see them again. i simply just dont bring her up..shes a complete non issue in our lives.

 

[hollymh]

Thanks guys, my MIL is stuck though... My husband has told me to just ignore her and stop worrying about it but it still ticks me off to no end at how childish and selfish she is. The problem is that I can't just eliminate her beucase my daughter's grandfather does love her and misses her terribly and he is a good man, I don't want to hurt him. I loathe the woman, I really do but I'm between a rock and a hard place here

This bites.

 

[littlefarm_bighappy]

Hun, as someone who has toxic people on both sides of the family-
The reason why she is investing in this young family is because they are needy and easy to control. Since you are more established and don't need her, she knows she won't be able to manipulate you.
On the other side, this young set of kids is going to have to tiptoe around her and not say anything because she gives them things they think they need. When you think about what you would rather have- 100% say in raising your kid or a few material items- well I know what i choose.

 

[mamagardener]

If my mother ever treated my husband and children the way your husbands mother does, I would just cut her right out of my life. I am sorry to be mean, but if she is hateful to my other loved ones, I would not want to have anything to do with her at all and I would tell her that. If she loves her son she should treat his family with respect.

I am sure it is hard for you and your daughter, especially a little girl who can't understand why grandma is the way she is. Luckily for your daughter she has you, a very loving mother!

 

[Germaine_11.20]

Why not tell Grandpa that you need him to come to your house for visits? I bet he understands.

 

[MandyH]

I'm with ddawn about ridding yourself of toxic relatives. I grew up in the situation your daughter was in. My mom married my stepdad when I was 4 years old, but my step grandmother NEVER liked me or my mom and she always made it known. When we HAD to go to their house for Christmas they always had gifts for my dad and sister but never for me and mom. We had to sit there with a smile on our faces while we watched everybody else open gifts. Finally my mom told my dad that she wasn't going to put me through that anymore and told me that I didn't have to go if I didn't want too. I never went back except for their funerals and I only did that for my dad's sake. They both lived to be 96 years old and have just recently died in the last two years. I can honestly say I never cared for them because of the way they treated me and mom, but she made sure she explained to me in aa nice way what was going on. My dad quit going out there too a LONG time ago and told them it was because of the way they treated us and that if they couldn't include me and mom, then he would take no part in it either. When my sister wanted to visit mom or dad would drop her off and then go pick her up when she was ready. They were alway good as gold to her.

 

[PotterWatch]

It is sad an unfortunate, but it does happen. My mil is the same way. For some reason we don't know, she just doesn't like us (dh is one of 7 and six of them including my husband are her step children). I am perfectly happy not to be around her. My husband finds it hard to let go completely and is always trying to figure out why she treats us this way. I think she just isn't a nice person and there is nothing we can do to change it. If I were you, I would just stop seeing this woman.

 

[redhen]

I wouldnt have your daughter around this woman. Not a good thing to expose a kid to. Its better to have no contact than negative contact. Good luck!

 

[fordmommy]

Quote:
My MIL is exactly the same. After 11 tears we have managed to be civil. But she will never completely change. My MIL even tried to commit suicide the day after my youngest's baptism. Lovely.

She has mental issues. We think she is bi-polar.

Just don't take it to heart. If that means you have to break the ties with her....than do it. You and your family should never have to suffer for her behaviors. Show your child how people are really to treat others and not have her see the meanness in some people.

My heart goes out to you.