I keep getting told that I'm a bad parent.

[cassie]

I read all these comments and some make my jaw drop, some I agree with, and others OH HECK NO!!!! Someone called CPS on me because my 2 year old feel asleep on a blanket outside, under a table, with me sitting right there. Yes there is such thing as just ridiculous.

However!!! Yes MUCH has changed out there. People are waiting longer in life to have children, and that causes genetic mutations, which results in people that are basically not right in the head. The level of mentally ill in this nation is ten fold what it was 20 years ago.

Those of you my age, 51, remember coming home when the street lights came on, rode our bikes to school, walked to friends houses without a thought. Now, kids that do that are being snatched off the street and molested. There is a reason there is Megan's Law, Amber Alerts, sexual predators registry, etc.

Stepping down from my soap box, there are plenty of ways to keep your kid protected and allow them to be independent. Following them to know they are safe without letting them know. Demanding a phone call when they reach their destination, kid friendly cell phones with GPS.... There are a ton of ways to do these things without believing we are living in 1960. We are NOT.

Just a comment, and then I will shut up. Bad things happened in the "good old days" in the 1950's and '60's too. Sexual predators, abductions, child abuse in all forms were just as common in times past as they are now. We just didn't hear about them. Not all that long ago many parents and caregivers who killed or abused their children never saw the inside of a courtroom because these cases were often never investigated at all. Child kidnapping and abductions, ditto. Until just a very few years ago it was a lot easier to track a stolen car than it was a missing kid. There was simply no data base to track missing children. It was only after the abduction and murder of little Adam Walsh that that was changed.

In the late 1950's and early '60's I was growing up in Saratoga California. Saratoga was and is a small, very upscale town with a very low crime rate. Ours was a nice house in, to all intents and purposes, a very safe neighborhood of long time residents where everybody knew everybody. Be that as it may, shortly after I graduated from high school and moved away a little girl was taken right out of the back yard of the house I used to live in. Someone just lifted her over the back fence and took her away. The case was never solved. The guilty party had to have been a resident of the area, and most likely someone who grew up there. Someone just passing through would not have known how to snatch the girl without being seen, or know about the private place by the creek where her body was found.

All I am saying is this. Things haven't changed nearly as much as we think they have. That said, using common sense and teaching children (and adults) how to keep themselves safe is, and has always been, in order. Teaching them to be aware of their surroundings, that their private parts are private, and that if something doesn't feel right, to pay attention to their gut, is a good start.

 

[downsm75]

The only thing that has changed is who has authority. It used to be adults. Now it's children. Teenage pregnancy has ALWAYS been an issue. It was just handled differently through out time. Child offenders have always been there, it's just handled differently today. Kids are taught to not trust, obey and be quiet.
Families used to hush about that "uncle thay just wasn't right in the head" and sweep issues under the rug. Now, we as mothers, refuse to "allow" our children to be toys. People that abuse are sent to jail and are part of high profile court cases. It has been brought to main stream media.
Kids were to be seen and not heard. Now, they are seen and heard LOUD. NO, things have NOT changed so much, except who has authority. In some ways, it's a good thing, and some a bad thing. I believe in spankings, not beatings. I also believe an adult has NO RIGHT to take a childs innocence or life or the opposite.
A two year old should be watched at all times. A hand should be held because there WILL come a day that you WISH YOU STILL COULD. I'm not the most perfect mom (although my kids THINK I am) but, I didn't give my kids that much freedom until they were preteens.

 

[The Big Dog]

Yeah well I guess I am a bit out of my element here, but I will say this............any 2, 4 or even 5 year old child wandering away from their house by themselves and...........The Authorities will be called.
I am not saying thats right or wrong, just the way it is now.
Times HAVE changed.

Cheers.............The Dog

 

[chickened]

The world today is far different from the one that I grew up in. In my world we knew everyone in town and freedom was a given. At 3 or 4 I was allowed to go wherever I wanted, and most of my time was spent wandering throughout the Sourland Mt. My method of getting places was walking, riding my bike, or hitch hiking. Basicaly my kids were raised the same way - except for the hitch hiking, that was a NO NO. I had one bad experience with a guy who gave me a ride and one bad experience with a druggy that I gave a ride to. This changed my mind about hitch hiking and hitch hikers. In today's world many no longer know their neighbors, it seems as if there is a lot more weirdness going on out there, and in many areas parents must exert more control over their children to assure their safety. It's a deccision every family must reach and is dependent upon the environment in which the family resides.

That is because our society has allowed and some have embraced that behavior... I have a good guess what your experience was hitchhiking as a young male was.

 

[chickened]

Dangers existed way back when and new and different ones exist today, that has not really changed... do we fear wild Indians any more? or stampeding buffalo? no of course not what has changed is the lack of common sense and that is attributed to a form of a nanny state IMO where otherwise good parents allow other people to virtually raise thier kids. My MIL said if you as a mother are going to work you better find a daycare you like to raise your kid for you.

A child will never recieve the love and care a parent is capable of giving when timespent is replaced with rules.

 

[oesdog]

I have 4 grown children.
I grew up with a great deal of freedom.
When I was about 7 yrs old I was walking to our local primary school unattended. I could play anywhere in the village, even over the fields for hours and in the river and ponds and up trees! I got up to all sorts of mischief. My mother only expected me home for dinner. Which was something we all had to do. So 5 pm I was home for dinner whatever was going on. Most days I would have been out from 9 am or earlier - home for a spot of lunch and out again till dinner.
From the age of 11 yrs I was able to ride my bike the 6 miles to" big school" and back. Go to friends homes and go to local clubs like young farmes or church youth clubs. It was expected of us young folk to be out and about "helping" neighbors or helping with farm work. Often my parents only knew what I was up to all day once I got home and told them.
When I was 16 yrs old and accepted into college I was allowed to ride the bus to town alone to get there. I was never ever allowed into town alone before that. From then until I left home I could go anyplace I wonted to but I had to be home by 9.30 pm and my mother had to be told if I required a meal or not. I was always made to go to bed at 10.30pm right up until I left home. If there was something special on in the evening like a barn dance or something like that I could stay out until 10.30 at the latest and my father would come get me. This was in my day "freedom".

As for under 5 - my mother used the rule UNDER 5s STAY INSIDE! Which basically meant under 5 yrs we were never let out the gate alone ever! Once I reached 5 - 6 I was only ever alowed to play in our road. It was only once I reached 7yrs I began to walk to school without my mother.

I think things are not as good these days for kids. There is a lot more awarmess of preditors than there used to be. Back in the 70s it was not so inocent. There were serial killers like Ian brady and Myra Hindly still fresh in everyones minds. Over in the states you had your share of killers too.

I am of the opinion that young children should always be supervised. A two yr old should never be left to walk the length of the street without supervision. Apart from cars and all those things if he/she was approached he/she would not understand the dangers and thus I think that eliment of freedom needs to be age appropriate. The child needs a level of understanding of danger which clearly a 2 yr old does not posses and rightly so. Babies should be treated as such and protected from all dangers. It is so easy to turn a head and lose a child - think of poor wee Jamie Bulger age two yrs who died a horrible death at the hands of abductors who were themselves only 10yrs of age. Be mindful of your children and keep them safe. You cannot protect them all of the time but neither is it right to open up danger to them unnessicerily. There is always a real and present danger.

Oes

 

[downsm75]

I COMPLETELY imagined that Irish accent while reading that

 

[KristyHall]

Dangers existed way back when and new and different ones exist today, that has not really changed... do we fear wild Indians any more? or stampeding buffalo? no of course not what has changed is the lack of common sense and that is attributed to a form of a nanny state IMO where otherwise good parents allow other people to virtually raise thier kids. My MIL said if you as a mother are going to work you better find a daycare you like to raise your kid for you.

A child will never recieve the love and care a parent is capable of giving when timespent is replaced with rules.

" We" didn't fear wild indians, but invading Europeans. I'm still afraid of stampeding buffalo, but we call them over fed spoiled horses that have no regaurd for shoeless feet, ouch. Otherwise, i pretty much agree with the basics of what you are saying.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I grew up in a cop family so all my life I was taught to be aware of my surroundings. Growing up surrounded by cops gives one a certain level of paranoia.

BUT...while my parents were very careful about giving out information, locking doors, and who their kids went with, we were also given quite a bit of freedom and independence. My brother and I were always allowed to watch R rate movies. We were allowed in the neighborhood with friends as long as we were back by a certain time. There were never curfews or alcohol restrictions in our house. My brother and I never felt the need to rebel and rarely ever got punished. The threat of punishment (Being sent to our rooms or having a favorite toy taken away) were enough.

I don't think it's good to be overprotective, but I do think it is a good idea to be SAFE. Talk with your kids and allow them to talk to you. Teach them about crimes and drugs. Let them know that in order for you to feel like you can trust them, they need to show that they are trustworthy.

I'm a big fan of raising children with a good balance of freedom and protection.

 

[dewey]

I think a lot of kids are just fortunate to survive some parenting methods.