I live with a bunch of pigs!

[Mattemma]

If my family were indiffirent like this I would stop cleaning up after them.It if got to hoarder nasty stage I might just take a vacation at a friends CLEAN house (I would help ),and leave the family in the nastiness.

My dh knows I hate dishes left on the table.If he eats and walks away I will leave those dishes there.Usually he cleans up if he wants his next meal served.

 

[r4eboxer]

I am getting my plan of action together and I am taking advice from each of you it seems. Really it was the same advice. "Go on strike" I do plan to do that. First I am going to get the house and laundry in order. I am going to present my demands to them. Then I am going to "throw" away their stuff. I will not actually throw it away but put it in my gardening shed. Since our garage is detached I am going to get one of the muck mats suggested here and make them go all the way around the house into the basement. (I have requested they do this anyway and have been ignored) This time I am going to collect the shoes and place them in the "garbage". I have decided I am not going to taxi my 16 yr old around for basketball. He has try outs today and if he makes it we will find a ride on his own until he begins to treat me with respect. He is the worst one. MY 11 yr old does make an attempt to pick up after himself. It is the 16 yr old that is the tornado that rips through the house most often.

I'm afraid I have made my DH sound like a bad egg. He doesn't help like he should and has that history but right now he is working 16 hours a day 5 days a week and on weekends usually at least 6 hours Sat and Sund. He is building me a chicken coop etc. I just need him to help me hold the boys accountable and not give me a hard time if a hide a sports uniform or make the boys sit out a game or practice. He does push the boys in sports some so this is the biggest concern for me.

I have gone on strike before and really they just waded through and over stuff. They never decided to pick up on their own. I also left the farm for 4 months and went to live in the house in town. That didn't work either, but hubby did have to do any household chores.
You know when I was 'on strike' before my kids would just get anything clean to eat out of. If it was a serving bowl or a pan they would use it. I couldn't take it anymore and finally cleaned up.

I am going to limit the amount of dishes available and clothing available. We will see and I will keep you all updated.

To top it all off I am sick so my plan is most likely going to get a late start. I can't talk I have laryngitis.

 

[SillyChicken]

Oh Boy!!! If you don't teach those boys to pick up after themselves, who will? They need to know how to do their own laundry and how to clean up after themselves... you are just creating another husband like yours (not that hes' a bad guy, but you said he's just as bad) for your future DDILs to be frazzled with, increase their chances of divorce cause their wives get sick of picking up after them... and next thing ya know we have a zombie appocolyps! LOL! Better start now!

To be fair, I would take each one to the laundry area, teach them how to seperate, how to set the machine, how much soap, and how to use the dryer... and tell them from now on, they are on their own for laundry. The light and dark basket is a great idea. And let them know, any clothes they leave on the floor for you to pick up, will disappear and NOT be replaced. I would then tell them it starts today, go pick up all your clothes NOW, cause if I have to do it, you won't get them back. And then you gotta stick to it, and follow through - NO threats about what you will do unless you do it! If the football player needs a ride to practice, and refuses to do his laundry or clean up, you no longer have the time and cannot take him - he has to miss. Same goes for picking up after them. Any trash you pick up goes in their beds! Tell them upfront what you're going to do, and then follow through. This way they will know the consequences.

No one is doing their kids a favor if they don't teach them how to clean up, do their own clothes, sew on a button, cook etc. You're teaching them habbits that could make or break their future marrages, and just have a clean home if they're on their own... etc.

My first DH had a mother that did EVERYTHING for him. So when we got married - yeah guess who had to do everything - including mow the lawn, take care of the house inside and out etc. I call it the "Majic Hamper syndrome". It lasted 6 years.

My current DH, had a tough life, not the best mom, ended up in foster system.. he learned how to take care of himself. Now, he does everything, cleans his bathroom, does laundry, dishes, cooking, canning and some cleaning and can sew a button! He's supper great about helping out - our relationship has lasted 20 years! (married 16 yrs)>

Good luck!!

 

[chicmom]

How about hampers in each room. My step children, and my one son are all pigs. I have gotten to the point where I just shut their bedroom doors so nobody sees them.

Sounds like you need to make a chore list, and if they refuse to take it seriously, then you don't drive them around, you don't give them money, you don't make them supper..........MOM ON STRIKE!

 

[CheekyMare]

My dad threw my entire bedroom out my window because I had it so messy he said it just looked like trash. INCLUDING THE BED!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a 2nd story room and I had to spend hours getting all my stuff out of the trees and mud. You could see it from the highway and I was SO humiliated.

 

[off-grid hen]

I had a boyfriend who would leave his clothes everywhere. I like doing laundry, but I wasn't about to go around collecting everything. He is a grown man and can be responsible enough to put his stuff in the hamper.

After a few weeks of getting annoyed but not doing anything about it, I decided that unless the clothes are in the hamper, they won't be washed. I informed him of this decision, and I let him know that the wash would be done on a certain day of the week. (had to haul it across the street in the apartment complex). This way, he could have a few days to get his "stuff" together and pick up a little. I told him, "You want someone to clean up after you, go live with your mother."

I wasn't expecting him to turn into a clean freak, just pick up the clothes more frequently. I wasn't mean about it, but there it was. The following week, I washed all the clothes in the hamper. He looked in his empty drawer and said, "Where are all my socks and underwear? Didn't you do laundry yesterday?"

I CALMLY ( but a little smugly, I admit) said, "I washed everything that was in the hamper." *Picture clothes throughout the apartment where he left them.* He glared at me, picked up his clothes, and in a huff went to the laundrymat across the street. He was mad at me for a while, but I didn't have a problem with that. If he would have yelled at me I would have left.

My current husband doesn't do dishes. I also hate the dishes. I work more than full time and don't have a dishwasher. I packed away all but 3 of everything. (plates, spoons, glasses, etc). If everything is dirty and someone wants to use something, they have to wash it. It's funny that after I did that I get help in the evening after supper, and I didn't have to say anything.

My son's prized possessions are his legos. I kindly announce on saturday morning after 1 hour of cartoons, "I am vaccuuming in exactly one hour. Anything left on the floor of your play room is going to get sucked up if it isn't cleaned up." If it isn't totally cleaned up, I start vaccuuming in another room. I have never seen him work so fast in my life. No yelling, just progress.

Your behavior determines their behavior. If you pick it up, they will continue to drop it wherever. If you have teenage kids, after a few friends in school saying, "dude your clothes smell" I'm sure they'll get the idea quickly. Then I'm sure they'd be more open-minded about learning to use the machine. Also, remember that you are training your sons to be husbands someday.

 

[CheekyMare]

Quote:
QFT

 

[off-grid hen]

Quote:
What does that mean? A little search on urbandictionary.com tells me "Quoted For Truth". Thanks. I wasn't sure if I was being insulted or not.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

When I was a lazy teen that didn't want to pick up after myself or do my laundry, my parents calmly informed me that anything that they have to pick up gets thrown out. I instantly became a neat freak because I had no doubt in my mind that they would have followed through with their threat.
So if you have to make a threat like that, make sure you follow through when the time comes. If you lie to them even once about your new rules, they will remember and lose even more respect for you and then you might as well just call that TV show, Hoarders

Kids can't stand a parent that lies to them. If you threaten to throw out your 11 year olds cleats if he tracks them through the house one more time, then you better be sure you can throw them out because he will test you and he will watch your reaction and what you do about it.
On a side note, I agree with all the previous posts. We have some great parents here at BYC

 

[CheekyMare]

Quote:
What does that mean? A little search on urbandictionary.com tells me "Quoted For Truth". Thanks. I wasn't sure if I was being insulted or not.

Not insulted. It can also stand for Quest For Tacos, but means the same thing.