I might just be complaining, but... (rant) *Update*

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Razadia, Apr 29, 2011.

  1. Razadia

    Razadia The Odd One

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    Montgomery, Alabama
    Honestly, my parents are getting on my nerves. I hate having to rely on them and they know it. They complain about me not having a job or a way to get to one. So why in the world are they trying their hardest to keep me from getting a job? They act like I want to sit around the house all day. I don't, I really don't. If I think might have found a place that will hire me they tell me that it's either too far or I don't have the kind of experience they need. [​IMG] I can't start on my second coop until I have the money to get the stuff to build. I can't get the breeds I want because I'm broke. I can't get an incubator and hatching eggs because I'm broke. The incubator a friend gave me dad threw away because the storm soaked it. What the Heck is going on here? [​IMG] What did I do to make them do this to me?

    My brother works all day, so he can't help me. My sil doesn't have a car, so she can't help me. I never really leave the house. I don't really have friends to hang out with that would help me. I just don't know what to do. I've pointed it out to my parents that they are the only thing standing in my way. Mom just laughs at me like I'm a small child throwing a tantrum. Yet everyone wants to complain that I don't have a job. This whole thing is stressing me out horribly. I just don't know what to do. [​IMG]


    Sorry, I'm just looking for advise and y'all are always so awesome when it comes to giving advise.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2011
  2. schellie69

    schellie69 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oct 8, 2009
    Kansas
    Quote:Sometimes letting go is hard on us parents also. I really don't know what I can say to make things better but here is what I know things do change and do get better. I would sit down and calmly discuss this with them do not yell or shout just calmly find out why they seem to want you to work but yet tell you that this job is wrong or whatever it is they are doing. The only way to get a job is look. I know a bunch of places take apps on line now try that if you get a interview things might change. Hope things work out for you. [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  3. GiddyMoon

    GiddyMoon Chillin' With My Peeps

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    We just went thru this exact same thing with our 19 year old daughter. Do you want me to be honest?
     
  4. welsummerchicks

    welsummerchicks Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jul 26, 2010
    I think you are feeling sorry for yourself.

    You can take a bus or carpool/ride share to get to a job. You can find someone who works someplace, get them to recommend you for a job, and get a ride with them to work (give them some of your pay for gasoline). I rode my bike to my first job - 13 miles each way. Where there's a will there's a way. Some jobs even allow you to work from home. No transportation at all. Sometimes you just have to go in to pick up your work and turn in what you completed.

    There are websites all over for people looking for rides, that's not a big deal.

    Additionally, a good many people run home businesses. You can very often find a job just by being friendly and chatting with people at the local bodega or discussing it with your friends, they mention it to someone else, etc.

    You can simply work locally too. You can clean houses, do laundry, cut lawns, rake leaves, walk dogs, shovel snow, even chicken sit. A lot of people have chickens now.

    When I was your age, I was not required to have a job, but if I wanted to have any money of my own, I had to get a job. If I wanted to drive the family car, I had to pay for the increase on the car insurance, as well as the gas and part of the upkeep for the car.

    We did not get an allowance, nor did we get paid for doing chores around our family's home. That was part of our responsibility as family members. It was not something we got paid for, just as our mom did not get paid for preparing our food or my dad for making repairs or building cabinets and shelves. That was made extremely clear to us from a very early age. Extremely.

    If we did not go to college at 18, we had to start paying rent. We were provided with four years of college, all expenses paid, if we maintained at least a B average. If we flunked out or quit college, during that four year period, that was the end of the educational freebie. We had to get a job immediately and start paying rent and for our expenses.

    If we came back home after we got out of college, we were given six months of living at the house without paying rent or for the use of the car, if it was used for job hunting. After that time, then we had to start paying rent.

    I am told that the arrangement I had, is not at all unusual today. If you are living at home under a LESS restrictive agreement, you are lucky, but I am not sure that any less restrictive arrangement really encourages independence. Something I think you sorely need.

    I picked strawberries, weeded, did landscaping, mowed lawns, shoveled snow, worked preparing food at a caterers, cleaned stalls in stables and groomed and execised horses, but my favorite job was respite care for handicapped children, and I made a fair amount of money doing it, too. My brother made more. He worked in a restaurant weekends.

    A young friend of mine got a super job - checking up on people's elderly relatives. She had a regular route, and all she had to do was stop in and check that the stove was off, water wasn't running, mom was ok. She'd sit and chat with them for a little while, warm up their lunch, and go to the next house. She had a route in the neighborhood. She got 10 bucks an hour, too, plus tips.

    Another gal I know walked dogs. People who work all day need someone to take their dogs out and walk them. One lady I know started a lawn mowing business when she was 16. She still does it - she's 45. Makes a heck of a lot of money. People work for her, she has I think 6 trucks that go out every day. In winter they do snow ploughing.

    There are about 2000 different things you could do. Time to get busy and stop complaining.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2011
  5. chicmom

    chicmom Dances with Chickens

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    You seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place......(If you've ever heard of that phrase). What about doing some chores to earn some cash? Maybe you could mow the lawn or clean house for mom or wash the family car?

    Do you have your driver's licence yet? Maybe once you get that, and start driving, your parent's will let you get a job. I know it is sooo hard, as I was a kid once, and right now, I've got a couple of teenagers at home who are just beginning to drive.

    What about a paper route? Is that something you can do, or how about babysitting?
     
  6. GiddyMoon

    GiddyMoon Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:And I thought I was going to be the brutally honest one. [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  7. GiddyMoon

    GiddyMoon Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Well, I waited for awhile to see if you would come back OP and I have to go..so I am going to post what I wrote for you...good luck with your family [​IMG]


    You seem to be about my daughter's age and I can remember being in my late teens and yearning to fly the coop..what you are feeling is completely normal for a lot of teens or young adults....WE ALL FELT ALONE, AWKWARD, MISUNDERSTOOD & MISTREATED BY OUR PARENTS in some way or another.....


    Your post sounds like something my daughter would have written 6 mths ago..in fact, I have heard what you wrote...so let me give you another view. First of all, I am not that old...I was a teen in the 80s and we had plenty of drugs, plenty of sex, plenty of different groups of types of people...homosexuality was not hidden, missing parents were common...messed up parents were common....I had a lot of REALLY messed up friends. So now that you know I did not grow up in the charmed 50s...


    What you are feeling is nothing new..I promise that. Now..I tend to be brutally honest..but please know I really hope the best for you and I only want to see harmony in your life..so I will spill some of my experiences with myself and my daughter with you. I hope that you will take this to heart..and see if it applies anywhere..if it doesn't..know that I obviously care or I would not spend so much time giving you personal info and put myself out here for strangers to criticize me! [​IMG]



    When my daughter started looking for her first "real" job at 19, she had to hunt for months and many times we had to light a fire under her ....she SAID she wanted a job since she was 15..but would do NOTHING for herself to make that happen even though we did a lot of coaching....she didn't do anything because she just felt so overwhelmed by it. But it is my job to keep that fire lit and it doesn't always feel good.

    She would say she had no money...she loved pets..we encouraged her countless times to flier the area for pet sitting, walking, babysitting, you name it. She would never do it.

    Looking in the paper a couple of times a week, getting online once or twice or making a phone call once in awhile IS NOT JOB HUNTING. Job hunting IS a FULL TIME JOB. So if you are not figuring out what you need to do FOR YOURSELF FULL TIME...this is probably why your parents see you as sitting on the couch.



    If we did not take her to apply for a job, after reminding her to get on the computer or ask to get a newspaper..she would have sat around online playing all day. When we backed off and gave her room like she wanted...she did nothing. When I treated her as an adult..she did nothing and then got mad becuase we were treating her like an adult..with the expectations adults have on them. You don't get one without the other. She DID sit around all day..instead of asking, or walking, or calling, or looking up info...she would just do what she wanted and put things off...and it was ALWAYS someone else's fault. Now, my daughter has severe ADD. This plays a huge part in her motivation, her thinking patterns, her consistency, her organization and her drive. Which means we have to work 3 times as hard as well.

    I was cleaning houses by the age of 12. I home schooled myself and graduated with As and Bs in everything and was paying rent, buying my own clothes, earning all my spending money & paying my own insurance by the time I was 15. By the time I was 19 I worked 2 jobs, 10 hrs a day, being offered asst management in one, and moved myself clear across the united states by myself. I was quite independent and self driven...my daughter..nope..her thought processes were just like her father's; who is on the Autism spectrum. I know my daughter was very frustrated with her ADD and I know this plays a role in everything. This was hard for us to balance. Her step father is just like me...a very self driven person. While our house was usually calm and full of love...my daughter's inability to feel the drive she needed for just ANY job...not necessarily one she would enjoy...was very hard on us and got in the way of her getting a job. Heck, put up flyers to walk peoples' dogs if you have to...babysitting, etc..nope..she would complain she had no money..but wouldn't do anything to change the fact she had no money.

    Your parents telling you something is too far or you don't have the experience for...very familiar..... We also had this problem. My daughter thought it would be great to be a cake decorator..yet she refused to take the classes needed to qualify past the 1st course. She then thought it would be "great" to work at a certain ice cream shop...ten miles away in heavy traffic...then she also refused to ride a bus or a bike & just thought any hours to get her there would be completely convenient for us.. She then thought it would be cool to work at the Hard Rock cafe as a waitress....with no experience..which they won't hire people that way.

    Sometimes honesty hurts.

    Being honest with your kids HURTS us too but it IS in their best interest. She finally did get a job at a local ice cream place and we changed our lives and used our gas money and time to get her back and forth...that lasted 4 mths before she was "sick" of things at work...and angry she had to give us a lousy $25 a month for rent food and gas. Why did I charge her? BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY RIGHT.

    We gave her 3 mths, no charge..after that we knew she had to learn that not all of her paycheck was for fun while we are barely making it each month.


    She ended up moving out of state to live with a boyfriend thinking love would solve all her problems and that exploded in her face something severe...after 1 mth of realizing how right we were all along.....all of a sudden home was so wonderful and she missed it so much and she realized all we had been doing for her that she refused to see before. She is now working fast food and takes the bus.

    She went mths again with no job....She swore she would never work fast food..well guess what? Carl's Jr was the only place to hire her.

    Quite a humbling experience.


    I would really ask yourself if what your parents are doing is really that mean or bad..and then I would look internally to see where you might be feeling insecure about jobs..or stuck, where you play a part, etc that may make you view things the way you see them.


    If you feel your parents are standing in your way instead of providing a roof over your head and food in your belly...by all means, move out. I know...you "can't"...well, then I would be very grateful they are so willing to continue caring for your basic needs.

    Emotions often lie to us..I have no doubt your parents love you very much..and IT IS HARD being a parent of kids in these times. VERY VERY hard. It honestly sounds like your parents are doing what they should be doing...growing up and leaving the nest is really difficult on everyone...I wish you the best...hugs.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2011
  8. Mattemma

    Mattemma Overrun With Chickens

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    Anything you can walk too? Before I was able to get a car I would walk to a nursing home from HS and then walk home. I stated at 16.Was a lot of miles,but it was good exercise. Another job(after HS) I had in a factory a few miles from my home and that was a 5am to 2pm shift.It was the pits though getting up that early(and I disliked the job),but I did it for a while. Sometimes I gave gas money and a co-worker who lived near by would drop me off on the days we worked together. A bike or scooter is an option. Living with a friend near places you can work is an option.

    Offer to do inside/outside work for neighbors. I have a friend who gets paid to cook and clean for a neighbors elderly mom.

    I didn't get my first car until I was 21-22. I worked weekends at a nursing home as an aide,and weeknights at one of the college cafeteria's while I attended Kent State. Don't know how I did it.Makes me tired just thinking about it. Be creative and remember every penny counts. In a few years you will be able to be on your own if you focus and save now.

    If you have the patience to learn and do a job well most places will give you a chance.
     
  9. benjoycei

    benjoycei Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 4, 2011
    Wilmington
    Ask your parents to give you some kind of job to do around the house to make money..mow the grass...wash the car
     
  10. Spookwriter

    Spookwriter Overrun With Chickens Premium Member

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    Feb 23, 2010
    Ohio
    At some point, it all comes down to you. You have to want it.
    You have to want it bad enough to go get it.

    I went to work on the neighbors farms when I was 11-12 years
    old. Worked in the fields, worked in the gardens, mowed their grass.

    Rode my bike...as soon as I saved enough money to buy the bike. Bought
    a brand new 10-speed...green. Rode it for years. First real thing I remember
    buying myself.

    Did a few chores around our house. It was just my job. Wasn't paid for those,
    other than what it taught me. Those were our calfs, hogs were raising. Better
    care we took of them, better money they brought. Dad bought them, we raised
    them, they were ours. Some to the freezer, some to the market. My brothers and
    I split the market money.

    One of my early "real" jobs was painting the lines in a parking lot for a restaurant.
    That turned into my brother and I mowing their grass, cleaning the windows. And in
    time, both my brother and I went to work there, inside jobs, just like real people.

    So us boys worked.

    We worked at jobs we found, and we were also expected to do our share at home
    at the same time.

    It wasn't about the money. My parents had money. It was about what we were
    learning.

    Even as we worked, we were first expected to do our school work. And actually EXCEL
    at it. Anything less than a "B" grade, we would hear it about it from mom. Different time,
    different place, neither one of my parents graduated from high school. I'm not saying
    they aren't smart...they are. They just wanted more for their children.

    They taught us to work for the things we want. And to dream...and to reach for that
    dream. They couldn't reach for that dream for us...they could only hold us up, as we
    each one reached for our own dream.

    Just as it's up to you to reach for your own dreams...
     

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