I hope you don't mind if I chime in here too. And, I promise not to bash you
My son is one of those think-tank type of people. He is, seriously, a genius. He has absolutely no practical experience. He is very book smart, with no common sense. He is one of the most irritating people to be around that you could possibly imagine because he is constantly correcting you. He is almost impossible to hold a conversation with. He had a tremendous opportunity a few years ago in middle college high school. He went, and failed his college courses. If he had done well, he would have had a full ride scholarship to almost any college he wanted to attend. He could have passed those courses with his hands tied behind his back. I tried to talk to him about it on multiple occasions. He told me that I was putting too much pressure on him and that I was keeping him depressed.
Okay, so what just happened there? Have you ever noticed that when someone is in the hot seat, they spread the blame around a little bit to get the focus off of theirself? This wasn't my life we were discussing, but his, yet I am in the wrong. Okay. Whatever.
He went for his second and final semester of middle college high school. I had to pay back the tuition grant from his first semester. 1400.00. I paid it the first time because he still had a chance to get his scholarship to anywhere, and it had to be paid so he could get his high school diploma. I love my son, very much, and want what's best for him. I try to provide for his every need, even if that need is a very difficult life lesson. I paid it, and I told him that I wouldn't do it again. He failed, again.
Okay, so, if he pays back the tuition, he can get his high school diploma. Everyone knows how hard it is to get a job without that. No. I will not pay it. It is 1700.00 this time. He did not walk with his class. He does not have his diploma. He lost his job. He was laying around on my couch. Come to find out, in his case, it was drugs, and his friends that were the root of the problem He made wrong choices, put more emphasis on his toxic friendships and his drugs than he did on himself. Now, he has been out of work for months. Where are his friends? He can't buy them drugs anymore, so POOF, they are gone. He went out this past weekend, with a new friend he has made, for the first time since about December. He lost his source of income in December.
When he was working, and going to middle college, I ended up having to drive him all the time. He had a truck, that I had bought and he was supposed to pay for, that he could never keep full of gas. I thought, and he let me believe it was gas mileage. It was not, it was his mismanagement of his money (drugs). I was constantly having to pay his insurance. I was leaving for work, dropping him off, leaving work to pick him up and take him to work, going back to my own work, and having to leave early to get him where he needed to be. Not only was gas high, and I was using mine, but I was missing precious hours out of my pay check.
I will not enable my son. Does that sound bad? I don't really care. Let me tell you how it is in my house. I don't do drugs, have never even tried them. I don't believe it is an okay thing to do. I don't want them in my house. I will not, as long as he is using, or has the desire to use, enable him to do so by freeing up his money that he earns to spend it on drugs. He filed his income tax return, got about 900 back, bought a car. He now is working with a lady who cleans out and renovates apartment buildings. It is spotty work, but he has a little money coming in. One of the first things he did after he got paid the first time was call up one of his "friends" to go party. Yep. Hasn't learned a thing. He is still, currently, living in my home. He as been told that he will no longer get free room and board. While he was in middle college, he told everyone who would listen that he had to choose between food and gas money. I don't pay for myself to go out and eat every single day of my life. I will not pay for him to do it either. Quite honestly, I cannot. He had options he could take, but didn't want to. There is always food in this house.
I work a full time job. I come home from work, every day, to find my house in worse shape than it was when I left, only to find him sprawled out on the couch watching television. My husband wants him gone. At this point, I am not ready to do that. He has nowhere to go.
Okay, so I don't know you. I don't know your situation, and I bet you are wondering why I am telling you all of this stuff that doesn't seem to apply to you at all. Here is the reason. Action speaks volumes. Words, not so much. The spoken word can so easily be a lie. When I listen to someone, I observe them to know the truth. My son has been telling me for months that he wants a job. He hasn't looked. I have gone out of my way to offer to take him to pick up applications, and forced him to go with me one day. There were some places we stopped at that he didn't even get out of the car. He talks about how bad he wants to work, how much he needs a job, how none of his dreams can come true without one. I came home one day, went to the history on my computer to find something that I had found the day before. He had been telling me that he was searching online for a job every day. All that was on my history on my computer was dirty movies and how to make drugs at home to get high. Action. Every word that he speaks is a lie. His action, or in this case, lack of action, speaks much more forcefully than his words do.
I urge you, examine yourself. Dig deep, and if you are guilty of some of the same as my son, fess up. Your parents, if they are anything like me, are waiting with bated breath for you to have a desire to change your life and to, sincerely, ask for their help. But before you ask, take some steps to get your butt in gear and help yourself. I promised not to bash you, and I don't feel like I have. I am just urging you to truly take a look at what they have been saying and doing, and see if there is any ring of truth at all to their statements. Self-examination is one of the most painful things a person can do, but in the long run, the harsher judge you are when you do, the bigger and better changes you make for yourself. Good luck to you. It is my sincere hope that you find a way to make your dreams come true!
) and you could maybe get a couple of side jobs with them! An add on craigs list isnt a bad idea either although the transportation thing makes it hard. Seems to me in your area after the storms there would/will be lots of people wanting help with all kinds of stuff? clearing, cleaning, repainting etc? just a thought.
