I need advice big time!!!

[ninny]

My good friends opened up and store and I became their babysitter. I now have my two girls(2yrs and 3months old) and their 3 kids 2, 4 and 8. They home school which means I have the 8yr old all day as well. We are homeschooling our girls as well. So I have a 8yr and three preschool home school kids plus my baby. Their mom is due in February and I will get the baby by summer. I also do their laundry at the moment because their washer broke.
Their mom sends lunch with them and I have been getting some free stuff at their shop. It's a upscale second hand store.
Here's my problem I have yet to be paid and I've had them since October. We have been waiting on the state paperwork stuff. But they are needing a sitter mon-sat. I am not doing Saturdays and I only want them Monday through Thursday. But they havn't found anyone else to do it. I don't have them Saturdays. Their dad is trying to tell me how to watch his kids. We have been fighting nasty basement smell for a while and their dad doesn't like it. So I'm suppose to change the kids clothes before he picks them up. That really ticked off my husband. So I only did it once. Now they are sending them in their pjs with day clothes in a bag. I can't keep up on my house and they are trashing it. I really want to start a small craft busniess but it's just not happening now. Also they are not sending any homework for the older one. Just telling me to work on her times tables. Plus I'm potty training their youngest. I'm also annoyed because I don't like the way their mom did the paperwork. My husband is freaking out about any paperwork with the state. But it's either I watch them or they hang out at the store all day in a back room. They do not want to send them to even the small church run schools in town which means I'm now bascilly rasing their kids during the week.
I'm tried and I don't know what to do. I'm feeling really overwhelmed.

 

[ninny]

I should add that I have been taking all their pets in too. Their dog moved in with us until I found her a new home. I now have their duck and they brought some fish over today. Now their are going to be eaten by my mine but I still got to deal with the oldest with why she can't have her pets anymore. I just want them to go home some days.

 

[sourland]

You've been a good friend, and it seems as if they have been taking advantage of you. Perhaps they don't want to 'use' the church run programs because they require money up front? I would give them two weeks notice and tell them that after 12/14 you will no longerbe able to care for their children. Realize that in doing so you may never get paid - count it as a 'lesson learned'.

 

[BusyBlonde]

No one can take advantage of you without your permission - so tell them that you can no longer care for their children and their pets. It takes some nerve to dump your kids and pets on someone that you are not paying and then try to dictate how they're watching them! Regardless of your agreement, if you haven't been paid and you started watching them in October, you're doing it for free. It's doubtful you're going to get any money. They're inhibiting YOUR ability to earn money from the craft business you want to set up, and are taking time away from your family and your home.

Don't get guilted into continuing to be taken advantage of. Their children are THEIR responsibility, not yours. If they are upset that you no longer wish to watch their children, that's their problem. You stated that you do NOT want the kids with you five or six days a week, but they really have no reason to look for another caregiver as long as you're giving in and watching them five days a week. I don't know what the deal is with the paperwork for the state, but if they did something that could be illegal and you know about it, you may be jointly responsible for the ramifications if they get caught. If you don't watch the kids, and they have to hang out in the back room at the shop, it's not your problem. You may not like it, but it really isn't your issue.

It doesn't sound like they are very good friends, to be treating you this way. Would you be better off without them, and the stress they're bringing to your life, your home, and your marriage? Only you can answer that. If things continue the way they are going, will you consider to call them friends? Look at the amount of frustration you already are feeling. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[bruceha2000]

Channing: What BusyBlonde said times 4. Her first line is straight out of the Annie's Mailbox advice column.

MY opinion: These people are NOT your good friends, they aren't even friends. Who would dump 3 kids on someone and expect them to baby sit and home school? Proper home schooling is HARD WORK. My wife did it with our older daughter for both 7th and 8th grade so I'm not just guessing or passing on hearsay. You don't have lesson plans for an 8 Y/O and you aren't REALLY home schooling your kids yet. "Teaching" 2 and 4 year old kids is NOT home schooling. It is "raising children". And you are already 110% consumed with your 2 kids and house (been there, done that).

My blunt opinion is you will NEVER get paid a dime, they will claim (and probably accurately) that they aren't making much money at their new business. MOST new businesses fail within a year. If they put together their business plan (they probably don't have one) the same way they figured out how to deal with the 3 kids (and one on the way, geez) my bet is they are 100% going to be in the "failed first year" group.

If they want their child to be home schooled, THEY need to do it. That is what being home schooled means. The 8 year old should be at the store doing his/her assignments as set up ahead of time by the parents with them nearby to help. If the only thing they want you to do is times tables they are NOT EVEN CLOSE to meeting state (ANY state) standards for home schooling because they aren't spending enough time with the kid to do so. By the way, if s/he is 8, then probably in third grade, s/he should be working on division by now.

Take this as a compliment: You are too kind hearted. You need to tell them that you CAN NOT continue to take their children. If you are willing to take the younger two Mon - Thurs, tell them EXACTLY what the parameters are, drop off and pick up times. Tell them that if you are not paid on Thursday, the door WILL NOT open Monday. Tell them to leave their pets at home, bring the kids dressed and if there is some environmental issue in the basement, they are welcome to pay to remedy it. (My guess is mold). To channel the Annies: "AND MEAN IT". You need to run this BUSINESS as a BUSINESS. You aren't just hosting a play date or watching a friend's kid for an hour while they do an errand every week or two. Limit the kids to specific areas of the house that you do not need to keep organized. Shy of tying them to chairs, I don't think it is possible to keep the places they spend their day in organized in any fashion. If you are OCD tidy, don't even think about offering anything other than closing the door behind them when they next leave your home.

Yeah, I am being harsh, it is called "tough love"

These people will take advantage of you as long as you allow it. And when you toss them, they will find someone else to take advantage of.

Best of luck to you ... AND their children.

Bruce

 

[1muttsfan]

Yep to all the above. You have your family to think of first.

 

[sonew123]

Wow....you have been getting seriously stepped on;( I completely aggree with Sourland and give them notice 100% no ifs ands or buts...You are getting use hard core!!! Im so sorry that is not frindship

 

[3goodeggs]

I home schooled, and in my county ONLY the parent can be the home instructor.
Grandma can not. neighbor can not, and another homeschooling parent can not. Nor can the Baby sitter be it either.
You offered an inch and she took a mile. Oh,,,though maybe she should have someone else teach her kids measurements.

I am sorry you are in such an uncomfortable position, but if you do not get out of it right now, it will only get worse.

 

[ninny]

I home schooled, and in my county ONLY the parent can be the home instructor.
Grandma can not. neighbor can not, and another homeschooling parent can not. Nor can the Baby sitter be it either.
You offered an inch and she took a mile. Oh,,,though maybe she should have someone else teach her kids measurements.

I am sorry you are in such an uncomfortable position, but if you do not get out of it right now, it will only get worse.

We live in Iowa now. You can home school up to four kids that are not your own. I get what everyone is saying. I originally said I'd watch the youngest for a playmate for my daughter and it kind of snowballed on me. I just have the younger two tomorrow. They are keep the oldest at the store for homework she fights me with it. I'll see how that goes. My daughter told me today she just wants them over every few days instead of everyday. So I need to talk with them. Just well yeah.

 

[bruceha2000]

I'll see how that goes. My daughter told me today she just wants them over every few days instead of everyday. So I need to talk with them. Just well yeah.

Yep. It will NOT be easy but you REALLY need to protect your home life. Your 2 y/o has already drawn a line and I suspect she was generous. You need to listen to her or HER behavior will go south.
SHE needs as much of your attention as she can get. It is hard enough to share with a new sibling let alone others who swoop in and need attention as well.

Bruce