I need advice (egg and person related)- Long Read

[Brahmas Beauty Homestead]

I didn’t really know what to title this but I need some advice. I’m going to try not to give my age away but…..

Me and my boyfriend are the owners of our chickens. However we live separately with our parents. We got chickens and where i lived, we were not allowed to have any sort of “farm” animal and his town allows it. So we built the coop at his house…. me and him take care of the chickens, we built the coop with our own money. We pay for their feed. We pay for everything, without any assistance from other people unless my parents buy a bag of mealworms or something (that’s once in a blue moon).

However, my mom has offered to give us money for a bag of food. My parents have offered to help pay for the coop build (we declined) His mom has never offered anything, not food, not shavings, not money to build the coop, absolutely nothing. But she’s so greedy with the eggs.

For Instance, the first ever coop we built and the chickens just started laying eggs, she would help herself to the fresh eggs and not tell me or my boyfriend. This went on for quite a while. We had a chicken that was unfortunately egg bound (she passed away bc we caught it too late) and the reason we caught it too late was because she would take the eggs everyday. I got fed up and my boyfriend had to tell her multiple times to not take them.

We had a situation where when the chickens first started laying (ofc the eggs were small) she would complain that she needed to use more eggs because of the size.

Unlike my mom saying “hey if you guys have any extra eggs i’ll take a carton” his mom will say “i need eggs this week”.

As of now, we have 5 laying hens. So we fill a carton every 2-3 days. Which I am not complaining about. But it seems like she’s just so greedy with them and it kind of gets on my nerves, especially when she does nothing for us. Never offers anything.

And i want to start selling the eggs to make some money that will go to the chickens.

Am i being like crazy or what??

Hi good morning, sounds frustrating for sure. Your not being crazy this is completely not right of her to take your eggs especially after her son asked her not to. It’s a hard one because you are using her property for your coop and girls and she might feel since the set up is on her property she has full range. I would have your boyfriend or both of you to have a conversation with her and say something like after this week our plan to self sustain is to sell our chicken eggs and use the money toward the feed cost , shavings and to slowly build your emergency bag ( getting things so it’s not all at once) . And other things needed to raise them. We are going to charge 5.00 a dozen so if you will please not get our eggs unless you want to pay for them to help us toward our goal of making money on our eggs to help support our flock we would appreciate that . We have a lot of money spent to get this far and now we have a way to reward our hard work by selling our eggs.
……. So having a conversation about your goal and what you really are aiming for gives her a clear picture of your reasons why she cant just go grab a egg when she feels like it. You have to tell someone bluntly sometimes or you have to tell them your plan or they won’t know and just continue to do as they don’t see it your way .

 

[sourland]

As long as the chickens are on her property, it's a tough situation. I agree that her behavior is self serving, but would be careful of getting between her and her son.

 

[CKfarm22]

Hi good morning, sounds frustrating for sure. Your not being crazy this is completely not right of her to take your eggs especially after her son asked her not to. It’s a hard one because you are using her property for your coop and girls and she might feel since the set up is on her property she has full range. I would have your boyfriend or both of you to have a conversation with her and say something like after this week our plan to self sustain is to sell our chicken eggs and use the money toward the feed cost , shavings and to slowly build your emergency bag ( getting things so it’s not all at once) . And other things needed to raise them. We are going to charge 5.00 a dozen so if you will please not get our eggs unless you want to pay for them to help us toward our goal of making money on our eggs to help support our flock we would appreciate that . We have a lot of money spent to get this far and now we have a way to reward our hard work by selling our eggs.
……. So having a conversation about your goal and what you really are aiming for gives her a clear picture of your reasons why she cant just go grab an egg when she feels like it. You have to tell someone bluntly sometimes or you have to tell them your plan or they won’t know and just continue to do as they don’t see it your way .

Thank you! This actually helped a lot with an example of what to say. Because i couldn’t really find a right way to tell her.

 

[CKfarm22]

As long as the chickens are on her property, it's a tough situation. I agree that her behavior is self serving, but would be careful of getting between her and her son.

Oh no i know, but that’s not me just saying that lol. I know him well enough that he would 100% say that to her lol. I would never get between them, but she needs to learn boundaries.

And that’s why i’m stuck with what to do because they are on her property. And i don’t want to seem like a (b word) about it…. but it’s just very annoying to me.

And this isn’t the *only* problem we’ve had. Before the chicken coop became the chicken coop it was a house for a rescued pregnant cat, that ended up having her kittens in it LOL. And she didn’t know boundaries with that either…. to the point i put a lock on the door.

 

[BigBlueHen53]

The x amount of eggs cover use of the land has already passed… a long long time ago lol.
But like I said, yes she pays the taxes, but my boyfriend maintains the land so that argument wouldn’t really stand because he would fight it. He mows, cleans up the leaves, maintains the bushes, and maintains the outside of the house. He’s fight that to the core if she ever said “this is my land”

Here's my thinking. This is all very clear in your mind, how those boundaries have been crossed and all, but ... has any of this actually been openly discussed with her? Does she know, very clearly, that these boundaries even exist, other than in your mind? See, if you have not sat down with her and said, Look, we feel that you are taking advantage here, we think you are taking way more than your share of OUR eggs.. she might be completely shocked to realize you even think such a thing. These "boundaries" can't just be in your own head, in your mind, they have to be clearly stated and agreed to. Probably even put in writing. So have a sit-down, an open discussion and say, Look, can we talk? We need some teansparency here. This is what WE think is fair. What do YOU think is fair? And work out some kind of compromise, an understanding, an agreement, that works for everybody. Don't just assume that she knows what you want if you have not told her. Resentment is building up because there has been no communication. So ...
Communicate-
Negotiate-
Celebrate!

And good luck!

 

[CKfarm22]

Here's my thinking. This is all very clear in your mind, how those boundaries have been crossed and all, but ... has any of this actually been openly discussed with her? Does she know, very clearly, that these boundaries even exist, other than in your mind? See, if you have not sat down with her and said, Look, we feel that you are taking advantage here, we think you are taking way more than your share of OUR eggs.. she might be completely shocked to realize you even think such a thing. These "boundaries" can't just be in your own head, in your mind, they have to be clearly stated and agreed to. Probably even put in writing. So have a sit-down, an open discussion and say, Look, can we talk? We need some teansparency here. This is what WE think is fair. What do YOU think is fair? And work out some kind of compromise, an understanding, an agreement, that works for everybody. Don't just assume that she knows what you want if you have not told her. Resentment is building up because there has been no communication. So ...
Communicate-
Negotiate-
Celebrate!

And good luck!

I agree with you and that was kind of the whole reason behind this thread… it get some advice on how i could possibly make theses boundaries with her.

I’m not one to stick up for myself. For others I will but not for myself. I tell my boyfriend what’s wrong and how i think it could be solved. For instance, I said we need to start rotating between giving eggs to her and giving eggs to my mom and he agreed. So for instance, if she gets a carton the next carton goes to my mom and so forth.

I just need to think of a way that this could be resolved, or at least make the situation a little bit better….

 

[BigBlueHen53]

You just need to communicate. Is it that hard for you and your bf to talk to her?

 

[CKfarm22]

You just need to communicate. Is it that hard for you and your bf to talk to her?

For my boyfriend it’s not, he will tell her straight up. For me it is, and not because it’s his mom, I’ve always had a problem communicating with people face to face, And i don’t want to come off rude you know?

But I also don’t think my boyfriend sees it like I do about the fact that she doesn’t offer anything. We don’t have a problem paying for things like food and what not because they are our chickens but it would be nice to be shown that if we ever needed help she’d be there…

I also don’t have a relationship with her like my boyfriend does with my parents… and i don’t really know why that is to be honest. I guess i could say my parents are more welcoming than his parents are, if that makes sense.

And I think with this whole situation is that either 1. if i give anyone a carton of eggs (his mom or my mom) the empty carton has to come back first and I will fill it gradually. Or 2. there will be no “extra eggs” if you want or need eggs you have to let me know in advanced. 3. if there comes a time when we aren’t getting as many eggs (winter mostly) I am going to continue doing the switch off (if his mom gets a carton, the next carton will go to my mom and so forth)

 

[getaclue]

In your previous post, you mention that she doesn't offer anything. That's not true. She's offering her land for you to use.

Most of the problem, as I see it, is that you need to sit down, and do the math, so it's clear in your own mind about your expectations. You have 5 hens. When laying is optimal, you would still only get 35 eggs. It takes 36 for 3 cartons of eggs. Giving her, and your own mom each a dozen eggs per week, only leaves you 11 eggs. That's not nearly enough to go into the egg business, with a steady customer or two, and chickens don't always lay at optimum. They're not vending machines. Now that you see the dilemma by the numbers, you still have options.

You can get 2 more hens, which would produce an extra 14 eggs per week. That would give you 4 dozen a week, covering your BF's mother's need for a dozen a week. You would have 3 dozen left, meaning you could give your mother a dozen a week, and still have 2 dozen a week to sell. The weeks that your mother doesn't want a dozen eggs, that dozen can be sold too, giving you 3 dozen to sell on those weeks. Of course, this depends on whether your set up would easily allow for 2 more chickens, without overcrowding.

OR you can keep your flock the same size, and limit your BF's mother to 11 eggs a week, so you can sell the other 2 dozen, and only sell one dozen on the weeks that your own mother needs eggs.

Would it be worth it to get the 2 extra chickens, if it's do-able? Considering a carton of eggs at $7.00 a dozen weekly, for a month, that's $28.00 a month for the months that don't have 5 weeks. That's not exactly overcharging for the use of her land. If adding 2 more chickens is not feasible, then she's going to have to limit her egg use to 11 a week.

When you, and BF decide how you'd like to proceed, both of you go talk to his mom. Sit down with her, and do the math. It could easily be that all she sees is a whole lot of eggs. Maybe she's never counted a week's worth, or tried dividing that number into a dozen to fully appreciate the situation. Maybe no one has mentioned the idea of selling any of the eggs to defray the cost of keeping them, so she doesn't know she's interfering with your plans. Lack of communication leads to more confusion, and hurt feelings, than honesty.

 

[CKfarm22]

In your previous post, you mention that she doesn't offer anything. That's not true. She's offering her land for you to use.

Most of the problem, as I see it, is that you need to sit down, and do the math, so it's clear in your own mind about your expectations. You have 5 hens. When laying is optimal, you would still only get 35 eggs. It takes 36 for 3 cartons of eggs. Giving her, and your own mom each a dozen eggs per week, only leaves you 11 eggs. That's not nearly enough to go into the egg business, with a steady customer or two, and chickens don't always lay at optimum. They're not vending machines. Now that you see the dilemma by the numbers, you still have options.

You can get 2 more hens, which would produce an extra 14 eggs per week. That would give you 4 dozen a week, covering your BF's mother's need for a dozen a week. You would have 3 dozen left, meaning you could give your mother a dozen a week, and still have 2 dozen a week to sell. The weeks that your mother doesn't want a dozen eggs, that dozen can be sold too, giving you 3 dozen to sell on those weeks. Of course, this depends on whether your set up would easily allow for 2 more chickens, without overcrowding.

OR you can keep your flock the same size, and limit your BF's mother to 11 eggs a week, so you can sell the other 2 dozen, and only sell one dozen on the weeks that your own mother needs eggs.

Would it be worth it to get the 2 extra chickens, if it's do-able? Considering a carton of eggs at $7.00 a dozen weekly, for a month, that's $28.00 a month for the months that don't have 5 weeks. That's not exactly overcharging for the use of her land. If adding 2 more chickens is not feasible, then she's going to have to limit her egg use to 11 a week.

When you, and BF decide how you'd like to proceed, both of you go talk to his mom. Sit down with her, and do the math. It could easily be that all she sees is a whole lot of eggs. Maybe she's never counted a week's worth, or tried dividing that number into a dozen to fully appreciate the situation. Maybe no one has mentioned the idea of selling any of the eggs to defray the cost of keeping them, so she doesn't know she's interfering with your plans. Lack of communication leads to more confusion, and hurt feelings, than honesty.

I get what you’re saying. But, like i said, yes she pays for the land, but my boyfriend takes care of it. So if it came down to her saying something about the land, he’d fight her on it because he maintains it.

They own 1 acre of land, that’s
43,560sqft. The coop and run together is 144sqft. That makes her having 43,416 sqft of anything she wants to do with her property.

It’s not so much that i care giving her eggs, I really don’t mind i just wish she would be a little nicer about it and possibly offer something for them (other then the land).

We get a full carton every 2-3 days. So in a week we have 2 cartons. My boyfriend agrees that we should sell them because we always seem to have an abundance and multiple cartons, so if it’s extra money for us for the chickens then it’s a bonus.

This whole thread wasn’t really about land space, but i see your point that yes we are using the land, but it’s not just me, myself using the land, my boyfriend lives there, so it’s also his property.

I really just wanted to know if i was over reacting with this bothering me, that’s all.

Put yourself in my position, where one person offers stuff for the chickens that aren’t on their land and kindly asks for eggs, and one person that doesn’t offer anything except land (that’s not a problem) and rudely asks for eggs. And think about the fact they were basically stealing eggs even though they’re on their property, but do nothing to feed them, etc.

Say you put a coop on someone’s land and the conditions where “i will pay you back with eggs but only when we have a carton that i can hand to you” Would you be okay with them helping themselves to fresh eggs in the nesting box without telling you?

And think about how she doesn’t know what boundaries are even if we tell her the same thing over and over again.