I Need Seasoned Peoples Advice!!!

[hollymh]

Quote:
I could go to school and have another I suppose, might be difficult but I'm already taking night classes and managing one... I don't know I'm just up in the air about the whole thing!

 

[SunAngel]

Another thought to consider is the age of your daughter. Do you want to have 5-7 years or more between your first child and your second? That is a large gap and they will not be as close. My first 2 kids were 15 months apart and then the 3rd is 7 yrs after the second. He is often left out of most stuff, can't do what the others do and having him at age 30 was a lot harder on me physically than the first two were.

If you had another one now and cut back on your class load or looked into some online courses while you are home with the baby, then you could pick up classes full time when you are ready. It would be a bit tougher, but I am sure others have done college and raised a family at the same time. Just all depends on how badly you want both. College does not always guarantee money and jobs. It ups the odds, yes, but not all college graduates end up in a career they went to school for.

 

[georgialee]

Since you're still so young I would just wait to have another child. You could make it your goal to have your second child by 30 or something like that - that way you won't be too 'old' but you'll have your life in order and feel like you're ready to have a second. I'm sure you know this, but it usually never feels like the 'right' time to have a baby.. there's always going to be something that makes you want to wait. Good for you for getting your doctorate!!! That's awesome!

 

[Ridgerunner]

I saw the posts about the difference in your children's age should you wait. Don't sweat that part. Our oldest is 7 years older than the second. The second is 2-1/2 years older than the third. The oldest gets along better with the younger two than they get along with each other. All are now adult and all three are boys. Others have had different experiences. That part just depends on their personalities so I'd recommend not using the potential age difference as a strong criteria. You never know how that will work out.

I'm a strong believer in education so I'd say shoot for the education. You mentioned wanting to give something back and being the first in your family to have a college education. Think of the role model you become to siblings, cousins, nephews, and nieces if you complete your education versus if you quit. I know that is playing unfair but life is not fair. That said, you ultimately need to make yourself happy. You really can't control anyone else.

 

[klf73]

Sunangel said what I was getting to. My oldest daughter is 7 yrs older than her sister and she can't stand to have her around....
luckily my younger one has a brother that is 2 yrs older than her and likes her.....
I, again personally, would have a baby now and still take classes, it may add a year on but at least when you want to have a career you won't have someone else raising your infant(again, my opinion). I know a few people that waited to have more kids and now they decided not to because of so many factors, especially the freedom that happens with older kids compared to infants. They still say every now and then that they wish they had more but it just wouldn't work now.
I think what you have to really consider is how much you really want another baby and take your daughter's personality into consideration....you know her best and do you think she would adjust to a baby later on? My children are mostly 2.5 yrs apart and there is always someone to play with, even my 6 yo daughter that can't stand her 3 yo brother are playing very nicely as I type this(including the 18mo too)....getting my 13 yo to play with her 6 yo sister is a nightmare...and my 11yo son to play with the 3yo brother isn't always easy either, he just doesnt' know how to relate.....

 

[sparkles2307]

I had to chose, I am only 24, but I had to decide between more kids and my life as it is now. DH is fixed, has been for years. We thought when we met and married that it was easily reversible, but its not. We ended up looking at a $40K estimate to harvest, and do In-Vitro...which the doctors told me would very likely result in multiples. DH was willing to get a loan and do it for me... it was me that decided I would rather be able to get the car I want, take vacations, and have the ease of only finding sitters for 2 kids...over the huge expense along with our high chances of having more than one. I am pretty ok with it, sometimes I get a pang when I see a new baby, but I have all kinds of free time and energy for my other interests, and my kids are getting old enough to allow me more free time, and I am really enjoying it! But dont rush your choice, I took a long time and hemmed and hawed and finally had to STOP thinking about it before I figured out where I am happiest. Best of luck!

 

[DiVon80]

Quote:
I agree with you! My mom had me when she was 31 my sister at 21. There is only 2 of us and we are 10 years apart. I was 12 when my 1st nephew was borne. Only regets I have is my parents are much older them most people my age. Finish your education, spoil the one you have and in 3-4 years you can have another one and the older one will help you.

Oh speaking of multiples: My younger nephew had 3 all at once. WOW! I never had any, I was always in love with animals.

 

[SunAngel]

Kids will always be different, some get along better than others, despite ages. But its a fact that most teenagers don't want to hang out with their 7-9 yr old siblings. Which leaves the younger one feeling left out and alone, unless there is another sibling after them.

We had our first two close together. I wanted more, but with working, time got away from me. I couldn't ignore the pangs of wanting another baby and decided if I wanted another it was now or never...I was 30. Now my first 2 are close to being out of school, while my youngest is still in elementary school. I wish I would have thought about all that when I was wanting that baby. I will be almost 50 when the 3rd graduates high school. My teenagers act like DH and I are old now and we are only 38....I can't imagine how my son will feel when his 48 yr old parents are taking him places. Some days when the older two are hanging out at the mall with friends, I feel like my 8 yr old is an only child. I wish I had the nerve to have a 4th, but I was scared to tempt fate and so DH got fixed. I don't regret having my 3rd, he is a real treasure, I just feel sorry for him sometimes.

The choice definitely has to be yours and your partners. You have to decide the time you want in between kids, how many you really want, how badly you want them as opposed to the degree, can you get help with the baby while taking classes, would you be happy with just an only child if work later on doesnt allow for another baby...I applaud you for doing the school/career thing, its tough.

A career will make you money, if you are lucky, and status...a child gives you love, memories, and carries on your family. It all comes down to what is most important to you. Good luck with your decision!

 

[WriterofWords]

Holly let me tell you about myself:

I will be 46 this Sunday the 24th, I've been divorced since I was 30. In the years between 30 and 46 I have a gotten a Bachelor of Science in Business Mgt. a Master of Arts in Elementary Education, most of my Doctor or Education in Administration and Curriculum Development. I also do a lot of trainings in accordance with my educational job since I teach 6th grade.
I've done this a single parent, working horrible hours, sometimes as a waitress, bartender, tow truck driver, cashier, carrier, worked with Developmentally Disabled adults, started substitute teaching part-time, then got my own classroom and did my student teaching in my own classroom but still was accountable for all student teaching work. I've raised my 17 year old son on my own while doing all of this, it was hard and it was more than worth it.
If you want to do it, you will, if you look for excuses not to, you won't. It's all up to you and what you think you can handle and since you are married you have help and support.
Good luck on your decision, and I wish the best and I wish you success.