I need help. I need a divorce & don't even know how to begin. I have three kids at home & have stayed at home since they were little. I homeschool 2 of them (12 & 15) and the 20 year old is in a local college this year. On top of it, I just turned 50 & feel so old.
I won't go into too many details, but I don't have a lot of money & no job other than selling little things on EBAY sometimes. I feel so hopeless & so tired of being "controlled" and yelled at everytime he walks into the house or a room. He has blocked my way before, becomes angry at everything and anything. Even my youngest has said, "Why don't you marry a new man, Mom?"
I feel trapped like those chickens on the Tyson trucks I see sometimes. I just don't know what to do. I have a college degree, but have not worked for-pay in many years and isn't "work experience" what really counts? So, I do not even know if I could find a job to support myself & my two younger children.
He also hates whenever anyone comes over to see me & will often refuse to allow me to talk to them, taking over the whole conversation. He was furious when I had hurt my back so badly that my Mother & one of my very few friends came over to help me~~which I desperately needed. He said that he did not like them here because they disturbed "HIM!" and he wanted them out. I could not even get in and out of bed by myself even though I had pain medication~~my Mom would help me get in/out of bed very slowly, but he would jerk me up very painfully and roll his eyes when I asked him to go very slowly and he would jerk me out of bed anyway, so I desperately needed her help. My kids needed her help at that time as well and were genuinely grateful for all she did for us which was a huge amount. There are lots if other things, too, but it would be so long to tell them all.
I don't know what to do about health/dental insurance & I could not pay those pricey lawyers. He said once that if I ever tried to leave him, he would take the kids from me. But I am tired of feeling bullied all the time and my kids see that many things are very wrong as well. They are yelled at a lot, too, and my youngest will "hide" from him if she hears him come out of his room. I would like to live the rest of my life in peace, not fear. I would like the same for my children. I am at a loss and afraid, too. I suppose I would have to give up my chickens & animals as maybe I should be the one to leave first? I could maybe go live with my Mother nearby, but she is 71 & we might be too much for her though.
I quess I am just fed up, but scared to change, too. I know I am not perfect & feel rather worthless most of the time & sad about all these things, but I try very hard to do what is right for my children & I would never want to loose them. I am sorry this is so jumbled up. I feel so isolated. I get a lot of stomach aches & wish he had a job where he was gone for weeks at a time so we could have a break from him.
I sure would love it if you would pray if you have a chance. I wouldn't mind any advice you might be willing to share either. I used to think I was "strong person" by staying here, but I don't think so now. I think I have just been afraid to try to get out. Thank you so much everyone. Lisa
I won't go into too many details, but I don't have a lot of money & no job other than selling little things on EBAY sometimes. I feel so hopeless & so tired of being "controlled" and yelled at everytime he walks into the house or a room. He has blocked my way before, becomes angry at everything and anything. Even my youngest has said, "Why don't you marry a new man, Mom?"
I feel trapped like those chickens on the Tyson trucks I see sometimes. I just don't know what to do. I have a college degree, but have not worked for-pay in many years and isn't "work experience" what really counts? So, I do not even know if I could find a job to support myself & my two younger children.
He also hates whenever anyone comes over to see me & will often refuse to allow me to talk to them, taking over the whole conversation. He was furious when I had hurt my back so badly that my Mother & one of my very few friends came over to help me~~which I desperately needed. He said that he did not like them here because they disturbed "HIM!" and he wanted them out. I could not even get in and out of bed by myself even though I had pain medication~~my Mom would help me get in/out of bed very slowly, but he would jerk me up very painfully and roll his eyes when I asked him to go very slowly and he would jerk me out of bed anyway, so I desperately needed her help. My kids needed her help at that time as well and were genuinely grateful for all she did for us which was a huge amount. There are lots if other things, too, but it would be so long to tell them all.
I don't know what to do about health/dental insurance & I could not pay those pricey lawyers. He said once that if I ever tried to leave him, he would take the kids from me. But I am tired of feeling bullied all the time and my kids see that many things are very wrong as well. They are yelled at a lot, too, and my youngest will "hide" from him if she hears him come out of his room. I would like to live the rest of my life in peace, not fear. I would like the same for my children. I am at a loss and afraid, too. I suppose I would have to give up my chickens & animals as maybe I should be the one to leave first? I could maybe go live with my Mother nearby, but she is 71 & we might be too much for her though.
I quess I am just fed up, but scared to change, too. I know I am not perfect & feel rather worthless most of the time & sad about all these things, but I try very hard to do what is right for my children & I would never want to loose them. I am sorry this is so jumbled up. I feel so isolated. I get a lot of stomach aches & wish he had a job where he was gone for weeks at a time so we could have a break from him.
I sure would love it if you would pray if you have a chance. I wouldn't mind any advice you might be willing to share either. I used to think I was "strong person" by staying here, but I don't think so now. I think I have just been afraid to try to get out. Thank you so much everyone. Lisa
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