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I need Some Prayer, please.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by chickens4me, Dec 24, 2009.

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  1. Dec 24, 2009 #1
    chickens4me

    chickens4me Songster

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    I need help. I need a divorce & don't even know how to begin. I have three kids at home & have stayed at home since they were little. I homeschool 2 of them (12 & 15) and the 20 year old is in a local college this year. On top of it, I just turned 50 & feel so old.

    I won't go into too many details, but I don't have a lot of money & no job other than selling little things on EBAY sometimes. I feel so hopeless & so tired of being "controlled" and yelled at everytime he walks into the house or a room. He has blocked my way before, becomes angry at everything and anything. Even my youngest has said, "Why don't you marry a new man, Mom?"

    I feel trapped like those chickens on the Tyson trucks I see sometimes. I just don't know what to do. I have a college degree, but have not worked for-pay in many years and isn't "work experience" what really counts? So, I do not even know if I could find a job to support myself & my two younger children.

    He also hates whenever anyone comes over to see me & will often refuse to allow me to talk to them, taking over the whole conversation. He was furious when I had hurt my back so badly that my Mother & one of my very few friends came over to help me~~which I desperately needed. He said that he did not like them here because they disturbed "HIM!" and he wanted them out. I could not even get in and out of bed by myself even though I had pain medication~~my Mom would help me get in/out of bed very slowly, but he would jerk me up very painfully and roll his eyes when I asked him to go very slowly and he would jerk me out of bed anyway, so I desperately needed her help. My kids needed her help at that time as well and were genuinely grateful for all she did for us which was a huge amount. There are lots if other things, too, but it would be so long to tell them all.

    I don't know what to do about health/dental insurance & I could not pay those pricey lawyers. He said once that if I ever tried to leave him, he would take the kids from me. But I am tired of feeling bullied all the time and my kids see that many things are very wrong as well. They are yelled at a lot, too, and my youngest will "hide" from him if she hears him come out of his room. I would like to live the rest of my life in peace, not fear. I would like the same for my children. I am at a loss and afraid, too. I suppose I would have to give up my chickens & animals as maybe I should be the one to leave first? I could maybe go live with my Mother nearby, but she is 71 & we might be too much for her though.

    I quess I am just fed up, but scared to change, too. I know I am not perfect & feel rather worthless most of the time & sad about all these things, but I try very hard to do what is right for my children & I would never want to loose them. I am sorry this is so jumbled up. I feel so isolated. I get a lot of stomach aches & wish he had a job where he was gone for weeks at a time so we could have a break from him.

    I sure would love it if you would pray if you have a chance. I wouldn't mind any advice you might be willing to share either. I used to think I was "strong person" by staying here, but I don't think so now. I think I have just been afraid to try to get out. Thank you so much everyone. Lisa
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2009
  3. Dec 24, 2009 #2
    chixie

    chixie Songster

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    kountze texas
    have you tried finding legal aid...I agree you really need to get out of that relationship....good luck... sending you prayers and lots of hugs
     
  5. Dec 24, 2009 #3
    Sir Birdaholic

    Sir Birdaholic Night Knight

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    [​IMG] to you & the kids. Legal aide may be the answer [​IMG]
     
  7. Dec 24, 2009 #4
    redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    So sorry..
    I would go live with my mother and get back on my feet. Also, you can get financial help for the kids...just ask. HEck..they may send you back to school if you want to go. I'm so sorry that you have to live this way right now... best wishes in everything. [​IMG]
     
  9. Dec 24, 2009 #5
    chickens4me

    chickens4me Songster

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    Thank you all so much. I realize I do need some legal help in SC. I appreciate your prayers most of all right now. [​IMG]
     
  11. Dec 24, 2009 #6
    Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

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    Quote:Lisa, I will pray for you many times over the next few days. May the Holy Spirit move to give you a way away from a destructive man and keep you safe.
    My heart is heavy for you. Thank you for telling us about your circumstance - many people will be praying for you.
    Hugs.
     
  13. Dec 24, 2009 #7
    GaNewChick

    GaNewChick Songster

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    Can you talk to your mother and see if she could handle the 3 of you moving in. I would think the 2 youngest are old enough to help around the house with chores, cooking, and cleaning.

    My concern is how would he react if you moved out. Would he stalk, make threats, could he resort to violence. Would you need to get a restraining order on file.

    If he died next week, you would find a way to make it on your own....if you could do it then, you can do it now.

    I say do what you have to do, and get your children out of it too & find happiness. [​IMG]

    My prayers for you and your family.


    Merry Christmas and let the New Year be a new start for you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2009
  15. Dec 24, 2009 #8
    Elite Silkies

    Elite Silkies Crowing

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    My Coop
    My mother is the Administrative Assistant for our Local Crisis Center. She has worked in this area for 18 years. I will talk to her and see what she thinks. There is help we just have to find it.

    If you need to talk please pm me and I will give you my phone number. My mom has so much experience in this and I am sure she can help in some way. [​IMG]
     
  17. Dec 24, 2009 #9
    maplesky7

    maplesky7 Flock Mistress

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    Here in Il. ours is called Prairie State Legal Services.

    You should have something similar to this in your state. The front of the phone book has some numbers as well. Your dr. is also someone that can put you in touch with services since your husband sounds like a threat to you and the kids. And you WILL qualify for state aid... medical, food stamps...

    I am going through something very similar to you. Number one... you have to put you and your kids safety first.

    Number 2... reach out for help with the above mentioned and it would serve you well to reach out to a local church and tell them of your circumstance and they will be able to help in ways...like mine did a food drive for my family...

    Three... you WILL be able to do this. You are having doubts right now and that is normal. But it will serve you and your children to get out from under this abuse. As time goes on you will see that you DO have the strength and what it takes to move forward and your spirits will lift and life WILL get better. Expect bumps in the road and reach out to your family, friends, church, and to your fellow byc members and we can all help you get through this.

    Four... You are loved and you ARE worthy.

    Many hugs and prayers,
    Gretchen
     
  19. Dec 24, 2009 #10
    Cindiloohoo

    Cindiloohoo Quiet as a Church Mouse

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    UGH!! I will be praying for you. I will also tell you, I was the kid in a too similar situation. I'm 32 now. This post is gut wrenching because it made me remember what I would rather forget. GET OUT! Whatever that means as far as sacrifice, the kids would RATHER HAVE THE HARD TIMES than the fear. I can not stress that enough! I would have been happier in a cardboard box on Main St. but my mother never left, and I have had to struggle with the memories my whole life. She didn't have a college education to back herself and up, and she could have made it. And the thing about you being worthless...that's what he wants you to think, just like my father trapping my mother in that way of thinking. YOU ARE WORTH MORE TO YOUR KIDS THAN THAT at the very least. You are NOT worthless, or too old, or not good enough, or any of that. You can get a job, sell more on Ebay, do odd jobs, anything to get by until you get on your feet. I moved out at 18 with nothing, and I made it through my last year of High School as a homeless person. If I can, YOU can. You ARE a strong person, strong enough to leave and not look back. If not for yourself, do it for your kids. I am sorry you are in this situation. Let me know if there is anything I could do to help.
     
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