I need Some Prayer, please.

[chixie]

and on another note your kids are learning not so healthy behaviors from their dad.... still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers

 

[horsejody]

Prayers said. Good luck.

 

[beerman]

I don't mean to scare you but be VERY careful how you do this. My friend left her husband and moved in with her mom, now her mom is dead and she was shot 5 times. Her husband is looking at the death penalty now. Document what you can and get a order of protection. And if he wants to talk to you do it in public with lots of people around.
Before you take the kids to your mothers I would notify the police. My friend spent a week in jail when he left his wife and took the kids and stayed with his parents.
Hope it works out for you.
Plenty of nice guys out there

 

[Dar]

I dont know how computer savvy AH (@ss husband) is but please be careful!!!!

If he knows you are looking for a way our he may start to watch your computer for "clues"

Delete ALL browsing history

I would not even talk about this further from this computer. If he is suspecting something he may decided to load in a key logger program and that would enable him to view everything written from that computer. passwords included

you need to call the local women in crisis center and make your move now! if you ever feel that your life is in danger please do not hesitate to call 911


http://www.allianceforwomen.net/partners/

this is a link for a lot of resources in SC

 

[Chicken Chaperone]

Hi Lisa,
First of all my prayers are going out to you!! I'm sending you all my best thoughts of strength and courage and patience and peace to you in this tough time!

Second- I've been through what you are going through with a hard divorce and rebuilding my life and I'd be happy to help you in any way I can as you navigate this path. If you'd like to take this conversation into PMs here that's fine. My situation was so much like yours except I had a 6 month old baby.

The next thing to know is divorce court varies state to state and sometimes county to county. If I know what county you are in I (or if you want to- you) can look online and find free legal advice and I can send you links to sites that can help get you started and that'll be the right ones for your county and court. There is a wealth of info out there and if you have internet access then you really have a great tool to help you through this. There are all kinds of websites that talk about how to file for divorce, that'll help you find free legal aide, that can help you find housing, jobs etc. It may be a bit overwhelming to think about all this right now on Christmas Eve so if you're not ready now- I'd be happy to help you whenever you are ready.

here is a starting place for you....
http://www.lawhelp.org/SC/

Ooo- and I just saw the post that talks about being careful about using your computer and deleting your browsing history! That is sooo important if you think he might snoop!!!

The next thing to think about is housing. If you could live with your mother that would be a great choice. Having your family's support is so wonderful and if your mom can help with that then that's awesome!

One thing you might want to start doing, if you can do it safely and without him seeing it, is to keep a journal with dates and times of all the times his anger crosses the line and becomes scary for you or the kids. If he has a history of violence and/or if you have written dated proof the chances of him 'taking the children away' are pretty slim. Maybe you could keep a journal safely put away at your mom's house and add to it when things come up. The more documentation you have the better it is in the eyes of the courts.

The most important thing is this- you are reaching out for support and you have it from me, from all the other kind folks here at BYC and, if you want it, there is all kinds of help and support online to see you through this. I don't want to presume too much but it sounds like this man is controlling and petty and truly unkind and you deserve so much better! Your children deserve so much better! One of the things you need to know is that controlling, hurtful people will do everything they can to make you feel small, scared, that you have no resources, and have no worth. It's just not true. You are 50 and have the smarts to home school your children. That's a great thing in and of itself! It sounds to me like you have the ability to manage your time well, keep a household running, prioritize well, care for pets and people and educate them- what employer would turn down someone with those kinds of skills?!? Yeah, experience in a paid job counts but so does life experience if an employer is smart! And if you have a degree then that's a bonus! Yay for you!!!!

There are so many other bits of practical advice that are coming to my mind to offer you but I don't want to overwhelm you. Just know that my prayers are with you and your kids and that you are not trapped- there are ways to get yourself out when you are ready and there are people, myself included, who will be glad to help in any way they can!

all my best thoughts and prayers to you,

Camile

 

[Omran]

I am so sorry to hear all that, noting makes me angry as a jirk man who does think that woman needs him and that he isthe Boss, there is no successful man without a great woman, leave him and we are praying for you.
Trust me the good lord will take care of you.

 

[FarmerChick]

WOW that is such a hard situation. So scary to change your life but it definitely sounds like it is time and would be for all involved.

He can't take your kids from you. Your kids are 12 and 15 and if they want to stay with you, they will. The court definitely takes into fact the childrens testimony at these ages....so I wouldn't worry much about that situation at all. He is putting fear into you about losing the kids and you have to know that it won't work usually. Your kids being older have a say in where they live also at this point.

So try to work past the fears, make yourself a game plan, who to talk to or move in with and then maybe get some counseling etc. on how to proceed to rebuild a life.
MANY others have done it, I know you can too.

take care and Merry Christmas!

 

[Countrywife]

God Bless you, I too will be praying, and I too have been there. I would caution you NOT to go to your mother, and to protect her when you leave. This man is trouble, and when you break free from his control, his is not likely to go quietly into the night. What you describe is abuse, and when you leave it WILL esculate. Go to the shelter, go NOW, and do NOT go back, EVER. Keep you, your children and your mother safe. When you are away, change all your passwords and usernames on the computer. Please, just go. If he finds out you are thinking about it, he may hurt you. And what he threatens you with, and what he can legally do, are two different things. Unless you are a documented drunk or drug addict, he will not be taking your kids.

 

[sundance]

Lisa, you said that you had just turned 50, go to a womens abuse shelter. they will help you with both job training and anything else you need. Don't tell any one where you are. Your children are old enough for you to sit them down and really talk to them. but seek help immediately. will be praying for you

marrie My dau works with the abused women in our local co. if you need to talk PM me and I will send you my phone number and the phone number of the shelters manager. she's a good friend of dau. and yes clear your P/C history every time you leave it

 

[rhoda_bruce]

Sometimes it only seems like these men are the strong ones and that the women fall apart and are weak, but when the women feel that they have no choice anymore and leave.......even when they are scared to death and feel torn apart, the men are discovered to be the ones that really needed the women. Its like they act like bullies out of their own brokeness. I'm not saying this is the story here.
Divorce may be the answer here. But separation may be a good thing to start with. One thing at a time. Be prepared to take it to the end, but pray is what I would do through it all. And yes ........I will pray.