I am so very sorry for your loss. I have lost many loved ones over the past few years and it has been hard at times. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, not only because I haven't lost someone so close to me as a sibling but everyone feels differently during such losses. I do hope though that what I am about to share will at least help ease the pain.
To begin with, I highly suggest you start reading your Bible. If you don't have one, please get one. Read it daily, you don't have to start at the beginning, you can start anywhere. The Bible I have has key words found in the back that makes it easier to find scriptures.
PRAY. I know it may be hard to do if you're feeling mad at God but he wants you to talk to him. There have been so many times I've prayed to God about things I felt were important and never thought he was listening but he is. You may not get an answer when you want it but he IS there for you (2 Cor. 1:3; Ps 34:18). He invites us to throw our burdens upon him (Ps 55:22), take advantage of that. Let it ALL out.
Talk to a friend, or as someone mentioned earlier in the post, talk to your sister. If you find this hard, try writing a letter. You'd be surprised at how better you'll feel if you write your feelings down. You can read it later, let someone else read it if you can't tell them in person, or you can just throw it away. Communicating your feelings is important, no matter how you share them.
Feeling guilty is NORMAL. We're all imperfect and can beat ourselves up over just about anything. Sure you may not have visited her as much as you wanted but you were there for her in the end. Dwelling on those "if only's" will only make you feel worse and will keep you from recovering. Feelings of guilt can also affect your physical and emotional well being.
I believe you mentioned feeling angry? That too is normal BUT it's important in how you express it. Find a vigorous exercise or, again, talk with an understanding friend. When you do talk to someone else, there is no need to blame others for your anger or frustration. I don't believe God "takes" people away. Many blame him when their loved ones die but he is a loving God and would never do such a thing. It makes him sad too to see his creations die and others suffer from losing their loved ones.
It appears you believe you'll see your sister again and that is great. I too believe we will see many of our dead loved ones again. Jesus himself promised that now dead ones will live again (Luke 23:43; Rev. 21:1-4).
At last, I encourage you to talk with your husband. I know some think you should leave him but when God made the first couple, their marriage was meant to last forever. Good communication and love will go a long way. Remember when you first met, and concentrate on his good qualities.
And on a side note, yes, let him know your idea to take things you raise to the farmers market to sell. Not only could you both make some money but it'll give him something so do, make him feel usefull. I know I expect things of my husband sometimes, thinking he should know already but they don't, lol. If we want something or have an idea, we have to tell them. Like I said, good communitation. Hope I helped and I hope things will get better for you soon.
