I need some support, and didn't know where else to go

[bossynbella]

First of all I want to apoligize it has been so long since i have been able to get online. We use a US cellular modem and went over our usage of 5gb the day I posted this. That meant i had to wait until it reset on the 24th to get on here. I have to leave for work in 15 minutes, but wanted to say thank you to everyone who has posted, I have only made it through the first page because I am trying not to bawl before going into work. The thing about my husband is, I really am not sure he honestly realizes that im still hurting. I have always been a bit of a cryer, weather I am mad, sad, upset or even frustrated I start crying, this makes discussing things very hard for me. I think I am leaving this page open in the hopes he will decide to read it. Other then that I just wanted to say thank you, thank you for listening and for caring. Also we don't have a pastor, we don't "go to church" I just have had my own very close relation ship with god for the last 5 years, I am hurting more now because I feel like I not only lost my sister but that feeling of having a loving caring god who listens to what I say to him when I talk. I really thought it would all be okay, like even when she dies I will be fine because I have god. But now that it has happened, I don't feel god anymore either.
Anyway so much for not crying before work. I have tomorrow off, I will get on and read the rest then.

 

[annie3001]

sorry for your loss. after reading the whole thread here, please seek some counseling. praying for you.

 

[bossynbella]

So I made it through the whole post. I want to again say thank you to all of you. The reason I came here is because I actually was looking for a local support group and couldn't find one I was disappointed and felt like there was no one to help me, no one to listen. Now I know that's not true. As far as my husband goes. Hes not a terrible person, we are working with the problems we have, and no he doesn't show his emotions very well at all. He doesn't get sad he gets mad. The only time I have seen him cry was when he had to tell a girl he didn't love that it was over. He had been dating her for two months when I met him. He told me about her. That they didn't get along or have anything in common but that she was just such a nice girl he didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to break up with her, but then he met me and in his words " I just like being around you so much Mel, we have so much to talk about and share the same interests" and we do. After he broke up with her we started dating. 4 years later we got married. Do I wish he had a job HECK YAH or at the very least I wish he would at least show some interest in trying to make money from home. Such as with buying/selling livestock or plants etc. I wish he would be willing to get up and go to the farmers markets to sell stuff we raise. And I suppose I should explain that to him instead of just expect that he knows it.
The pain of loosing my sister is like nothing I have ever felt. I lost my father when I was ten to prostrate cancer and though I remember crying, perhaps because I was little it didn't last very long. I lost my cousin and best friend the following year. She was 10 I was 11 she had Cystic fibrosis. That was harder but still after a few weeks I could think of her without crying, I never had regrets with either of them. But maybe that's because I was a kid. My Grampa and gramma died when I was 20 and 21 respectively, again I mourned but it was nothing like this. In 2009 my mother got sick. We found out she had Congestive heart failure, and because of a hospital mix up they put her on 100% oxy when her body was use to having only 30-40% this caused her to keep taking shallower and shallower breaths until they finally noticed it by this time it was touch and go and she was in intensive care for a week. We thought she would die, but though I hurt I called on god and he kept me strong though it all and I felt if she did die I was ready. Maybe that is the problem here. We all thought (diania included) we would have some notice that the time was coming, but then it just happened so suddenly there was no time to say goodbye. And actually my sister didn't believe in "god" she believed in a God but not so much the christian god I tried time and time again to get her to accept Jesus and she would just say, I just believe there is more then that. However at the end she said the lord prayer with the clergyman from the hospital. This was before I got there, but that made me feel that she made peace with god before hand. I hope so anyway.

thanks again for all the support
Melissa

 

[marky1]

I am so sorry for you. I wish I had magic words to take away your pain, but I don't. But I will pray for his safety. Only God knows everything.

 

[craftymama86]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have lost many loved ones over the past few years and it has been hard at times. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, not only because I haven't lost someone so close to me as a sibling but everyone feels differently during such losses. I do hope though that what I am about to share will at least help ease the pain.

To begin with, I highly suggest you start reading your Bible. If you don't have one, please get one. Read it daily, you don't have to start at the beginning, you can start anywhere. The Bible I have has key words found in the back that makes it easier to find scriptures.

PRAY. I know it may be hard to do if you're feeling mad at God but he wants you to talk to him. There have been so many times I've prayed to God about things I felt were important and never thought he was listening but he is. You may not get an answer when you want it but he IS there for you (2 Cor. 1:3; Ps 34:18). He invites us to throw our burdens upon him (Ps 55:22), take advantage of that. Let it ALL out.

Talk to a friend, or as someone mentioned earlier in the post, talk to your sister. If you find this hard, try writing a letter. You'd be surprised at how better you'll feel if you write your feelings down. You can read it later, let someone else read it if you can't tell them in person, or you can just throw it away. Communicating your feelings is important, no matter how you share them.

Feeling guilty is NORMAL. We're all imperfect and can beat ourselves up over just about anything. Sure you may not have visited her as much as you wanted but you were there for her in the end. Dwelling on those "if only's" will only make you feel worse and will keep you from recovering. Feelings of guilt can also affect your physical and emotional well being.

I believe you mentioned feeling angry? That too is normal BUT it's important in how you express it. Find a vigorous exercise or, again, talk with an understanding friend. When you do talk to someone else, there is no need to blame others for your anger or frustration. I don't believe God "takes" people away. Many blame him when their loved ones die but he is a loving God and would never do such a thing. It makes him sad too to see his creations die and others suffer from losing their loved ones.

It appears you believe you'll see your sister again and that is great. I too believe we will see many of our dead loved ones again. Jesus himself promised that now dead ones will live again (Luke 23:43; Rev. 21:1-4).

At last, I encourage you to talk with your husband. I know some think you should leave him but when God made the first couple, their marriage was meant to last forever. Good communication and love will go a long way. Remember when you first met, and concentrate on his good qualities.

And on a side note, yes, let him know your idea to take things you raise to the farmers market to sell. Not only could you both make some money but it'll give him something so do, make him feel usefull. I know I expect things of my husband sometimes, thinking he should know already but they don't, lol. If we want something or have an idea, we have to tell them. Like I said, good communitation. Hope I helped and I hope things will get better for you soon.

 

[bossynbella]

My carpal tunnel is acting up so I have been reading things but not responding. I just wanted to say, Im still here and Im still listening. I have actually had a good week this week. Last friday I got Associate of the month at the local Wal-mart I work at. I will be going to the lawn and garden area to work for the summer (which sounds awesome though I am a little scared I will be in over my head as all I have done is be a cashier) and on Monday my beagle finally came into her third heat. She is now three years old, and vet says she is good to go. So I will have something to look forward to. On monday we will breed her to my father in laws beagle. I do wish my sister could of stayed till spring. Yet Im glad she is no longer in any pain, its just hard to enjoy all the spring things she always loved so much knowing she will never see another spring.
Well I can't feel my right hand so I better stop typing.
Thanks again to everyone
Melissa

 

[schellie69]

Hang in there you will heal from this. keep talking to people here. Know that your sister is watching over you and will be there in your heart anytime you need her. Start a journal to your sister talking to her about your memories your hopes what ever you want its what I did after my grand dad died it helped.

 

[cackydoodledoo]

Don't you dare be afraid to take that position at work!!! You will do an awesome job!!! Never sell yourself short and know that we all have faith in you!!!!

 

[SourRoses]

Ditto!

 

[steffpeck]

I am very sorry for your loss!!! You said that your sister will never see another spring, just remember she is watching from heaven and that she does see everything!!! I hope that your pain fades quickly and that you have more good days than bad days soon!!!!