I need to vent. Is that okay?

[enola]

That's it! Eventually all of it will be gone! 

Or at least maybe they will stop bring stuff over. Either way your storage heap might not get any bigger.....

 

[rancher hicks]

My problem is that people give me their stuff and tell me not to throw it out. I am like your wife, I am too passive. I have clothes from people that I never wanted, don't need, don't like- and they say don't throw these out. So now it is my responsibility to take them to goodwill, so goodwill can throw them out? I have enough rags to last me forever.
No one gives me nice new things, they give me worn out ugly things.
and the admonishment of 'Don't throw this out."

I need to say, "No. If you leave this here, I will throw it out."

..but I don't throw it out, I go get a storage box and store their stuff for them at my house for what I assume will be forever.

And I am with you on the refrigerators. They need deeper doors and shallower shelves. I have the problem of condiment build up. I think I should mix them all together and see if it explodes.

Well now as far as throwing stuff out? There are plenty of goodwill clothes boxes these days. Too if you itemize you can get a receipt and deduct their donated stuff. DW usually leaves stuff to be dropped off and I end up doing it.

On the other hand if you WANT to get rid of it, have someone ELSE throw it out. When guests are leaving hand them a bag and say, "could you put this in the trash can for me?" It doesn't matter if it's your trash can. OR you could burn the stuff in a burn pile. Or you could put it in a box, gift wrap it and leave it on the back seat of your unlocked car. Someone is sure to steal it. Either way it's gone and you can in good conscience say YOU did not throw it out. Clearly I've thought too much about this.

Sometimes, "one man's trash, is another man's trash".

As for condiments? Why oh why do we buy Ketchup. This past visit to the daughters and I open the drawer in the kitchen and it's like a condiment package grave yard. The chinese place should stop giving out packages of duck sauce and other stuff. We never use it all and it's either stuffed in a drawer or tossed in the trash. What this world needs is a designated container for us to put those packages in.

 

[3goodeggs]

Spot on.

 

[rancher hicks]

So my point was proved today. I just gave the chickens at least a dozen ears of corn. Not sure what was paid for it, but it had to be at least $5. You know what the say, Corn today, eggs tomorrow.

And so it goes.

 

[prostar]

Haha hicks. Well, my garden is stuff that both the chickens and I will eat...watermelon (hubs laughs at my watermelon addiction...girls get the rinds), cucumber, corn, well I don't think they can have jalapeños...but those were for hubs...lettuces of various types, snap peas, sunflower, strawberries (they only get the tops lol)

And yeah. I share lots with them. And stuff that I just don't get to eating...their diet is decently varied.

 

[b.hromada]

That story sooooo describes this household! My hubby would like nothing more than to go around and throw everything out!! But, I won't let him, lol! You must have seen my house, because you described it to a T!!!! Love the story, and thanks for giving me such a laugh too!

 

[enola]

My chickens love jalapeños !

 

[Priscilla Feathers]

It's hard to break someone else of a spending habit, but maybe the next time your daughter is planning to go shopping, you could take her and the children to the park instead. Or offer to drive them to a free museum, the local library for "story time", or go to one of the bargain movie theaters. Or as she is headed out the door to go shopping, suggest that you all bake cookies, or pancakes, or something else fun. If you aren't into cooking yourself, ask your wife to help you think of activities that you can suggest to replace the shopping trips.

Shopping is an addiction, and like most addictions, it is harder to control if a person isn't busy, actively engaged in another activity. You can help your daughter overcome her addiction by giving her ideas for other things to do when she is bored. Look for fun, low to no cost activities in your area that you can all do together with the children to replace the shopping.

This won't work if you won't invest some of your own time though, at least initially. If you don't go along with them on the trip, or participate in the activity, she'll likely just go shopping. If you aren't home during the day, you may need to beg your wife to help you out with this. If neither of you are home, then it will be harder, but you could at least give your daughter a list of potential activities for during the week, and definitely do something with her and the kids on the weekend.

You also need to set some rules for the house, and let your daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren know that the rules need to be followed or all of you will not be able to live peacefully together in one house. Just make sure they are reasonable rules, not too many rules, and not too hard to understand and remember. You also need to be kind when you explain the rules, and not bring up your frustration about the amount of toys and clothes that are being purchased. The goal is future peace after all, not making people feel bad for questionable choices they've made in the past.

I would suggest the following:

Collect some boxes of various sizes to hold sets of toys. All action figures in one box, all barbie dolls in another, trucks in another, etc. -- whatever you can do to break the toys up into logical groups. (Boxing up the toys will also help emphasize just how many toys your grandchildren actually have. Your daughter may not realize how many there really are with them spread all over the house!)

Now, label all the boxes with what they have inside, and put all the boxes up, out of reach of the children if at all possible, on a closet shelf, or out in the garage. Then tell the children they may have ONE box of toys at a time. And they have to put everything away in that box before they are allowed to have any toys from another box. Make sure all other adults in the house understand and abide by the rule as well. ONE box of toys out at a time. All toys from that box put away and the box itself put away before another box is brought out. If children can't agree which box comes out, keep a running tally on whose turn it is to decide which SINGLE box is brought out. This also encourages the children to play together, and play nicely, because if they fight over toys, you can put all the toys back in the box, and they have to wait 15 minutes before another box can come out.

I also suggest you designate ONE room for where children are allowed to play with the boxed up toys. And don't let them take toys out of that room. Pick one bedroom, if your bedrooms are large, but if not, you need to pick another larger room. Around and under the kitchen table (all toys get put away at mealtimes) or the family room (all toys get put away before dinner.) I have a large, 8ft x 4ft rug in my family room and the kids aren't allowed to move the toys off the rug.

If a toy leaves the designated room, and Grandpa finds it, it gets tagged with the date, and put away in a "redemption" box. The child doesn't get the toy back for three days, or until he redeems the toy. Redemption means picking up all the toys he currently has out, reciting the "rule", apologizing for breaking the rule, and then promising not to take the toy out of the room (I usually ask for a hug as well, and thank them for making the promise to do better in the future.)

Outside toys also need to be in a contained box outside, riding toys need to have a place where they "live" when they aren't being used, etc. Designate places where toys "live" -- put up labels, insist that the child place the items where they "live" whenever they are done with it. Outside toys are never allowed in the house, and inside toys are never allowed out of the house.

Coloring books, stickers, paints, etc. are allowed at the kitchen table, (or an activity center you've designated, inside or outside, whichever works for you.) but no where else and have to be cleaned up after use. (I keep a box of all the paper/art stuff in the kitchen, so the children understand that is where the art supplies "live.")

Books and comfort toys (the stuffed animals they take to bed. a flashlight, and other quiet items, "live" in the bedroom. On a bookshelf, sitting on the bed, in a drawer in the night table. Whatever works for your home, but bedtime toys need to have their own place to "live" that is separate from the box toys, and bedtime toys can't leave the bedroom. Never ever.

That way, when the child is sent to their bedroom, hopefully EARLY in the evening after dinner (whatever early is for you, my kids went into their bedrooms at 7:30PM with lights out by 8PM to 9PM depending on their age). When they are in their bedroom they can look at books, play with their stuffed animals, or their flashlight and it will seem fresh, new and special. My older children all had tape recorders to listen to music and story tapes in their rooms. Now, kids have mp3 players. My grandchildren are allowed to use their parents Kindle Fire to watch a cartoon in their bedroom before bed. Your daughter can decide what the "bedtime" toys will be, but the box toys shouldn't be the bedtime toys because box toys should all be put away before bedtime.

The trick is getting the children to understand that they can't drop toys haphazardly wherever they happen to be walking. There should be designated play areas, and designated play times and constant reminders where each toy "lives" and when it is the appropriate time or place to play with a particular toy, so toys don't get spread clear through the house. Restricting toys to certain times and places also makes an old toy seem suddenly new and appealing every time it comes out of the box, or greets the child at bedtime.

Last but not least, start training your grandchildren to "give back." With your daughter's permission, have yet another box available at birthdays or Christmas. This is the "donation" box. Let the child know that since they will be getting new toys and clothes, now would be a good time to pass some of their older toys and perhaps clothing, on to another child. Encourage them to choose at least one toy to give away, more if they are so inclined. You can suggest toys from a box they haven't asked to take down very often, or encourage them to donate the entire box of toys. Bring them with you when you take the box to the donation center and tell them how proud you are that they are willing to share. You should donate something of your own at the same time, some clothes, a book, a DVD, or some other item that you aren't using anymore, so the children can see they aren't the only person being asked to give away their possessions.

Just some ideas that worked for me in the past, and might work for you. Good luck!

 

[drumstick diva]

You have such good strategies, were you a teacher in a former life??

 

[3goodeggs]

I think our biggest issue is that other people honestly believe that they can relieve themselves of their guilt of over buying or being wasteful if they give their excess to someone who isn't wasteful. It is an acceptable excuse for their shopping addiction, but they don't buy me what I need or want or can use, they buy useless stuff to replace their old useless stuff-and make themselves feel better by giving it to us and making us promise to honor, love, and obey it- till death do we part. It is a junk shotgun wedding.

And now that I understand it- BYC is such a great therapist- I am going to refuse stuff from here on out. Maybe they aren't friends worth keeping if something like a junk refusal ends the friendship.

The friends that give me lightly used clothes that fit- I am so grateful. But the ones who hand me size two (?) -people come that small? really? If you cut me in half and then quarter that-maybe.
Someone gave me a top that I like and I would wear, -if I were six. (?)

Rancher, we need to stand up for ourselves look these people in the eye and risk offending them by saying, "NO"

It is our fault for taking it.