I need your opinions....

[Iowa Roo Mom]

My SO is a non-believer. I am ok with that, some members of my family are not. These members of my family have decided to ostracize me because of his beliefs. Now granted, we've only been together for literally a couple of months, but still... I do not push my beliefs on him, and he reciprocates that by doing the same. Religion is just something we don't discuss, and it works for us.

I have come to terms with being "disowned" by these people, as they have never been that "close" to me, and could not give me even an ounce of the support my SO does. It's not my very immediate family, but family all the same.

As a believer, I feel this treatment is unfair and wrong, but I've never been, how do I say this without being offensive... A devout Christian. I guess I just want opinions on how to approach my family, one last time, before they quit speaking to me all together.

Please don't turn this into a debate over religion, that is not the direction that I, or the mods, want this thread to go I'm quite sure.

 

[linben]

If you feel strongly about your relationship with SO then I would continue the relationship. It sounds like your family is trying to force you to choose. They may fear for you. I would let them know how you feel and maybe with time things will work out. I would pray about it.

 

[Judy]

One of the principles this country was founded on is religious tolerance. How sad we are still capable of this kind of thing.

Would have been better to decline to discuss anyone's beliefs. Not done in my family; considered to be no one else's business. Simple enough to say, if asked. I don't discuss my beliefs, it is something personal for me.

 

[joedie]

Quote:
I couldn't have said it better!

 

[cmjust0]

I don't think it's a good idea to give advice until we know the SO's reaction to all this... It might also be pertinent to know *how* your family came to be aware of his non-belief..

 

[chicksbestfriend]

WOW! My heart definitely goes out to you, not a comfortable place to be when others try to force you to make such a choice! My first thought was, pray, pray, PRAY, hand it over to God and let it go!! I have learned long ago not to allow myself to carry the burdens of others, that job has already been assigned before I arrived, and I am perfectly fine with that. Personally, I dont believe there is a choice to be made on your side, your heart will guide you in the relationship(s) that bring you the love, joy, comfort and support that you desire in your life, just follow your heart and you will find your inner peace, with or without them.

If I were in your situation, I would not discuss the issue of him being a believer or not, that is really only something your SO has the answers too. Continue to share with them the blessings that he has brought into the life of your family. Its their own covictions that will guide them as well. Either they will love you, him and everyone else in your life unconditionally and ride along with you and be a part of your journey, or they will deny themselves to share in your happiness. I will pray for all of you. May Gods peace be your comfort through all of this.

 

[churchx3]

The only thing that comes to mind when I read the other replies about Pray, Pray, Pray, I do believe it says somewhere about being "equally yoked" does it not?

 

[Iowa Roo Mom]

How they found out? Well, it was a rather awkward situation, but something was brought up in a casual conversation and he mentioned that he doesn't believe...

His reaction? He is comfortable with his stance. There was no argument with said family, no fireworks, no nothing, really. They confronted ME alone after the fact. I have never said anything to SO about their confrontation.

 

[Ema]

MY DH is on the same boat as your SO. I was raised catholic, went to church 3 times a week, did the baptisms and communions etc...we, on my request, have our children in a catholic school and both the school and the priest of the church are fully aware my DH will tolerate but is a non believer. Regardless during church functions my husband will attend.
My family also know he is a non believer, but they say to each his own. He is no worse off just because he believes in something else altogether or nothing at all.

I did however have a small issue with my nan, who really thought that he should be catholic too since he was baptized by his parents, and she even said we should not get married etc...but I told my nan, that just because she believed in something so strongly it didn't mena everyone else around her had to as well. I gave her an example, (no offense to anyone) half my family are Jehova witnesses, and the example I gave her was how she didn't like that her own daughter always tried to push her beliefs on her, so she should learn from that and not try to change my DH.

The priest at my DD school jokes around with my DH every time he sees him, he will nudge him and say..so, have you changed your mind yet sir!!!? Of course my Dh smiles and say absolutely not, but you keep up the good work!! My kids are baptized and DD will be going through her first communion this year.

I don't push him into believing or changing into anything he doesn't want to, and he does the same thing, so why should the family?? pretty much they know, if you don't like it, you don't have to be around to deal with it.

Well I hope you find a solution. and good luck :-D

 

[Judy]

Quote:
This is so sad, and you were very considerate of your SO. You don't need to be told they are being unreasonable. I can tell you what I would do, which is to be calm but blunt with them, but then the ostracism would not bother me in the least. In the end, you'll have to decide what suits you best.