toms are bigger (more meat) and have the potential to be mean, though most are sweethearts. hens can lay eggs for future poults or for eating (when mature) but tend to be smaller. If you just want to start a turkey for thanksgiving I would get a tom. Actually, since turkeys can be fragile, I would get at more than you need to start with and then you can sell or give, or keep the rest if you have extra. Plus then one guy won't get lonely.