I'm inconsolably sad.

pomozki

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I hope someone can understand my story and not judge me too harshly. I recently returned to New Zealand to sell my rural block near town. I only bought it for peace and quiet and know nothing about animals. My tenants had been keeping a chicken coop and 2 roosters and took all the chickens when they left, so the 2 roos were left here to get by as best they could and wandered everywhere together all day long. Having put down new carpet in the house I didn't want them getting inside and pooping on it, They kept approaching me and I read online that roos like bread so I kept feeding them but they kept pooping on my deck so I stopped and shooed them away, even threw things at them to make sure they got the message. I didn't want housebuyers put off by decks full of poop. One day the smaller (cuter of the roos) vanished, so the older one had no company. One day it tried to get into the house and I lost my temper, picked up some stones and threw them at him. All but one missed - but one hit him smack on the side.
My farmer friend came over and I complained about this roo that had become a pest. He noticed the roo slowly come up to me and said "this one's fine - he's just trying to make friends with you". Suddenly it all made sense. It just wanted company. I took to feeding it pieces of bread and water every day again and it made a habit of coming around every morning but I never let it too close because I kept thinking it wanted to peck at me and I was scared.
A few days ago I noticed it ate very little and left, 2 days running. It looked sad. The next day it didn't come at all. I hunted for it and found it, almost motionless, hiding next to a bush by the 2nd house on the property. I could see it was drooling and had been sick. Then I noticed it was doing green runny poop. It looked awful. I went to a vets and they said I should never have fed it bread, especially white bread because it can kill them. I bought some really good mix of chicken feed and went home to feed it. It was still ghastly sick and could only just about manage to come over to me a few feet away and drink some water I'd brought it.
That evening I returned to check on it and it had moved nearby, under the house. I thought it must be better because it had at least moved.
The following morning, yesterday, I went back first thing to check on it. It had found a quiet little spot under the house and died there.

Now, all I can think about are the horrors I put it through, chasing it, throwing sharp things at it and making it scream when all this poor little thing wanted to do was make friends with me because it had lost its chooks and its buddy and had nothing left in the world. Even after all the nastiness it still came back when I started being nice again and kept hanging around by my windows and doors hoping I'd keep it company..

I spent all day yesterday bawling uncontrollably for hours, full of guilt and self-loathing. I'm 58 years old and have hardly ever cried my whole life, But I can't stop thinking about the evil I inflicted onto this tiny innocent creature who just wanted to be friends.

I also read that roos can become sick after a trauma or through stress. One way or the other, the bread or the attacks, I know there's a high chance I killed it.

I tried to talk this through with a friend when the roo was sick and he said "hey it's only a roo". I think all my friends would think that.

To all the animals lovers out there. you must be horrified by this but could anyone offer some advice to me so I don't feel any more self-loathing than I do right now. I miss that darn roo so much. Thanks heaps.
 
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We all make mistakes, sometimes we just don't stop and think about what we are really doing. You did realize that you were treating the little roo unfairly and unkindly and tried to remedy the situation as best you can once you found out. You were too late for that little guy, but you did learn from it and I am sure you won't treat another animal like that. Have you considered rescuing or helping another animal in the little roos memory? That might be a nice gesture and remembrance of him.
 
hugs.gif
welcome to BYC. dont kick yourself, kick the one that left them behind. chickens dont die from eating bread. if they did mine would of been gone long ago. and a rock throw at its side probably didnt either. it would of took a good size stone with a strong arm. no its not nice but i understand your frustration. heres what you do. go rescue a couple battery hens. they are mistreated terribly. read up on them and you will see.
 
thanks to both the posters and for your suggestions. I'm selling my property because I''m leaving New Zealand and moving overseas to a town. But I will definitely do something along the lines you mentioned and rescue an animal, great idea.
 
Good luck with your move, and Best Wishes for the future, take care.
 
I'm in a similar boat tonight, I just spent the evening cuddling a chick that I'm pretty sure is going to die and I'm sad too. This is our first batch of chicks and it will be out first loss. It has no interest in food or water, it's crop is empty and I think it's just running out of life. It was week from the start so I expected this and yet it still hurts.
 
I'm new here and you'll all agree I'm the last to advise anything
but after what I'm going through I'd say cherish every moment you have with it so u don't have all the regrets I'm having, best of luck
 
That was a very heart wrenching story, I have shed a few tears reading it not only for the poor roos left behind by their last owners but for you being left in a situation you didn't know how to handle. Looking at the positives you have learnt from this experience and like the others said, maybe adopt a battery hen. Our two died not long ago and I bawled my eyes out then too but at least we know they had a better life at the end.
 
thanks for that. Interesting how 2 people have said the previous tenants shouldn't have left the roos behind. That never occurred to me.
 
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