I'm upset,tired, and beat and in need of some desperate family help

[TrystInn]

If you are a minor and your brother is abusing you, talk to the school and let them know. They are required by law to contact CPS. Your brother needs treatment and you need a safe place to grow up.

*hugs*

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

I'm sorry that your parents allow him to stay. He needs a drug/alcohol rehab program. They are costly but it's worth it if can turn him around. Unfortunately, he has to be willing to go. Your parents can't force him. If your parents continue to allow him to live in the home perhaps you could find another family member that would let you come live with them until you can get out on your own. It's not a healthy environment to be in.

 

[scarletbaby]

Im 19 and im really dependent on my parents for money. i'm going to college already but i dont think i can afford college and live by myself on a meager salary. I love my parents and honestly i don't think they want me to go because they get incredibly lonely without me (they already give me grief when i spend the night at friends houses for a couple of days). THis problem has been going on since i was a preteen and we have had child protective services come out but they didnt do anything because i didnt have any bruises. I've threatened leaving the house unless they get rid of him but i guess they either didnt care or they saw my bluff, who knows. I'm trying to get my nursing degree but with the impacted classes its going to take me years to get done with the degree and i dont want to rack up a huge debt if i dont have to. Maybe it is time to move out....but i really want to help my parents and brother. poop im just really confused....thanks you guys for the words of encouragement and help. i just dont want my parents to be unhappy for the rest of their lives and i dont want a family member to be out on the streets but i just guess they cant have everything....

 

[HeatherLynn]

Them kicking him out does not mean he will be on the street for the rest of his life. Its his choice if it does. My brother was an alcoholic and eventually my parents did kick him out. Just too many nights of him coming in stumbling drunk or having to pull us little ones out of bed to go pick him up from a bar. Was insane. My parents kicked him out when it got violent. It woke him up. It took him a while to get straightened up but eventually he was on his feet and his relationship with the family did get fixed. It just took something major to bring him out of his stupor. They might be unhappy at first but being miserable the rest of their lives is what they will be if something drastic doesn't happen to change this situation.

 

[wildeflowers]

You can not help your parents and brother. You can not do ANYTHING about your parents' happiness. It is not your job. It is not within your power. As harsh as this seem, the sooner you learn this the better off you'll be. I am being blunt here, because it will not do you any good to mince words. These are the things I wish someone had told me. It's your parents job to teach you this, but lots of parents miss this crucial lesson. You can love your parents and your brother and still do what is best for YOU. That doesn't mean you love them any less.

You have absolutely no power in the situation, except over yourself. Student loans are not the same as other debt. No, you probably couldn't live by yourself, but you could live in a dorm or with roommates. Student loans can help pay for that. You are 19. Starting YOUR life and having it have peace and a good future is the best thing you can do for yourself and for your parents, too. If they can't give you the foundation you should have, I'm sorry, you will have to provide that for yourself. It will be worth it. Why delay?

 

[Cindiloohoo]

I thought you were a minor. No reason for you to not get out if that's what you want.

 

[scarletbaby]

It's hard to say this but you guys are all right. I dont know it's just hard for me cause i've never really had to grow up. Everything here so familiar to me. I would have to leave my parents, my dogs who are practicilly my siblings, my chickens, my room. I just feel like im going to be really lonely if i leave...lonely and helpless and i must have it my mind that putting up with my brother would be less harder than making it on my own. i would just be leaving alot of things that made me happy......

 

[cmjust0]

What's up with all this "there's nothing you can do" nonsense? OF COURSE there's something she can do -- THAT'S HER RESIDENCE. You can't torture someone in their own residence just because their name isn't on the deed.

Look...sit down with your parents and say "Ok, here's the deal. I don't feel comfortable with him living here, and he's assaulted me/threatened me/etc. me in the past. **HE SCARES ME.** If you guys don't get it together and force him to get some help under threat of eviction from this household, then I'll call local law enforcement and take out an emergency protective order against him next time he so much as looks at me crosseyed. If I do that, they'll serve him and he'll be ordered to vacate this house IMMEDIATELY, we'll have a hearing in court, and he'll probably end up in jail. Got it? Ok then...ball's in your court. DO SOMETHING."

And what are her parents gonna do? They can't prevent her from seeking the help of law enforcement -- they don't have that kind of authority. All they can do is kick her out, but let's face it -- that's not likely to happen. If they won't boot the older bad male kid, what are the chances they'd boot the younger good female kid? Seriously -- they would really have little choice but to either agree to her terms and deal with their son or watch him be court-ordered to leave for their daughter's own protection.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
I agree..if she is a minor...she needs to get some help.
I had the impression that she wasnt a minor though... But i could be wrong...

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Quote:
I agree..if she is a minor...she needs to get some help.
I had the impression that she wasnt a minor though... But i could be wrong...

NOT a minor...she's 19.