I'm upset,tired, and beat and in need of some desperate family help

[redhen]

Quote:
I agree..if she is a minor...she needs to get some help.
I had the impression that she wasnt a minor though... But i could be wrong...

NOT a minor...she's 19.

Ahh.. yeah.. thats what i thought.

 

[crazy goose lover]

Please visit www.ala-non.alateen.org This is a branch of AA that helps family memers cope with the adiction of another person in the family. It is a support group that can help you learn what you have control over and what you don't and helps teach coping skills that could help you and your parents get through this tough time. The groups are free and there may be a local group near you.

 

[scarletbaby]

al-anon sounds like just what my family needs right now and there seems like they have a group near me. I am going to talk it over with my parents tonight and see what happens from there. Thanks again for all of the help.

 

[PineappleMama]

Quote:
Sums it up. If you don't want to be around it then you need your own place with nice sturdy locks... until that's possible you're pretty well stuck.

for you and

for people who use and abuse everyone around them.

 

[littlefarm_bighappy]

Hon, your most recent post where you said you never really had to grow up just jumped out at me.

I am currently dealing with a 30 year old brother who keeps calling me up and screaming at me because he can't afford a new mental health medication. It is not my fault, but since I present him with solutions instead of buying into his poor me routine (like my enabler mother does) I am the bad guy.

He is still at home, refuses to go to college, get a real job. No matter what you tell him, his job sucks. He can;t find a new one. THey are agaisnt him at the local college. It's so expensive to find an apartment. My mother totally enables him and feels sorry for him, and it gets him nowhere. I wish my dad would grow a pair and kick his butt out. Me and my older brother moved out and support ourselves. My younger sister- only 23! is living and teaching in a foreign country.

Growing up is scary but empowering. You too can grow a pair and live on a meager living- I know, I've done it. WITH a child. Does it suck? heck ya, i'm not gonna lie. But I didn't have to put up with anyone's BS and I still don't. It's much healthier for you to live on soup and ramen and not take a beating than to eat roast beef and get abused.

Much love and luck to ya hun. I know how it sucks to live in an abusive household. I'd not trade anything for that situation again.

 

[Mom 2em All]

When I read the first few lines of your post, I was afraid you were my daughter posting.

You are nineteen, and taking that leap and moving out is scary- but you won't be moving away never to return. You mention your dogs, chickens, etc...thats what visits are for. Get a friend, share the rent. Check out dorms at your school. School loans- do not have to be paid back until you have been out of school for six months and then it is in monthly payments. Parents will still help you, thats what we do- you can always go over there for dinner, etc., laundry., etc. You would be moving out of the house, not out of your life.

I am sorry that your brother is the way he is. It kills us as parents to have a child that will not take responsibility for his own life. I have a son who is a school drop out addict. He is seventeen. He is also bi-polar, and it kills me how he hates his sisters and me. Threatening your parents that you will do this or that or getting CPS involved does not help family dynamics. You are old enough to be on your own and away from the situation. Take your situation as a kick in the butt to do what millions of other eighteen year olds are doing- leaving home and going to college. Mac and cheese, ramen noodles, and bologna sandwiches and parents home for Sunday dinner are college staples. You will be okay.

You do not need to threaten your parents that if they don't kick him out, you are moving out. Make your decision to move out part of growing up. It will not help your parents to be threatened that you are moving- discuss it as an adult. Then do it. You don't have to move across the country, and you can still visit.

 

[Mattemma]

Yes,nothing you can do but move out asap.My mom still bails my bro out.I stopped years ago when the *mistakes* were not learned from.I am not a total B,so I did give plenty of chances. My mom on the other hand is mom,and moms/dads very rarely give up on a child.As a result of this *choice* my mom is currently paying for bail she paid to get bro out of jail.I would have left him in jail,but that is me not her.

Get counseling for yourself to deal with it.You are right to be concerned for your safety.It is not unheard of for children to hurt family members then they conveniently claim they were not responsible for their actions due to a drug induced rage.

 

[jerseygirl1]

Quote:
Wow, I agree with this one

Edited to say in the meantime, if he lays a hand on you or your mom/dad, I would call the police

 

[Hillsvale]

a couple of these responses just reek of people who have no clue what a parent goes through with a child struggling with school, drugs, alcohol or mental issues... It is easier for a while to have the child who is doing well to suck it up then to toss a struggling child into the cold. No I am not saying this is right.

It took me several years of this before I finally kicked my son out at the age of 18. He kept coming back every few days (we live in the country) I would return him to the bus station... he had no money, no job and no education. He would steal from us... sell our stuff. He finally clued up and went to a homeless shelter for drug and alcohol addicted men.... because there were no rooms at the teen shelters... a few days there taught him a quick lesson on where his life could go... he rented a room from some lady who stayed for 6 weeks then left him the whole apartment to pay for... he still hadn't a job! He learned very quick to get room mates and he has straightened up enough that I hired he on our job site a labourer.... he still has some issues but they are manageable and I help where possible.

OP, I really do feel for your situation... my older son felt the same as you do and it wasn't fair for him either.

If you can go to alanon that would be great especially if your parents would go with you. If it becomes dangerous for you to remain at home and your parents still refuse to request your brother to leave, seek some assistance from a social agency to help you with living costs while you finish school.

Keep in mind your parents feel helpless and desperate... probably guilty though they needn't... your parents need to hit rock bottom with him as well!! Mine rock bottom was when there was nothing left to steal and there were suspicious damage to his walls involving knives.... you parents will find their rock bottom soon. Until then do what you can to keep yourself healthy and safe!