In need of advice, please help. :(

[cassie]

You could take out another loan from family or friend to pay HIM back,and then you can pay the new person. Shoot, I might even say take a bank loan or credit card loan.Either way the friendship is probably over.

Forget sending him stuff.Postage is way too high.Just send cash.Keep a record of everything.If I were in your situation I might get a part time job.Weekend nurse aide or cleaner to get more cash,or just borrow from someone to pay him.

Look. This woman is already up to her ears. They had a contract, plain and simple. They both agreed to the terms. Yes it was oral, but oral contracts are recognized by the courts. The fact that his circumstances have changed is not her fault. Things happen and she can only do what she can do. He can do the same. He is not helpless.

 

[MamaRoo]

Quote: I agree with this. Doing everything you can to help doesn't mean putting yourself into harms way through stress or risk to your children's wellbeing. His situation is not her fault, although the timing is terrible and I'm sure she feels pressure, both from him and herself, to give him money. I believe her when she says that she's doing everything she can.

Also, Even if he received the entire $4000 at once, it wouldn't really make a difference in what he's experiencing. Homelessness is more of a chronic problem and $4000 isn't very much money at all when it comes to supporting yourself.

 

[Coop Deville]

1) I agree with the last two posts. You are meeting your obligations under the contract. That the other party is trying to lay a guilt trip on you does not affect what you owe. 2) If things get really bad, you might have a statute of frauds defense to payment on all of the remaining balance because (in most states) a contract must be in writing if it is not performable within one year (your oral agreement is for payments for 20 months, or eight months beyond one year). You should talk to a lawyer in your jurisdiction.

 

[MeatKing]

That's hard

Your doing the best you can. He's probley not trying to change the rules as it goes. He's a friend, hoping you can help him back.
Is he employeed? If not, can he come live with you for a bit. I realize it's different states, but if he's homless and unemployed.. Maybe a move might be good for him?
Or does he have children, he would want to stay close to?
you are up to your eyeballs for sure..
Cloth diapers are great, but the upfront cost is crazy!! i bought four cost me like $100.. and you can't even get one whole day out've them.. Then you use power to wash them and dry them.. Plus that takes time.. That most people don't have!

Sorry your gonig through this, it will get better "Hugs"

 

[RunningRabbit]

The thing that really frustrates me about this, is what he was doing on his end. He quit his job to go back to school, got certified in something, found a job doing what he trained for, and when the reality of that job didn't meet his expectations, he quit that job and went back to school again.

It bothers me greatly that he left two jobs and went back to school with no income (save for my payments). I feel like I'm being blamed for something that could have been completely avoided if he hadn't left those jobs. I already feel like I'm shouldering the entire world on my shoulders, and his situation is just making that burden feel so much more exhausting.

It took me months before I finally accepted the loan from him, and I was constantly asking him if it was really okay and he was sure he would be fine...I was worried that something (this exact situation, actually) would happen. I truly wish I had listened to my gut instinct and just turned down his loan offer.

 

[Coupe]

I dont know if you have pets, but im guessing you have chickens..if your really struggling that much, maybe rehome your pets? You wouldnt have to buy food for them and that would give you acouple extra dollars for yourself..i say stick with what you guys agreed on,but if you have the extra cash that month then send it to him.

 

[MaryMouse]

I would take a loan from the bank or relative for the balance amount and be done with it. Stress is really bad , and this is stressing you out. Get the loan, pay him off , and feel better. Good luck I hope things improve for you.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

I would not go the route of a bank loan. Interest is a dangerous thing, and the stress of owing someone will not lessen as money will still be owed.

 

[hennotrooster]

Prayers being sent for your recovery..I have a cousin with Lymphoma she has battled it for 20 years now and is still doing good and fighting when she has flare ups.

Now as to your loan I will look at it as I do when my tenants do not pay the rent. Yet they will buy brand name cigarettes, those large cans of energy drinks, eat fast food, run all over town (gas is 4.20 a gallon here) buy the latest phone or some electronic but they do not have any extra for rent. They tell us that they are strapped and down to the last dollar as they open up a new pack of cigarettes, or I get a call (as I did yesterday) from a car dealer verifying that they rent from us, very irritating, so look really good and maybe there is some place you can scrimp and send him an extra 10.00.

 

[SillyChicken]

The thing that really frustrates me about this, is what he was doing on his end. He quit his job to go back to school, got certified in something, found a job doing what he trained for, and when the reality of that job didn't meet his expectations, he quit that job and went back to school again.

It bothers me greatly that he left two jobs and went back to school with no income (save for my payments). I feel like I'm being blamed for something that could have been completely avoided if he hadn't left those jobs. I already feel like I'm shouldering the entire world on my shoulders, and his situation is just making that burden feel so much more exhausting.

It took me months before I finally accepted the loan from him, and I was constantly asking him if it was really okay and he was sure he would be fine...I was worried that something (this exact situation, actually) would happen. I truly wish I had listened to my gut instinct and just turned down his loan offer.

after hearing that........... I would say pay only what you owe him per the agreement. It's not up to you to fund him so he can go FIND himself. He's making those decisions, it wasn't forced on him via getting fired, if he quit the job. Do not put your family out on a limb because he's using you to fund his decisions. Since he is the lean holder, and he agreed to allow you to delay payment, I can see why you feel obligated, but that again was his choice, it was out of your control, and you have been responsible through the whole situation. Nah, pay what you can, but don't do any more than that. IF he pressures you to pay more or else... if you don't have a legally binding contract it in writing, then it doesn't exist and you owe him nothing and I'd feel free to tell him that! The only thing that keeps you paying him is your own good conscience and integrity. and yes, lesson learned!