Is it cruel to ask your parents to move out???

[GaNewChick]

IMO, 14 years can't be summed up in a few paragraphs as we are only getting one side of the story. Therefore, I feel it is unfair to ask and give advise when it comes to something this sensitive.

With that being said ~ I hope that this can be worked out to benefit everyone and that your family is still intact once this is resolved.

Best of luck to everyone...

 

[vfem]

My heart goes out to you... my own parents continue to help my sister and her kids, raising them, paying for everything though both of them are being punished by the economy & bad health having almost lost their trailer & vehicles more then once this year. They get their electricity turned off, and rather borrow from me and my unemployed husband then ask from their church because my mom is too proud.

After months of driving her around listening to her complain about life then ask me for money... I told her I couldn't do it anymore... she treated me poorly, we barely talked, then not at all for awhile. I felt peace in my heart for the first time in a long time, my own husband told me I was so much easier to talk to, less edgy, more smiles everyday... less sobbing for no reason. I didn't realize the tolls on my person she had caused. ...AND I let her do it with no care for myself or my family at the time.

Obviously, your family isn't getting the best of you because you are giving it away, to people who take you for granted, and in return give away their responsibilities for themselves to someone else. That would make me feel even lower. They are their because they can no support themselves... if they have things to give away, then they could have taken care of themselves and instead they disrespected your heart! That's hugely sad in so many ways I haven't the words....

But please, taking advice is nearly impossible in your situation, believe me I know! I asked people what to do... no matter how GOOD the advice... good advice is HARD advice. So I took a few baby steps. She was angry (my father recently told me he didn't blame me), but she's talking to me now... civil... and she goes to her church, and the state for help. My heartache taught her to let go of her pride, as that what was standing in her way, NOT ME!

So look into your wallet, and your kids eyes and tell them... this is for their future! ...but you will ALWAYS love your family!!!

 

[justbugged]

It is not cruel to ask your parents to move out. In fact it may be the most loving thing you could do. It is unloving to your husband, and children to allow your parents to continue to use you. It teaches your children and husband how little you care for them or yourself. Your parents just like children that will never give you what you are looking for.

It is hard to find self respect when you keep giving it away. You have a responsibility to teach your children how to live like an adult. Your parents, and you have yet to know what that feels like. Your parents will not like you, or anything that you do for a longtime if you go forward. You have earned that. For your parents this arrangement works, except for robbing them of pride. They have proven that they will pay the price, and you have proven you will rob them of pride. Now you need to figure out if you are willing to teach your children the same lesson.

It is not easy to grow up and find a level of pride in yourself. For me I am only figuring out that I can't be good enough for my parents to love me. Even if I was good enough, it would never be enough, because the line just keeps moving.

 

[HereChickChickChick88]

Give them the 17k and show them the door. Perhaps help them come up with an exit strategy so they are prepared when they leave? Offer to pay them for continuing to help you in certain ways? This is a tough one but nothing good every comes from wearing out a welcome... so find what you're willing to bend on for the sake of saving the relationship and getting them out.... good luck!

 

[Jesusfreak101]

Tell them in love that they need to move out honey honestly. My parents don't live with me and I had to have the talk with them about the kids are my husband and mine to raise. They do have a hard time dealing with the kids as grandparents because they try to be mom and dad. They do help both my brothers constantly then get mad at me for not asking for help. Some times even being their child and how much you love them you have to remind them where your life is now and what's most important now.

 

[KentuckyRooster]

Tell them they need to go. I know it must be hard but I watch this situation happening in my family with grown children and it's just crazy. They're like leeches. Sucking up your life.

I have a bad relationship with my mother. we're working on it now, but there was a time I put my foot down and said no. You're toxic and until you can be decent- we're not talking any more because it's bad for my mental and physical health.

You deserve to be in your own home, with your own family. You've given more than enough, and it's time to say no. And it's OKAY to say no. Tell them you will help them in every way but financially and they can't live there any more- you can help them find a new place, but you can't let them walk on you anymore.

 

[KentuckyRooster]

Turns out this is a dead thread that got revived.

 

[drumstick diva]

Well I'm sure others are going through similar experiences - so it will still have value.