Is There Anybody Else Here With Aspberger's Syndrome?

[Beekissed]

They are at a disadvantage because they dont have the ability to read facial expressions, they often take phrasing literally which is confusing to them and the person they are trying to communicate with, they often have misleading facial or body language themselves which can lead to misscommunications

I agree with this. My son has AS but will not admit it nor entertain the thought. From what I've read about it, the area of the brain that deals with self-analysis is somewhat underdeveloped, so these people have major difficulty seeing themselves objectively. Or really assessing their own actions as opposed to others, especially in a social situation.

How I would have loved to have had him diagnosed as a child...we always knew he was different but never had a name for it. Now we do and he is in his twenties. School was a nightmare for him. He was bullied in every school he attended~even Christian school.

He is slowly learning to read facial expressions and body language and how to adapt to social cues but it is a long hard path and I think it will take a long time and he will always be on a learning curve...one step behind those not afflicted with this.​

 

[chicken_china_mom]

Well, I'm still learning about Aspergers, and probably will for the rest of my life, but at least I feel that I have a grasp of it now, which I didn't really have before. I went online and found a couple of interesting tests for Aspergers. I actually got the whole family to take the test (myself, both my kids, AND my mother!), and the results were...bittersweet. The first test offered a score from 1 to 200. The closer you got to 200, the more Aspie traits you have, and the more likely you are to be an Aspie. Well, all 4 of us tested well into the 100's, with my score being the highest at 161 out of 200. My older DD got 145 out of 200, my younger DD got 107 out of 200, and my mother got 142 out of 200. I then went over to the AQ test and made everyone take that test too. The normal range for someone with out Aspergers is suppose to be 16.4 on average. Anything over 32 is deemed autistic. I got a 33, my older DD got a 32, my younger DD got a 30, and my mother got a 29. Interesting to find this out. It has gotten all of us thinking about our "quirks", as well as other things. I took my older DD to the store with me today and I made mental notes of her behavior as we were shopping, and I noticed a lot of behavior that I realized were not "normal", but were things that I had always accepted as normal about her. She was very hyper today, unable to stand still for more than a couple minutes at a time, she talked nonstop (I can get tired just listening to her sometimes, lol), she was picking (normal for her), at herself, and her social skills are...off. She was trying to make jokes, but they were off, and only she was laughing, she was talking about odd things, avoiding strangers, and more things that are slipping my mind at the moment. In the car she buried herself into a book and became deadened to everything around her. These are all behaviors that I have come to recognize as typical of her, but different from other kids her age. Back at home she told her sister about the trip to the stores, and then disappeared to be alone as usual. I will be making a doctor's appointment very soon for all of us, see if we can all get diagnosed (minus my mother, for her the tests were all the diagnosis she needs. She hates doctors). I am thinking that if I am an Aspie, then maybe that explains my depression and OCD tendencies. All my life I've always felt like the square peg in the round hole, and now, maybe not so much, not when I see that there are more square pegs than I thought there were.

It will mean that there will be some changes ahead for all of us. I will have to work more with my younger daughter to help her be more patient with her older sister, because at the moment she has little to no patience, and it will mean working out a new approach to their school work since now I realize the reason for the meltdowns. We have some work ahead of us, but I feel now that my daughter isn't pushing me away, and I do have a chance to reconnect with her. I'm interested to see what her doctor will tell me.

 

[breezy]

There are trials that come with being an aspie, there no denying that, but it comes with blessings too. Getting an official diagnosis will be beneficial for your kids and it will help you understand yourself better and how you and the world relate to each other. You and your kids might not be like other kids or adults but being "normal" doesnt mean much in my opinion. I treasure my aspie husband and his quirkiness. He is a rare gem and too many others have overlooked him because they didnt see past his differences but the ones who did were just as rewarded as I have been. You and your kids are unique, you each have gifts to share and learning about apergers will give you the tools you need to be able to share those gifts

 

[chicken_china_mom]

Thank you Breezy. I was reviewing the results of the more detailed quiz, and I think I will print it out and take it to the doctor with me. I'm not saying he will give it any credence, but maybe he can use it as a starting point. If he's a good doctor (it's a new doctor), he'll listen and want what's best for my kids. I feel like I have a fresh starting point, and I' going to use it to make life better for my kids, and myself. And my mom. I don't know yet if I should press my mother to enter into social situations or not, or let her stay isolated like she prefers. She gets lonely when she's alone, but doesn't want to really be around people, so it's sort of a Catch 22. I don't want to raise her anxiety levels by forcing her into situations where she isn't comfortable, but I also don't want her to be lonely. I don't want to be lonely either, but at least I now have an idea of why I have such communication problems in relationships. I'm not clueless anymore, lol. I'm going to research A LOT over the next few months. I thank you all for helping me to realize the symptoms and recognize them for what they are. Getting a formal diagnosis is the next step.

 

[TerriLaChicks]

Well, I am just blown away by this. I never even heard of Aspberger's & have been up for a couple hours because I wasn't feeling well, & surfing around here & clicked this thread out of idle curiosity as to what exactly Aspberger's was--

well, I read through this entire thread & then took a couple of the self tests & scored off the scale-(38 on one of them; said 'normal' was 16.5).

I always thought I was this way because I'm an only child. My closest friend is also an only child & we have said for years that we can't relate to other people in social situations because we did not have brothers & sisters and so failed to learn a lot of the body language, and how to fight appropriately, and social things that other people instinctively know--because they had siblings. Does that make sense?

Now I find out there is an actual condition. Thanks for posting all the tips to links & discussing this. I will have to research this further!

 

[australorpchick]

It's rather comforting to realize that I'm not alone and there are other people like me. I haven't been test, but I'm pretty sure I would come out with at least mild AS. It's really reassuring to know that I'm not just a "Freak", which by the way, was the nickname that my sister and cousins gave me as a child. It's hard having social issues, when you come from a family of social butterflies. I've been labeled as odd, obsessive and a snob. I try to avoid interracting at social gatherings by making sure I'm the one cooking or washing dishes, doing something to keep busy. I am a total creature of habit and things need to be "just so" and done in order.

I'm not very empathetic and people know where they stand with me. While I don't hold back very often, I am trying to soften the delivery now. Simply put, I have a hard time understanding why people beat around the bush, say what you mean and mean what you say. In my opinion, painting everything with roses only complicates things. Spit it out and quit wasting time with idle chit chat.

Does anyone else have issues with their speech? In addition to being self-conscious about what I say, I have issues with how I say it. I speak very fast and quietly, but in my head, I sound like everyone else. In order to sound like other people, I have to speak with exaggerated slowness and yell. I catch people trying to read my lips, so they can understand what I say and it's very embarrassing.

Luckily, DH is a wonderful man and is comfortable with my eccentricities.

 

[TerriLaChicks]

Quote:
I've ALWAYS had issues about the way I speak. Nobody believes I'm from Louisiana born & bred. Here they say I "talk like an auctioneer" and have a "north Texas" accent. I don't think I speak too fast; I think everybody else listens too slowly!

 

[cmjust0]

Quote:
That's not really accurate.. What the researchers found was that 80% of people diagnosed with Autism or Aspergers scored above a 32. I take that to mean it's just another indicator, rather than a "Yep -- you're autistic!" kind of thing.. I'd be very interested to see the percentage of people who scored above a 32 who were *not* deemed Autistic nor Aspies.. If that number were, say, 10%, then it seems to me that scoring above 32 would mean there's a 90% change you'd be diagnosed.

I can't find any such number, though..

I scored a 39 on the AQ test and pretty high on the Aspie side of the 200-point test, but I tested normally on facial recognition and reading facial expressions. My emotional IQ is in the low 80's.. My empathizer score was a bit low (31...39 is normal), but my systemizer score was WAAAAAAAAY HIGH at 130 (61.5 is normal).

I'd say that's about right.. I remember names and faces pretty well, and I'm friendly, and I can usually tell when someone is mad or sad or happy or whatever -- I may just not know why. And even if they tell me, I still may not really understand it. That may lead me to occasionally say the wrong thing at the wrong time*, and I may not always understand how I've hurt someones feelings.. I just think a little differently...more objectively than most, I believe...and I'm a really good problem solver. I've had to *learn* that people don't always want their problems solved in a concrete, calculated manner, but I'm still not the best at determining when it's appropriate and when it's not. Sometimes, I feel a little bit...dare I say...compelled to try to solve other peoples' problems when I learn of them. Sometimes I think the appreciation that usually comes along with solving peoples' problems is the closest I can get to feeling valuable, though I dunno if that will make a lot of sense to anyone but me.

* - I thought up an example for this.. If someone were to say to me "I'm too ugly to get married" my first inclination would be to say something like "But there are plenty of ugly people who are married!" It's a true statement -- we all know that -- and it's *meant* to be helpful and encouraging, but it's just.....NOT. When I was younger, I pretty routinely said things like that without thinking, and someone would have to explain to me that I'd said something hurtful.. Sometimes I got it and felt bad, and sometimes I didn't and just felt...confused. Now that I'm a little older, I can *usually* catch myself before I say something like that. In those times when I don't catch myself in time, I've gotten pretty good at following up with inappropriate laughter.

That probably sounds counterproductive, but my experience has been that painting a slip-up like that as an inappropriate joke is almost always better than having someone know that you *actually meant it.*

 

[Widget]

Wow. In a way I'm glad I was having work issues that made me do a search on here for Asperger's. And that I decided to post. At this rate we will have our own little BYC Asperger's support group

I too have issues with not always saying the 'right' thing. We grow up being told to tell the truth but as Aspie's (at least me) when we do this it tends to not go over too well with others. I can now usually keep my thoughts to myself but if I'm having a bad day there are no guarantees. Probably why I prefer to work with animals. Animals are honest. People tend to hide too much making it really difficult to figure out exactly what they mean.

 

[cmjust0]

I'm honest and truthful by nature.. I think most Aspies are, perhaps because they/we don't always perceive lies like other people do...and if you don't perceive a lot of lies being told, you don't tell a lot of lies. It's a theory, anyway..

When you combine natural honesty with the common Aspie trait of empathy deficiency, you get a lot of cold, hard, unflinching truth from people like us.

Be they Aspies or not, what I've come to believe is that people who are empathy deficient *will*, at some point, label themselves as "brutally honest" and say things like "I don't care what anybody thinks of me," which -- for whatever reason -- are socially accepted ways of being. In our society, it actually seems common to view it as a positive attribute.....until, of course, someone's "brutally honest" about you!

Admittedly, there was a period of time where I said that of myself because I had no better excuse, but the more I hung around people like that and got my own feelings hurt by their bluntness, the more I came to realize calling oneself "brutally honest" is often just another way of saying "I'm a jerk, and I don't intend to change -- deal with it."

Since objectivity is one of my stronger points, that little realization -- the realization that I might be a tad jerkish at times

-- led to a little more self awareness.. For a guy like me, self-awareness is always good.

After that, I made a conscious decision to try and not be quite so "brutally honest" with people.. As a result, my life's actually gone a lot smoother for the effort.

I'm an animal person, too.

One of my favorite quotes is:

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." -- Mark Twain.