Its hard being in charge of everything at home.

[sumi]

Let me get this straight... he can fly a plane, but he can't organise himself dinner? I guess he's got his priorities straight

I work part-time and had to go earn some $$ today, so I told DH the freezer repair man is coming and I don't want him walking in on a rat's nest. When I came home from work the house was spotless... Hmm. Usually any "clean the house" hints fall on deaf ears. If I figure out what I did right I'll let you know.

 

[zippitydooda]

So let me get this straight. You have young children who need constant attention. You have school-aged children whom you home school. You cook. You clean. You do laundry. You pay bills. You shop. You chauffeur the kids to all their activities. You take care of animals. (I'm certain I've left things out since I don't know your entire routine). I just want to know: .... exactly WHEN do you sleep, bathe, exercise, and do HEATHER things?

It is absolutely normal to feel overwhelmed at your stage of life. You have a very full plate. If you have health issues, I'm certain that they slow you down. You MUST stop beating yourself up. You do NOT have to be perfect. You do NOT have to be responsible for everything. EXPECT, yes expect your husband to do more than hold a job and do his "list". If he has eyeballs in his head, he can see there are always things to do. No excusing any able bodied family member from helping maintain the house they live in. You are NOT the maid, the cook, the accountant, the teacher, the babysitter or hired help. You are one half of a partnership. Gently and lovingly ASK for him to step up and help you.

Here is a website that has saved me from CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome-and no, I didn't make that up myself):

http://www.flylady.net

I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there and remember this: You allowed everyone to "let" you take care of everything, now you can allow THEM to help you.

Zippity

 

[HeatherLynn]

I do sleep, not as much as I would like but it gets in there somewhere. I am very hyper so I do end up getting a lot done. I am just impatient when I am sick and cannot do it all and cannot get the help I need. I almost never ask for it, so when I do I expected them to jump in. Especially my husband. Make dinner, get the kids working, a load of laundry here and there. It was just a tad frustrating.

Not that anything has changed. I just feel a bit better finally and I am almost keeping up with it all. If things would settle down I would be keeping up. I am the turn to person for the entire family and apparently everything is going wrong this month. I know it sounds whiney but when things get overwhelming and I am so burned out i cannot think. I just want someone to be willing to take over. Even if only for a day or an afternoon. I know he works and he does whats on his list but I would like to put " take over for the day" on the list and actually be able to breathe again. Instead nothing gets done, I come home to a mess, dirty hungry kids, farm chores not done. Its a mess. He is my 5th kid. Heck half the time my dad joins him as my 6th kid. uggg

Someone mentioned the laying something out for dinner for me to cook thing. I do that because my husbands stomach apparently is controlled by what he's in the mood for. He never complains, he just goes hungry. So if he would just lay out what he happens to be in the mood for it would make life a bit easier. My dad who is in his late 70's is 5 lbs off being underweight and refuses to eat constantly so I have to balance what those two want and need. This results most times in me making extra meals so my dad will eat. He is worse than the kids on the eating thing. The kids eat what I make because they have no choice and my mom eats what I make because she is thankful she doesn't have to cook anymore.

Anywho so is life and we all have a ton on us. I just needed to vent a bit. I just need to accept that the men in my family are really just tall boys and I am on my own. ( My mom hides in the greenhouse so she can avoid them)

 

[sumi]

Join your mom! Or do what I did and throw your toys (or in my case my son's - out the door). Trust me, it works

 

[Cheeky Chick]

This is just my humble opinion and what I'd do as far as food. Cook what your dad will eat. He is old, frail, and your DAD! Your husband is a full grown man, young enough to tough it out and eat something he doesn't like. Around here I serve "Take it or leave it". Leave it is called being stubborn and hungry.

Of course I try to cook what my family enjoys, but sometimes, you can't please all the people all the time.

Heather, you are enabling all of them to be dependent on you. When you are the person that they know will step up and take care of things-why the heck should they do it? Let them fly by themselves. Push those chicks out of the nest. (Not the young kids, but the rest of your family that can't seem to take a poo without your input. Take your peaceful time. Do it, or you will break completely and be of no use to anyone.

 

[SillyChicken]

Sometime we are our own worst enemy!

I agree with Cheeky, you are an enabler, if you want to get some help you have to stop doing it all for them. Provide the motivation they need to step up - usually going without a few times works. Do not give in... do not do it for them because you are being impatient... they'll figure out that game too! If you do everything for your children, they will not know how to do for themselves, or, they will take advantage of their future spouses!

 

[Cheeky Chick]

Sometime we are our own worst enemy!

I agree with Cheeky, you are an enabler, if you want to get some help you have to stop doing it all for them. Provide the motivation they need to step up - usually going without a few times works. Do not give in... do not do it for them because you are being impatient... they'll figure out that game too! If you do everything for your children, they will not know how to do for themselves, or, they will take advantage of their future spouses!

Or worse-never leave!! (I kid, my kids can stay here forever, as long as they pitch in!)

 

[HeatherLynn]

Its really not the kids that are the problem in this family. Its the adults. I admit I have spoiled my husband and its not usual for me to ask him to take over my stuff BUT I have so much going if I get sick or just plain exhausted I need a day or so of help. My mom and dad are here but honestly they are older and not in the greatest health. I prefer any stresses not go on them at this stage. They try to help and I have one covered in bruises from yet another fall and another one laying down because his sugar is too low again cause he refused to eat while I was down. Thats just more stress, so it really is down to the hubby helping. He is trying sorta. He just has too much confidence in how much I can do. In a low moment he called me super woman and I gave his arm a good smack. He didn't understand why and me explaining that it puts more pressure on me just went over his head.

The awesome news is he is off all next week and is willing to attempt keeping order for me to escape a bit.

 

[sumi]

Good! Make sure you spent at least one day away from the house, doing something nice and tell your family you do not want to walk into chaos when you return.
I used to be this "super woman" and I just did everything around here. And my DH got spoiled... Yesterday I complained 'cause they date the entire jumbo batch of cookies I baked 3 days ago. I told him he can bake the next lot. He did his usual "but you make them so nice..." So I told him that's bull dust. Anyone, he included, can follow a recipe!
Talking of which... I discovered that he's a very good cook. So now I put my feed up almost every evening and hang out with you guys while he cooks dinner

 

[EweSheep]

Oh I can relate to this one too!

What's worse is BOTH my daughter and hubby has ADHD with Asperger's......now that is another ball of wax. I have to plan, I have to prepare for BOTH of them otherwise they would just go running amok, not having a plan in sight! They HAVE to be constantly reminded day in and day out, even there IS a list for them to do. They would look at the list for a moment, all glass eyed and you have to be on top of them because they stray too easily or lose focus on the tasks it needs to be done.

If I was sick for a day, it is OK to let the house get a bit messy but two days? Forget it! Colds I can handle but flu and migraines, you can bet I would be DOWN and frustrated at them for not doing ANYTHING. Sure I do appreciate hubby working long hours, six days a week, no longer on welfare and I'm a stay at home mom.

I am tired too!