To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming you food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesnt help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door closed, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years, canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper way to kiss me, then go to smell the other dog or cats butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door.
To all Non-Pet Owners who Visit and Like to Complain Abut Our Pets!
They live here, you do not.
If you dont want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture
(that is why it is called furniture)
I like my pets a lot better then I like most people.
To you, its an animal, to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesnt speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
Eat less
Dont ask for money all the time
Are easier to train
Normally come when they are called (well, OK, the cat thinks about it)
Never ask to drive the car
Dont hang out with drug-using friends
Dont smoke or drink
Dont have to buy the latest fashions
Dont want to wear your clothes
Dont need a gazillion dollars for college
And Finally
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming you food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesnt help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door closed, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years, canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper way to kiss me, then go to smell the other dog or cats butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door.
To all Non-Pet Owners who Visit and Like to Complain Abut Our Pets!
They live here, you do not.
If you dont want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture
(that is why it is called furniture)
I like my pets a lot better then I like most people.
To you, its an animal, to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesnt speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
Eat less
Dont ask for money all the time
Are easier to train
Normally come when they are called (well, OK, the cat thinks about it)
Never ask to drive the car
Dont hang out with drug-using friends
Dont smoke or drink
Dont have to buy the latest fashions
Dont want to wear your clothes
Dont need a gazillion dollars for college
And Finally
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
