Just need to vent! (horse related)

[Peaches Lee]

Definitely good advice given here, I'm sure you will have a lot to think about. One possible thing you could try to figure out is a type of shelter where the horses let themselves in/out of their own stalls, or run-in shelter. A large water trough that wouldn't need filled every night/day. You said you have a barn, how many acres do you have?

It sounds as though the people that have the horses would be willing to work with you, maybe they can help you make a system that would be VERY simple for your husband to use if you should end up sick or unable to feed them. I agree with others that horses can be an absolute pain to take care of, but honestly, if I had only two, it would be a breeze.

Given that they are seniors, they've been around the block--these may be the perfect teachers to help introduce your spouse to your passion. Definitely look over the costs, the time, and physicality of owning horses, but I agree with another poster, sometimes you just have to jump in.

Good luck and hopes for the best for you.

 

[Sierra pachie bars]

Give it time. My husband was the same way. I grew up with horses , showing and all that fun stuff. Now my husbands loves horses. I have had to teach him everything , but he's listens to me and wants to learn. He also purchased a horse for himself. He goes out and tends to them and cleans both horses stalls. He loves it now. I am shocked ! So give him time. Now chickens , my hubby has never got interested in them. Whats funny is when people come to the house he does show them off. Lol

 

[welsummerchicks]

Yes, often, as I wrote earlier, the conflict is really much deeper and the horse arguments are just a symptom of a deeper problem.

Sometimes women even buy a horse to kind of start the process of moving husband and wife apart. A lady who bought one of my horses told me it was 'My Guarantee of Divorce'. She kept the horse, but not the husband.

But that can be in any issue that disagreements focus on one issue - children, money, how to spend one's leisure time, etc.

It's important not to be unrealistic, though. There is no rule that a successful marriage only comes about by both people having absolutely everything in common and agreeing on everything.

In fact, most evidence on long term successful marriages, suggests that isn't the case at all in successful marriages that last.

Horses, especially if a wife spends a lot of time, or money, or both, on them, often cause conflicts in marriages. Usually, the wife is on the losing end of the agreement, unless they are very wealthy and affording them just isn't any sort of stretch. Even going away from the house to ride with little children in the house, is a lot less of a complaint source if one has a limitless budget for baby sitters and an indoor arena...LOL...

It definitely is a problem, though. Horses are expensive and demanding of time and money.

But the bottom line here is that the husband makes the money and he is not going to agree to have his money spent this way. I think the best thing the OP can do is find a way to pay for it herself or do it for free with someone else's horse.

But this is the whole reason I went to college to get a degree and make a high salary...so I could pay for my own horses - and not be dependent on anyone else feeling like they wanted to pay for it, or continue to pay for it. I never wanted to be put in a situation where someone who knew nothing about horses was in a position to say to me: 'Well, I don't think the horse needs to go to the vet, and I'm paying the bills, and I say he doesn't go to the vet'. I met a few too many women in my life who couldn't get vet care for their horses, couldn't get riding lessons, couldn't get help training their horse, because someone said they didn't want to pay for it.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Ah, sorry, I missed that part. Agreed about successful marriages not being about compliance. Rather, it is how those disagreements are worked out, and if both partners are content with the way they are resolved...or if they are resolved or ignored.

. I did not mean to come across as saying otherwise.

On money, it definitely depends on how each spouse views it. Even if one person makes all the money (it sounds like the OP has some income though, with potential for more), if the other person takes care of the kid alone, then some see that as an even split. Ie, the money is not all the worker's, just as the child is not just the caregivers. Some split it 50/50, others pool it, and still others see the money as only belonging to one spouse, even if the other spouse has income, as they view the primary money maker as the decision maker too. And when spouses aren't on the same page on that...yeesh. That's a big headache and a source of trouble. But basically, it may not be the case that it is "his" money, I'm not sure how they both view that.

Haha, that's awesome that your degree got you a high paying job. My two majors got me zilch. Both my husband and I will be going back for more so we can afford land some day.

 

[hunterjumper999]

if you get them get them knowing they will be 100% your deal. I had to do it this way. Eventually he may come to enjoy them

 

[welsummerchicks]

Oh yeah I understood what you were saying, no problem with it. As for the job....cackle...every single move I made was with the goal of having my own horses, my own place, my own money, and making my own decisions on how they are cared for. I even plan to go back to school to get ANOTHER degree so I can earn MORE money, and do more with the horses.


Any time you are dependent on someone else's generosity you are going to run into prblems. Best thing you can do is pay for it yourself.

I do know women who have very rich husbands who foot the bill for horses, training and competitions. For decades. And enjoy it thoroughly. It makes their wives happy, it makes them happy, it's a kind of expected thing to have a wife that's into horses in some circles.

I know women who work and pay for the entire thing themselves, and at least while they're young, do all their own chores on their property. I even know some who have gotten their husbands interested in riding, not as into it as they are, but enjoying it and seeing why their wife enjoys it, AND why you need to remember to shut the feed room door!

And I know families that share it and it's just what everyone does. Husband, wife, kids, all ride, all are real into it, all are totally committed to riding.

It doesn't always work that way, it doesn't always have to.

 

[YYZ]

I had a husband who said he'd help me train my foals so i bred 2 Quarter horse mares...They foaled and he didnt help at all. he knew nothing about horses. I know a bit but not enough to train horses by myself ya know. I sold the foals when they were of age....as i was afraid they would turn out to rule me ya know. It broke my heart. I got rid of that guy soon after. His temper got out of hand and he kicked one of my donkeys. Thats all i needed !
God Bless you USMC !

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Man, what job do you have? I need to get in on some of that, or all we'll be able to buy with our savings is a inch of AstroTurf.

I've got to say, ridden horses for years, love them, but my dream equine...is a mule. A really, really plain mule. I probably won't be floating in any high social circles with that one. XD. But yeah, I went to a college where that sort of wife was expected. It was more of a finishing school really. I'm pretty sure many of the mothers picked out the girls' horses...and the husbands.

 

[USMCwifey]

First of all I NEVER said anything about who makes more money and so on. And if it must be out there, I make more an hour than he does and bring home very close to the same amount of him on top of paying for the families health insurance. I KNOW what I am getting into by owning a horse, you seem to think I'm a 18 yr old girl who has no clue what so ever what I'm doing. I grew up with horses and know the time and work that goes into them. I don't think I would just JUMP into getting 2 horses if I didn't know what I was getting into. I've done research, done the calculations, and the math, that's not the problem. What my vent was about was that my husband was showing no interest in my long term dream and seemed to only be pushing the idea away... I was asking what the best way to handle him. Not how to handle the ownership of horses! I really didn't like how some of you jumped all over me for wanting to start owning horses, like I had no clue what I was getting into or something? I never asked if it was pricey, if it was hard, what work went into it... I already knew all this. A lot of the replies I got seemed to more or less be trying to push me down from the horses rather than help me with my husband problem. Thank you to those who showed support, I ended up talking to my husband and we agreed on a deal. We may not end up with these horses, but in the near future we WILL have a horse or two. He agrees to help when it's needed, but doesn't want it to become one of his daily chores. Our first step is gonna be cleaning out the barn than we're gonna take it from there! It'll take some time and work, but I have a couple friends who also agreed to help with the project. We're starting on the barn this weekend so hopefully it stay nice outside. Stupid WYN weather! Well again thank you. Hope I didn't come off too harse, but it really erked me on how my finances and ability to care for a horse(s) came into this all.

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

I am glad you and he talked. A lot of threads got off topic regarding horses and dogs here, its easy to do. Good luck with your cleaning project. It sure makes for a nice incentive to take on such a project to get ready for horses!! I am envious