Just need to vent...

[Kaitie09]

I don't understand why someone would go back to smoking again after 7 years. My mother quit and was fine until a couple months ago. She started back up and smokes a pack a week (she says) but I count more. She smells like smoke now and I can't even be in the same room with her without coughing or a tight chest. I tell her she needs to stay outside longer, but she doesn't. She forgets things things I tell her, and forgets everything I ask her to do. The chicken and goats went a whole day without water because she forgot I asked her to do it right before I went to work. She is forgetting to feed the dogs, so I took over that too. I'm taking care of all the animals now with no help. She gets angry faster, and yells more. 3 years ago, she watched her own father die of lung cancer, and 8 years before that, my grandmother. My grandfather was only 72 and was diagnosed with stage 4 and died a week later. She hides it too. I did not find out until I caught her in the act, and then she told me not to tell my brother. He ended up catching her too. Now she acts like it is no big deal. Since she started, my stepfather started back on chew. She has asthma and can hardly breathe anymore, yet she just complains it is allergies. I lock myself in my room most days now, as I can't stand to be around her. I wish I knew before I declared as a commuter this semester, or I would have gladly gone and lived at school to get away from here.

She always said that she would never smoke again until she caught me or my brother doing it. I guess she lied.

sorry, I just needed to vent or I was going to explode.

 

[sparkles2307]

Well while that is frustrating and hurtful, it sounds like she might have some other things going on and she is using smoking as a coping tool. With her having a short temper now and forgetting things she might be dealing with some mental health issues, or just be so stressed its affecting her that way. I know I grew up in a smoke free home and I quit a few years ago but when things get bad with money I go back to it during that crisis. My kids rag on me to stop and I do because I don't want them to ever become dependent on it. I know someone who is a nurse and always swore she'd rather die than start smoking again.... but now with the economy and her job being SO demanding she's smoking. I've seen quite a few ppl start up again int he last year. I know its hard for someone who doesnt smoke to understand why people ignore all the obvious health risks and information and keep endangering their lives and those around them, but unless you've been a slave to the nicotine beast you cant understand how hard it is to NOT smoke when you're under stress.

 

[mulewagon]

Little strokes, dementia, Alzheimer's, medication side effects, malnutrition or dehydration...any of these, or a combination, could be the causes. She needs a medical evaluation (by a gerontologist if she's old enough, or by a knowledgeable GP, plus a real pharmacist.)

When an older person has a major personality change with memory loss and bouts of anger, it's not a personality problem, it's a medical problem. Even if she isn't elderly yet, this is a bad combination - something's wrong.

 

[redhen]

Sorry, but its her business.
I understand how you feel. I get on my mother all the time too. But really, shes an adult and can do what she wants.
Nagging her really wont help.
If the smoke "fumes" bother you so much, you may have to move out and fend for yourself. (if you are of legal age..)

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
As an on again off again smoker I have to agree with this. Smokes are not something that just goes away once you quit. I have quit so many times it ain't even funny!!! And today I am a smoker. My house, my rules. Someone doesn' like it, go outside.

 

[the Pollo Loco]

As much as it is her business, it's also her business and priority to keep you healthy, even though she doesn't care about her own health doesn't mean she should endanger yours. Find help, don't just vent.

 

[cassie]

The fact that she is forgetting things would concern me more than the smoking. Does she repeat herself in conversations? I would be worried about dementia.

 

[newchickgal]

Because of the change in her mental abilities, she should be checked out by her doctor. I'd be more concerned about that than just the smoking. It sounds like she could've had a small stroke or the beginnings of dementia. Please have her make an appointment for her with her doctor.

 

[Kaitie09]

She is forgetting things because she has too much on her plate. She owns her own company but is the only one who works there. Lawyers farm out their work to her, so she is constantly running to courthouses and state financing offices. She can only think of work and she tends to put everything else on the back burner. She is always trying to get me to work for her, even paying me, put I don't like it. I told her she needs to get and assistant, I even posted an ad per her request, narrowed down the resumes, and gave them to her. She does nothing with them and continues to ask me to work for her.

She has owned this company for 8 years, And she has actually stopped doing the more stressful clients. She goes to a chiropractor to relieve tension and has seen therapist once every 6 months since her father died.

 

[NGT ANGL]

Quote:
As an on again off again smoker I have to agree with this. Smokes are not something that just goes away once you quit. I have quit so many times it ain't even funny!!! And today I am a smoker. My house, my rules. Someone doesn' like it, go outside.

x2. Until you have been a smoker, it is very hard to understand the addiction. I truly wish it were as easy as putting them down and not smoking ever again. I would have quit a long time ago...