i have been looking at this! and....i love it!
Lea's Life ( Finished! Last chapter and epilogue up!)
- Thread starter Dapplepony
- Start date
- Thread starter
- #72
- Jul 19, 2010
- 1,363
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Quote:
No problem.
No problem.
- Thread starter
- #73
- Jul 19, 2010
- 1,363
- 8
- 141
Quote:
Thanks! I appreciate the feedback!
Thanks! I appreciate the feedback!
- Thread starter
- #74
- Jul 19, 2010
- 1,363
- 8
- 141
Chapter Seven
Moving Out
After Lea made her choice, the herd left the sad place.
Lea looked back one last time before she left. All she saw was place where she lost her best friend to the wolves.
I must hunt the wolves like they hunted Gypsi. Lea thought. I will make them pay for all they have done.
The herd walked away from Gypsi's final resting place. Away from the sun rising over her grave.
They were going west.
Moving Out
After Lea made her choice, the herd left the sad place.
Lea looked back one last time before she left. All she saw was place where she lost her best friend to the wolves.
I must hunt the wolves like they hunted Gypsi. Lea thought. I will make them pay for all they have done.
The herd walked away from Gypsi's final resting place. Away from the sun rising over her grave.
They were going west.
Wow very awesome story!!
- Thread starter
- #76
- Jul 19, 2010
- 1,363
- 8
- 141
Thanks for the feedback, O wise story writer...
Meep!
(^ that up there is meh Meepville accent. o.o )
Meep!
(^ that up there is meh Meepville accent. o.o )
- Thread starter
- #78
- Jul 19, 2010
- 1,363
- 8
- 141
Chapter Eight, anyone?
You know you can use Italics for thoughts, right? Ya really need to include more description.
An example, hope you don't mind that I just used part of Chapter Seven.
What you wrote: After Lea made her choice, the herd left the sad place.
Lea looked back one last time before she left. All she saw was place where she lost her best friend to the wolves.
I must hunt the wolves like they hunted Gypsi. Lea thought. I will make them pay for all they have done.
The herd walked away from Gypsi's final resting place. Away from the sun rising over her grave.
They were going west.
What you wrote with more detail and description added: After Lea had come to a decision, the herd left that terrible place filled with sadness. Lea looked back one last time before she left. All her eyes could see was the pain-filled place where she had lost her best friend to the hungry wolves. I must hunt the wolves like they hunted Gypsi, Lea thought to herself. I will make them pay for all they have done. The herd slowly made their way from Gypsi's final resting place, away, away from the rising sun illuminating her grave. They were going west, west where every night the dying sun cast it's blood-red rays upon the far horizon.
Just trying to help, i love the plot so far, keep it up!
An example, hope you don't mind that I just used part of Chapter Seven.
What you wrote: After Lea made her choice, the herd left the sad place.
Lea looked back one last time before she left. All she saw was place where she lost her best friend to the wolves.
I must hunt the wolves like they hunted Gypsi. Lea thought. I will make them pay for all they have done.
The herd walked away from Gypsi's final resting place. Away from the sun rising over her grave.
They were going west.
What you wrote with more detail and description added: After Lea had come to a decision, the herd left that terrible place filled with sadness. Lea looked back one last time before she left. All her eyes could see was the pain-filled place where she had lost her best friend to the hungry wolves. I must hunt the wolves like they hunted Gypsi, Lea thought to herself. I will make them pay for all they have done. The herd slowly made their way from Gypsi's final resting place, away, away from the rising sun illuminating her grave. They were going west, west where every night the dying sun cast it's blood-red rays upon the far horizon.
Just trying to help, i love the plot so far, keep it up!
Quote:
Yes!
Yes!
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