leaving

[NewToFarming]

I agree, it is hard to follow and hard to give advice not knowing the full story but it is very hard to disclose personal information on a public forum.
I would have to say, you should not stay for kids sake. The real question is, do you love each other, trust each other and treat each other right? That should be the deciding factor, not outside influences.
There has been so many times I wanted to throw in the towel too as we have a blended family of his, mine and ours but we made it for 24 years! The bottom line is how do you feel about each other?
Staying for the kids sake whether children or grandchildren will only add to the stress in an already strained relationship.
I hope you are able to sort this out and you are able to come to a decision that is best for everyone!

 

[zzGypsy]

it is tough to know all that goes on, and without knowing much more, it's hard to have an opinion.

however, I'll put these things out there for you to think about.

wellbeing of children should always come first. if they are safer with you two, better health care, better attention, better environment to grow up in, and you can maintain a peaceful truce with your husband, then maybe it's the right thing to do. of course, provided that you can get custody. if you continue to fight, and are miserable all the time, you won't be able to provide them a safe and loving environment where they can feel secure and learn how relationships should work. they're probably already traumatized if their mother is unable to care correctly for them, and they're going to have issues. they're likely not going to be the easiest kids to raise, and you and your hubby are going to need to be a solid team if you're going to do them good.

if you cannot be at peace with each other, the kids may be better off with another family member, or being adopted elsewhere. I know that sounds harsh, but adding the stress of these children to your already splintered relationship is a big additional burden. if you two can't come to terms, in a real and functional way, these kids are just moving out of one bad situation into another kind of bad situation.

I have a good friend who adopted her grandson recently... her son and his girlfriend both have meth problems and her son is back in jail. it took more than a year to get their parental rights terminated, and another year to complete adoption (this is in CA.) it has been a very tough process, there were plenty of lawyer's fees, and the grandson is difficult because of his meth exposure and early upbringing. However, she's glad she did it, and clearly the grandson is doing much better than he would have with either of his parents. she and her husband have had some trouble in their relatinships, but they've found a way to come together for their grandson.

 

[Henny peeny]

GOD I wish he would make up his mind first we are to get custody then not and I am to leave then he changes his mind and we are to get custody. I am in the middle of all this, I am the bad guy because I correct the kids a lot they have no manners and I tell him this is why I am correcting them all the time he lets them get away with anything. SO now we are to see a lawyer and see what he has to say. The lawyer said already that there is no saying after we pay 3,000 and go through court that we will win custody but he said that if the shrink can say that the oldest has post tramatic stress disorder from being bounced around from baby sitter to baby sitter that is our ace in a whole.

I can add more the it I have witnessed her smoke canibus infron't of the youngest when she was in apt. she told me she did it every moring I told her it is her place and I don't see anything but I kept this in mind for in case it would come in handy one day she also told me she had had friends that smoked in front of the oldest I assume it was with youngest there but she told the oldest they were smoking cigars the oldest came in one day and said she smelled someone smoking cigars and they all laughed they put canibus in the ciger they take some of the tobaccoo out and refill it with canibus they think the small of canibus can't be smells but it can be.

I have pictures of how the stuff was here when she did the clothes I felt it would be used one day. I say I have peminations or visions I seem to think it will be used one day. I know this is going to hurt tabitha when/if he does this but I stand on it is best for the kids.

Both have a lot in there head well the oldest does and the shrink she is seeing and the therapist can see this I have to have both write up what they see and hopfully it will seal the case for us. I didn't buy into this to be a mother again but I feel it is the right thing to do. Their mother has never really been a mother to them and I have been more of a mother then she has.



Hope to win the case.

Wish us luck.

Rhayden

 

[zzGypsy]

Quote:
that's something that you two really need to get on the same page about... othewise you'll continue to be the bad guy and the house will be in chaos all the time.

 

[Henny peeny]

cross your finger we have to have the shrink or theripist say that the oldest has Post Truamatic Stress Sysndrome if we can get the paper work fast enough we can win th case but if not we might be able to have the kid stay in the school she is in and have to stay in the county cost a lot of greens. Pray the paper we are wating for comesor the poor kids will be at the mercy of where ever their mother wants to put them. She is to come friday and get then the oldest is to go live with her ansd the youngest is to go to a relitive of the grand mother it is to be a visit but I thinks longer so we are trying to work as fast as we can.

I was to move the 23 of dec. but it is on hold the mother of the girls said she would not come around and she would let the kids come to see my husband since I am around that is not back in PA and he had not slept for 3 days but I said you family is more impotant and I will leave so then he decide to take custody and I will be blamed by his daughter whats new.

Let you know how it goes.

Rhayden

 

[Henny peeny]

we went to lawyer and we have it so the mother can't take the kids from THIS residence, or change schools or medical or anything they have to stay here but it is not custody but if say they are at their grandmothers she could come and take them she would have to have the police but YES this could happen we don't have custody yet the 5th we go to plead our case and the mother her case. We have 3 poeple on board to help use and one is her sister. The mother said if she wins the case she will never come back to the county we live and not let Terry see the grand kids. I said I would never not let the other not see the kids she is always able to but I am sure this is a shock to her it was hard not to let the cat out of the bag there is another female the mother had been talking to that didn't know what we were doing but almost let her know the other female told the mother we were getting custody. It was said I said this to the boy friend of the female which my husband assume I told him and I told him I didn't with a few phone calls my husband found out I DIDN'T SAY A WORD and that it was the other female starting up stuff.


We are to give the oldest 10 compliments a day and the mother said I don't because the oldest reminds me of the mother, I said that is a lie I never said that. I reckon she is doing everything to make me look bad but I don't think it will work. I am hoping to get custody of the kids and finnaly the check the one gets will be used for the kid as far as I know the only time it NAY be used for the kid is when Christmas comes and that is it. I don't know if the mother will have charges of fraud but it is not going to look good for her. I hat3e ot do this to her. I have a appoinment with the therapist to write out the oldest has post truamatic syndrome ( the stuff the soldier get) from being bounced around and the other one is showing signs of it. I am hoping I can get both the the therapsit and shrink to say the same thing and have it in writing.

You got to feel sorry for the kids. my husband talked to the oldest she also talked to her mother it is hard to say what the mother has told the oldest the oldest is mad with me but we don't know why. I assume the mother said she was not coming back since I am still here and the oldest thinks if I left the mother would return here the oldest told me this herself of what she thought. What is the oldest to believe he mother tells her one thing then we tell her another thing and it mush be confusing to her as to which to believe. It is hard to explian we are doing this to help her mother try to get on her feet but I hope we don't have to have the oldest in court and talk I don't know if she could tell the truth on some things.

Well the 5 of Jan we go to court We would be happy foir her if she can prove she is to have the kids but I doubt it she has never been a mother to them only on the word not in doing. She triec to bring me into this that I adbandon my son I gave my son up to my folks they adopted him when he was 5. My life was much like the mothers and I didn't see it getting any better I could by close for him or anything and I was struggling and they have bought for him from day one they could offer more then I could and though I had a bad childhood they seem to be better with him I reckon since my sister or I moved so far away and didn't have much contact with them they learned the way we werer raised mind not of been right. My son is what everyone would want from a child he has his moments but 99 percent of the time he is the best he has a heart of gold. SERIOUSLY

Cross your fingers

Rhayden