Left in the Forest~ By miss heny *part 3 of chapter 2 is up!*

[miss heny]

When i start to eat, the bush moved, i mutter a curse and said aloud "BloodyDeath, come forth before i put another arrow into you rum." A wolf that could of been white comes out, most of it fur was blood red, it eyes gold, with a single nasty scar over it right eye, it growls "Mala, you know the forest laws, no fighting near a river," I rolled my eyes "well then why come near my camp, which is by a river." I pointed out, Bloodydeath snarl and called me some rude names in wolf, of which I wont tell here. Zelda paws at ground and glares at the wolf "leave, before i trample you into a bloody pancake" the wolf growls but runs off, I look around and get back to eating my soup, sooner or later they will attack I thought, sometimes i wish i was raise normally, but hey, i wouldn't have Zelda, I sigh again before finishing my meal and head to go asleep.

 

[miss heny]

any comments?

 

[miss heny]

part one of chapter 2

I awoke in a start with something pink in my face, I grabbed it and a big swak! cam from it. I jumped and Zelda trampled it, later I found out it was a neon pink silkie. I yawn and do a sharp hawk call, soon a old gray red tail hawk came over, i point at the body "there Firstone, free breakfast" Firstrone smiled with kindness "thank you, Lostone" the hawk swoop down and starts to eat. Zelda goes off for a drink, and I followed, while there I looked into the water as if a mirror, and start to comb my hand through my white hair, and yes, I did say white hair, I also have sea blue eyes. Zelda watches the forest, his Blue eyes searching, and was worried "come on Mala, the forest meeting is about to start" I sigh, and get on his back "another big fight over land, again" we ride off into the forest. Birds were quite for once, but that what was worrying me. We get to the meeting point, know by all forest livers as Meeting Point Rock, and already a right was going on between the rival pack leaders.

 

[equinehugger3]

My suggestion is just that you have shorter sentences/more punctuation. It's really good!

 

[miss heny]

Quote:
thanks, guessing on the punctuation since i dont have the writer thing

 

[Cpprpnny19]

Reminds me of the "Clan of the Cave Bear" series by Auel.

 

[miss heny]

Quote:
i have never read them

and this is base off in our time.

 

[miss heny]

Before I could break up the fight a big old gruff bear comes out of the shadow, his voice booms "This place is for peace, not to kill, for blood has never been spilled here since the first meeting!" the wolf coward in a corner, we all know that the bear temper was bad. A mountain lion was on a rock grooming it self "why, Hullo, Silverflower" the bear ignores the lion, which I dont blame him "The meeting of the Months of Falling Leaves shall began. Bloodydeath and Midnightmoon, it is time to swap lands for your kind, is it not?" Midnightmoon growls but said calmly "yes, but Bloodydeath wont do it! She declared that they want to stay on there land permanently." Silverflower glares at Bloodydeath "And break the old ways?! how dare she" I was sitting in a corner watching, i rarely have anything to say most of the time, so i more or less watch the meeting as if a TV show.

 

[Cpprpnny19]

Call it "Left in the Forest"



Lynne

 

[miss heny]

Quote:
well, that fits it, thank you Cpprpnny19! i could make you a banner if you like!