I also have a fear of failing, and I feel that it's also giving me a fear of success, and I don't want that. Is there anything I can do to remedy this situation? Also, don't tell me I need to talk to mom or dad. They'd just say it's all in my head and yadda-yadda-yadda, and don't even start about friends.
Ok, I have 3 sons (2 1/2 months, 10 and 15) the older two would be about assassinating each other to sit next to the anime loving gamer girl. Self esteem is built slowly.. Like one pebble at a time, rock by rock till you are an island surrounded by negativity. Things are peaceful and wonderful on your deserted island.. and someday.. You may find an anime loving gamer boi to share that beach with.
Beautifully said Boyd. PK, I can't add much to that without being trite. I can say, however, that I have a huge amount of affection, respect and faith in you and your incredible abilities.
Set realistic goals... or break the big goal into levels. Example (NOT you at all, just saying) I am going to lose 40 pounds in six months! And then, when you weigh in after a week you only lost 1 or 2... get discouraged. Instead try saying I'm going to try to lose 4 lbs this month. Then if you have a 1 pound week... That's Cool... End of the month the tally is 5 WOOT, exceeded your goal (SAFELY mind) let's see if we can do the same 4-5 next month. And maybe, five a month for six months isn't the WHOLE 40 you were hoping for, but it is small steady little victories... MUCH better for your self esteem than one big all or nothing toss of the dice. Just an example... but how many times have you heard about people blowing their diet because they go all out... or too strict and they can't stand it... SMALL steps... SMALL changes... that's the way to get a hard task done... Doesn't have to be any big thing either... could be something really small, that only you'd notice... like I'ma bring my grade average up one point... if when you averaged all your grades on your last report card up you averaged an 87... well try a LITTLE harder (not all psycho) and see if you can't make your AVERAGE hit 88... maybe it's English going up 2 points... and Science 1... while the others stay the same... small victory... something YOU can know and feel good about... but, IF it doesn't work then no worries about anyone but you noticing. Sometimes to build up SELF you have to do things by/for SELF... THEN once you get your own vision cleared you can start giving a fig about others' opinions... if ya wanna.
PK; you are an intelligent, well spoken, well mannered lovely young lady. You have so much going for you it would be a shame to let yourself down by focusing on the negatives. Google for some self-affirming exercises that you could practice or perhaps a join a local drama club? Both should help with confidence and self esteem. Concentrate on your positives - it shouldn't be hard, you have plenty.
Self talk .. words are sooooooooo powerful. Avoid negative self talk. (I'm an idiot.. My hair is hopeless .. I'm never going to get this.. etc) Print up positive things that you are AND that you want to be: Say them .. to yourself .. out loud. I am smart. I am ambitious I can do ANYTHING I am loved I have many talents .. (name them) and if you're Christian: I am created by God, for God God loves ME I AM a child of God I can do all things .. etc. Just listen to your self talk ... .. You're a beautiful, intelligent girl!
I'm just reaffirming everything everyone else is saying... Enjoy yourself. Small goals. Friendly comments to yourself and others. Don't worry, be happy. Rant to us. I'll say more when my brain is working but it's Friday and I need to fix my horse trailer by tomorrow morning... but my horse trailer is 100 miles away and 35 is backed up... *Sigh* Wish me luck. You'll get through it.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. The teen years are so hard to get through. I would like you to listen to this song, and watch the video. Take it to heart, as it is so very true. You are beautiful, and God has a purpose for you. He loves you so much, and has only good plans for you.
Low self-esteem is something I struggle with too. My childhood was ... less than idyllic...and constantly being told I was ugly by stepmother and classmates hasn't helped. I am a prime example of someone who never really got over it. I have a hard time in relationships because of that insecurity as I have a very hard time believing that anyone would want to be with me. I have a hard time accepting compliments simply because it always puts me on the defense. It doesn't help that I have a younger brother who went on to be very popular in high school with lots of friends, good grades and then a stint as an offensive lineman at a Big 10 university. Nothing I do will ever be as good as what he does and what he has done. This is made worse by the fact that my dad doesn't consider horseback riding a sport. Yet, conversely, because I am so used to failure, I'm not afraid to try something new for fear that I won't be good. Strangely enough, I KNOW I won't be good so I might as well have fun at it. This low self-esteem has also driven me to be very competitive which in turn makes me better. I want to PROVE that I'm better than someone else and in endurance riding and, to a lesser degree, horse shows and dressage, I have proven that. I graduated magna cum laude from my little podunk university of Saginaw Valley Sate. It's strange that even though I've done this, I still lack confidence in myself. PK, your teen years are not and will not be the best years of your life. College is much better. Figure out what YOU want to do. This isn't necessarily a career, but what Pineapple Mama said about goals. Is there something you want to do? Something you want to accomplish? Things will get better
